Help! How do I tell?

Question

How do I tell my mom that I am still getting married?

Okay! Me and my fiance have been together nine years and we decided last year to get married and through this big wedding. Well we where making plans and around then end of January we go into this big fight and he left the house, well like most couples we made up. For three months we didn't talk much to family because we decided to focus only on our relationship. Well, after we started going to churc and talking things out we decided to go ahead with our plans and get married. Well, we decided to have a small ceremony in another state with just us and our two children. We said that we where going to have a family event at our home when we returned. How do I tell my mom so that she won't think I am trying to keep her from sharing my day? I will have all the pictures, dvd's, etc... but we decided we didn't want the family pressure or drama. Please help. P.S. my mom got married when I was 19 and she didn't invite us to the wedding.

Answer 1

Ouch. You are treading on thin ground here. You have to have witnesses to your marriage--so the guy who marries you will use his wife and perhaps the photographer as the witnesses that sign your marriage license. And thats gonna hurt feelings. Thats just how it is.

I understand wanting a small wedding and not wanting family pressure. Consider a small wedding with maybe 15-20 people. Parents, siblings, grandparents, your best friends. But not inviting anyone after you've been together 9 yrs.

It sounds like you are starting this off on the wrong foot. After all, you said you were planning a huge wedding. You had a big fight and he left. Now it sounds as if you are trying to hide the fact that you are going to marry this guy. Many people will be trying to figure out why you had to hide it. Why did it have to be done in secret? After all, you are still hurt about your mother's eloping.

Don't expect that family gathering when you come back to be happy and full of good cheer. I'm sorry babe but some of them are going to be furious with you. Now that doesn't stop people every year from eloping and I'm not saying it definitely should stop you. But since you were hurt, you should be able to understand a lil of how hurt she will be.

Good luck but weigh carefully the pros and cons. I hope everything works out.

Answer 2

Explain to your mom exactly what you have said here. Politely ask her to respect your wishes, as you are an adult. Your wedding is YOUR big moment in your life, not hers. Explain to her that you are concerned that drama may arise if the family is there, and that even if she could assure you that it won't, you and your fiance have made your decision. End of story.

Make sure you tell her about the "family event at your home" after the ceremony and invite her. Tell her you want her a part of your life and celebration, but the ceremony is your immediate family's celebration, and somewhat private. Remind her that you love her, without making it seem like you are trying to bribe her with that or appease her.

Best of luck - weddings are wonderful! =]
Audrey

Answer 3

Tell her straight out that you've decided after a great deal of thought and discussion to go ahead and get married, but you'd rather do it quietly by yourselves and then have a family event later.

If things get heated in the conversation, please resist all temptation to mention the fact that she didn't invite you to her wedding! That way lies huge family fights in which people refuse to speak to each other, and suchlike badness. Just because it's true doesn't mean you have to bring it up.

Tell her it's the way you want things. Lather, rinse, repeat as necessary. Don't allow yourself to be sidetracked. Remind your mother you love her (assuming you do), but that this is your decision and not hers.

Best of luck to you and your family! I wish you all joy in your marriage.

Answer 4

Do like I did, go get married, then tell her.