I have become such a bad mom?

Question

I was once a great mom but it feels like i cant be most of the time. I had an infant loss last year and slowly Ive become less patient, less enthusiastic about doing almost anything. All the whining and fighting, and the whole needing stuff at inconvenient times, sometimes I just dont care when someone gets hurt from them pushing each other, Im totally burnt out. I get a good amount of breaks but I never feel rejuvinated. I had a gried counselor, I tried therapy for controling my attitude but it gets turned into them wondering if I hit my kids. I know Im irrational, Ive been saying a long time, "Im not sure how long I can take it"and now Im at that point. I cant believe Im even functioning. How can I get help w/o ppl suspecting Im abusing my kids? Forget the pills. What about hypnotherapy?

EVERYTHING is an irritation. Water dripping on my foot when washing my face, the shirt landing on the floor when I tossed it to the bed, and the road rage! I get so angry over very small, every day things.

Answer 1

Hi sweetie. You love your children, you hate your life right now and cannot control your emotions. Frustration, short fuse, inability to make decisions, that anxious feeling you may wake up with, excessive guilt - these are common signs of depression in women. Yes you can get out of bed, get the kids ready, etc. You are still most likely in the midst of a major depressive episode. Call your health care provider today and get a referral to a psychiatric center for evaluation. Do it today and you will soon be sleeping better, loving better and not feeling guilty all the time. Don't wait on it. Your kids are counting on you Mom.

Answer 2

Girl there is nothing wrong with you at all. You are a GREAT MOM.
Kids just make us crazy sometimes.

What I did was,

*whining:
they would have to sit on the bathroom Floor
(quietest room in the house that had no destractions).
With door open. I would tell them, when they were ready to
stop the whining and whaling, they could simply come out.
But not untill they were "Ready". Yes it works

* Ask me ONCE. If I am asked twice, all bets are off for the rest of the fun. That means NO for everything all day. And I don't discuss it.

*MOM. . . you gotta learn to shut your mouth.
When you get quiet and don't entertain the bantering,
they will know to shut it "or else".
And NO ONE wants to find out what "or else" is.

*Don't reward loud, obnoxious behavior. They get nothing with that.

* once they stop, allow them to pick ONE.

ONE MOM. JUST ONE.

*Hitting & tattling, back to sit in the bathroom. . . . . .
In the Mall, give them a important job.
Have them to hold something for you.
Like a small box, not your purse.

* grocery store . . . . . . quiet in the supermarket.
Don't go down the cereal isle when the kids are with you.
OR, go back to the "pick one thing" rule

*tantrums are not tolerated and get NO ATTENTION.
Tell the You are going home, . . . .
slowly walk away so that you can still see them,
when you are, slightly out of sight they will get up and get it together.

*Do not handle them in a tantrum. They just want to do it more.

Answer 3

I am so sorry for your loss.

Anger is a normal part of the grieving process. It's normal for you to be angry, as part of dealing with the loss of your infant.

When the anger gets to the point that it keeps you from caring about your remaining children, it's crossed a line and needs to be handled.

Yes, the councilors probably will bring up the possibility of violence against your kids. But why does that stop you from going anyway? They have to probe a little about it, it's their job.

When we are really angry, we tend to look for ways to stay that way. We sometimes don't really want to let go of it.

I think you are using their comments about possible child abuse as an excuse to stop going to counseling. Maybe they were getting too close to the real source of your anger and it frightened you.
(I DO NOT mean to say you were close to abusing your children.)

I mean to say that we use anger to hide hurt or fear from ourselves. Maybe they were getting close to the real fear or hurt, that is too painful for you to look at.

So I think you need to go back to the counselor, face their probing and your pain, and with their help, move past this anger, and find the healing you so desperately need.

Best wishes to you and your children.

Answer 4

Hynotherapy is way more dangerous than the pills! If that's your worry! Did you know that people don't even know how it works or why it works and can produce things like multiple personality disorder/disociative identity disorder through hynosis! It's not science. Never go to a therapist who does hypnosis.

What about cognitive therapy? I like it. It's logical. Makes sense. Have you tried hobbies? I like writing, drawing and exercise to improve my mood. What about just plain old sicking the kids on your partner? Give yourself a break.

Answer 5

So do I. What I suggest is that you continue with council ling and definitely get the kids into a day camp/summer camp/daycare if you can afford it. At least until you can get control of your sanity. Don't worry find the right strategy and you will be back to your self again.

Answer 6

It sounds like you're in depression after the loss of your infant last year. You need some counseling or therapy and probably an antidepressant to help get you out of this 'anger' funk that you're in. It's certainly not easy to deal with, especially with other kids to contend with. Get some help, honestly.

Answer 7

http://www.osho.com/shop/audiobookclub/introduction.cfm
Please listen to the samples 1, 2 & 3

Also could try aroma and coplor therapy, look into feng shui to be sure placement of furniture isn't bringing you down and holding you there. Best books are at the library I haven't found on line web sitess that I have been plased with.
Hope you will feel better soon. Best wishes!

Answer 8

First and foremost, I am so sorry for the loss of your child. It doesn't seem as if you have had time to recover. Honestly, you need to take a break. If you can afford it, hire a babysitter for your kids for the summer and take some time to relax and reflect. You need to allow some time just for YOU.

Answer 9

what about dealing with the real underlying issues that are causing your behaviors. If you don't, you will end up abusing your children. A grief counsellor can help with that specific problem, but they do nothing to help or find the underlying cause of radical behavioral changes like yours. You should see a psychologist and get the help you desperately need to get to the actual root of your problem and deal with it.

Answer 10

you know, i am not a nurse, so i wont give you medical advice. my mother died when i was only 12, but i had the greatest father anyone could ask for. he stayed strong for us 3 kids. i am so proud and lucky to have been given a father like that. wouldn't you want your children to have the same feelings about you when they get older? concentrate on that, maybe it will help. and i am deeply sorry about your loss.