How do you choose who you invite? I have a lot of people that I want there but, I don't want to hurt their feelings. I just feel that it is unfair to not invite. I'm really torn over this. Advice please.........
2007-06-12 03:41:27 · 12 answers · asked by Kristina O 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
(Wedding isn't until next year)
2007-06-12 03:41:54 · update #1
I found its easiest to divide the list into categories. The Must Have, Should Invite, Could Invite.
The musts are grandparents, best friends. The Should are boss, family friends you havent seen since you were 5, friends that you rarely speak to but promised each other you'd be MOH in each other's weddings. And the Could are all those other people that you would like to invite--but if you pick a space that only holds 100--you'll have an easy list to knock off first and you won't have to go person by person.
How big of a wedding are you thinking about having? How big is your budget? How big is the space you fell in love with when you started looking at reception locations? Those are important things to figure out when coming up with your guest list.
Most people always end up putting too many people and then cutting the list. So if you divide it into an A, B and C list--then you invite all the As. As you get back rsvp regrets, you can mail a new invite to some people on the B list. That way you don't go over by too many spots.
I know it sounds harsh--but weddings are expensive and unless you have 40-60K for this wedding, you can't invite everyone. And these people aren't going to know you had them on the B or C list.
www.ezweddingplanner.com is a great site for helping you budget all this.
2007-06-12 03:51:00 · answer #1 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, what I would do at your stage is make a few lists. Have 1 list be people who absolutely you need to invite--this would be family and VERY close friends. Then, make the list of those who you really REALLY want there, friends that you hang out with, or old college friends that you still keep in touch with, etc. Then, I'd make the list of the people that you're not sure fit in either category, but still would like to invite them--like people at work, casual friends, etc.
You're also going to have to get over the feeling that it's unfair to not invite someone to the wedding. Unless you have a completely unlimited budget for the wedding and reception, the easiest way by far to contain your budget is by containing the number of guests. Say your caterer has quoted you a figure of $50 per person for your meal, and your cake is going to be $8 per person. Obviously, it's going to be less expensive for you if you're hosting 100 people as opposed to 500 people.
So, you're probably eventually going to have to make some hard decisions about who winds up getting cut from your guest list. If someone is crass enough to ask why they didn't get an invite, simply politely explain that there simply wasn't the space or budget to invite everyone you wanted to. Most people understand that, really they do.
2007-06-12 04:21:27 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You choose to invite who you want to be there, but with a restricted list (and having to be to your fiance's guest list) you should invite the people who are closest to you. That means great-Aunt Minnie who you see once a year at reunions doesn't necessarily have to be on the guest list.
I'd start with immediate family (brothers, sisters, grandparents, parents and nieces/nephews of your siblings (if you're inviting children). Remember your family and/or wedding party should be counted as guests when making out your lists.
Next I'd go aunts, uncles (parents' siblings) and cousins (first).
Next comes your immediate friends, childhood friends you remained close to, and people you consider good friends from work.
Next will come friends of your parents who have known you for a majority of your life and friends you would just like to invite, second cousins, and people you deal with on a day-to-day basis that you would like to have there.
You're fiance's list should be the same. If you need to trim the list, start from the bottom and work your way back. Remember those you don't get to invite, you can always send an announcement to later.
2007-06-12 04:07:21 · answer #3 · answered by Survivors Ready? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do two lists - an A list for family and very close friends you MUST invite and a B list for others you would LIKE to invite. Don't share that information with anyone since someone might get offended if they are on the B list opposed to the A list. Start from there once you get your two lists together start analyzing who you Must include on your A list from your B list. Include only the people who you feel it's most important to send an invitation. This should help you narrow down your list. Good Luck
2007-06-12 03:50:55 · answer #4 · answered by holmeskaykay 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Who's paying for the wedding? If it's you and your fiance, then the percentages are your choice. First decide how many people you plan to have. Then decide how many should be from your family, his family, your friends, his friends. If one of you has a larger family than the other, they usually get more invites. Everyone writes their list but has to stick to their allotted amount. You have to prioritize who you really want there. It takes time and patience. There may be hurt feelings but there is little you can do. One thing I would recommend not doing, is offering any explanation why someone hasn't been invited. If someone asks, then reply that you had limits and they meant excluding some very dear people, and move on. They'll get over it. If not, then it's probably a good thing you didn't invite them.
2007-06-12 04:40:51 · answer #5 · answered by J M 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Figure out how many people your budget will allow. Then make a list of everybody you'd ever consider inviting. Start narrowing down the list to fit your budget. There may be a few disappointed people, but they will understand how expensive a wedding can be. Make sure you don't leave out any of your family or his and if you have some spots left over, fill them with very close friends. Then work your way out to acquaintances. Good luck and congratulations!
2007-06-12 03:52:25 · answer #6 · answered by Manny 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The knot just posted an article about this. Its great help. I actually just read it this morning. My wedding is also a year away and we've only recently finished our wish list. This is the best advice I've seen about the guest list so far. Check it out. This article also suggests other articles that have different advice. Just look to the right of the page and you'll see other articles about how to deal with the guest list. The way we're doing it is having each set of parents worry about their friends, family friends, and family that must be invited. They each get their own wish list. (My mom and dad have a list, his mother and stepfather have a list, and his father and stepmother have a list). Then, each of us gets our own wish list. (My list and his list). We're only doing a list of our friends and coworkers. That way, there are no duplicates on each individual list. Plus, you don't have to try to remember the names of long lost relatives that have to be invited. Once we have narrowed down the individual lists, we'll combine them into one master list and go from there.
http://www.theknot.com/ch_article.html?Object=A50218155602&keywordID=164&keywordType=2&parentID=527
2007-06-12 04:07:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, it isn't all as much as you simply on account that you are the bride. You're united 2 households right here, and no longer taking any of them under consideration could be an overly unhealthy first step. That mentioned, it's unreasonable of them to verbally invite humans that you do not even realize. Explain to them that your quantity one rule is that handiest humans you each realize can be attending the marriage ceremony, and that those peers might not be receiving formal invites. If they persist in extending verbal invites, they're going to appear very foolish certainly. And do NOT permit your fiance stand again in this one. They're HIS mum and dad, he demands to handle this. The visitor record must preferably be even, which means that an identical quantity of visitors are to your loved ones as for his. But this isn't a rough and speedy rule. If you might have a huge loved ones and your fiance has a small one, and he consents, it's flawlessly acceptible so that you can have extra visitors...however no longer the entire visitors. If you are inviting ninety and he will get 10, that is not reasonable regardless of how huge your loved ones is. Perhaps you might endorse that his mum and dad throw a put up-marriage ceremony reception in Sussex someday after the marriage ceremony, and they are able to plan it nonetheless they wish. Edit: I love Uncle Jo's concept! If they are adament approximately the six, ask them which different six they wish eliminated to accomodate them!
2016-09-05 13:46:23 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People will complain no matter what you do.
Invite those you want to invite, and let the others know you are having a small wedding and have a set amount you can invite.
2007-06-12 07:17:12 · answer #9 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
whoa whoa whoa.... "YOU" are getting to invite people?!
hahaha!!
the reason why i'm laughing is because between my fiance and i, we got to send out 10 invites total. about 100 were sent to family and family friends we didnt even know existed!!
our parents treat it as "their" wedding. we're just the couple that shows up and get to dress the best.
but hey, at least we get presents!!!
2007-06-12 03:49:59 · answer #10 · answered by John Redcorn 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋