Sexual contact and religion how far is too far?

Question

Just a quick question for the actively practicing religious people out there. I'm wondering how much sexual contact you are allowed before marriage. Is oral sex permitted, how about mutual masturbation, for instance is a religious woman allowed to touch a mans penis before marriage?

How about after marriage what is permissible then?

I'm asking this because some of my friends are christian and catholic and they find it uncomfortable when I bring up this topic with them. Also I have looked around and can't seem to find a definitive list anywhere on the internet. I know many people will tell me that it is up to the individual, but what is the collective view of the church.

Oh just to clarify for some.

I am male.
Have lots of sex.
And am in no way religious.

People seem to be getting confused about these three things.

In regards to a response I just received... No I'm not here to do any christian bashing. Yes the sex I'm having is outside of marriage. But the reason I ask is I'm trying to get a better understanding of what exactly governs the behavior of people around me. The catholic and christian friends I mentioned earlier seem to (I quote here) "score" or "hook up" lots - even more than me. However they never engage in more than "heavy" kissing, that I know of. I'm genuinely interested in peoples opinions of this as well.

Just trying to get a better understanding of the world.

Answer 1

As with anything all I can tell you is my own beliefs and interpretations.

Any sexual contact is wrong before marriage, however seeing as we are all human we all do things we shouldn't. These things we ask God to forgive. Having intercourse before marriage would definitely be wrong, unmarried people should not put them self into a situation where they may be tempted to have intercourse.

And having as many partners as one can have (scoring or what ever euphemism one wants to use for it) is, to me, distasteful and ignorant. Many people do not and cannot understand the relationship a man and woman can have and often do develop after being one for many years. There is a lot to be said for the trust you develop and how even that affects the sexual relationship between a man and woman.

In the Bible Paul says it would be better if we were all like him (he was an eunuch) but he then says to avoid fornication (having intercourse outside of marriage) let every woman have her own husband and let every man have his own wife.. it also is said in the Bible (forget who said it) that it is better marry than to burn.

It is also said that the marriage bed is undefiled, meaning when you are having intercourse with your spouse or oral sex, God looks away. (I personally believe sodomy, anal sex, is wrong.. no matter in what instance it is done.)

In my experiences the Church never had any view of intercourse after marriage. That was between that couple and God.

On edit; I see that you posted that you yourself have lots of sex, I assume outside of marriage.. and I wonder why, unless you are questioning yourself, you ask this question.

I would hope that unlike so many others you are not looking for yet another reason to bash Christians?

Answer 2

The view of the Church is that you should absolutely wait for marriage to have sex.

The rest is a slippery slope, with different interpretations, we are obviously not supposed to wait for marriage before any romantic interaction. It would not seem normal to wait for marriage to Kiss, Dance, Date, etc.

So it is left up to the individuals a lot, and we all make mistakes, that is why we have the Sacrament of Redemption.

Many young people leave organized Religion during there younger years because some of these rules are hard to follow. It is sad because the rules are there to bring us true happiness, if we look at our society and what harm promiscuity has caused with teenage Pregnancy, STD's (Yes they are rampant on College and High School campuses) Abortion, Sterilization, etc., It is hard to make a case that immorality is really a good thing.

Being a Christian is not always easy, but it is always worth the effort.

Good Luck and God Bless!

Answer 3

The Bible says to flee sexual immorality, but that term is not exactly defined in Scripture. I would place it in the category of "I can't define it, but I know it when I see it." While the Bible does not directly define sexual immorality, it does present many examples and cite many things which are moral, so a little bit of reading between the lines is necessary. In my personal estimation, no sexual contact of any kind beyond kissing and holding hands would be Biblically permissible, though I'm fully aware that no one (or, at least VIRTUALLY no one) would agree with me any longer. This is because even the church does not hold itself to the standards of the Bible any longer. There's a sense of "It's 2007 now and we need to adjust to the times." But God's standard has not changed, not in 10,000 years, and not for another 10,000 years. IF you can do these things and have NO LUSTFUL THOUGHTS, then I would venture to say that you're pretty safe as far as God is concerned and you should enjoy it. But if, like any other human on earth, you cannot, then I would not advise doing these things. God has made a promise that if we will submit to Him, He will bless us. None of my sisters nor my mother were virgins when they married. All are divorced, my Mom never remarried. I'm not saying that happened because they had sex before marriage, but it is interesting that all their marriages failed. I would like to see statistics on it for comparison. I'm not saying God's punishing sin with divorce, but there are consequences to sin. You can't go on "If it feels good do it," but rather, "If it feels right, and the Bible doesn't say it's wrong, maybe."

Answer 4

For a Christian, there should be little to no contact. Hand holding,a little kissing, but anything that may make another lust in any way is fornication. The bible wants us to be clean and pure until marriage, and doesn't change just because you are getting married. If it causes you to want to do more, it's wrong. When you are married, what you do inside the boundaries of your own marriage is up to you. I don't believe there is any problem unless you begin involving other people in your sexual encounters with your spouse. That's the point where fornication/adultery comes in again, because you are causing someone else to lust after you or your spouse. Anything you do after marriage should stay with in the confines of you and your spouse.

Answer 5

It's not so much about the "act" but the heart of the people. If you know it's wrong in God's eyes, you shouldn't do it. I once heard a saying. Don't do it if you couldn't do it in front of someone you admire. After marriage, however, the bible says that the marriage bed should be undefiled. In other words, if the two agree, then anything goes! God's purpose for sex is the reproduction of a man and woman.

Answer 6

I think that the more physical contact you have together, the more you are going to want to become more and more intimate. My husband and I waited until we were married to make love, and it is defiantly worth the wait. He is a new Christian, and is very vulnerable to falling in his walk with Christ. You have to be the strong one here, because he is a guy and guys already have a hard time when it comes to being physical. I think that it is ok to hug, and kiss, just don't be doing that on the couch, because that leads to making out. You have to make sure that the places you decide to hug and kiss, are not places where you two can get more physical. Watch your public display of affection, if it is too much, people will assume that yall are sleeping together. Also talk about everything, the more communication between you the better. Lastly, I'm proud of yall for wanting to do the right thing, and ignore the rest of society who thinks they have to have sex in order to breath. Good luck to both of you in your walk with Christ!

Answer 7

I don't consider oral sex or mutual masturbation as "chaste" conduct. Genital contact is a part of the sex act that should be preserved until marriage. Don't be ridiculous.

I mean, how would you feel if something happened and you didn't marry that person who you mutually masturbated or had oral sex with? That would be so embarrassing.

Kissing on the lips I would think is as far as it should go. Deep petting is what leads to fornication.

Answer 8

having sex before marriage is a sin. ur only to masturbate if that would keep u from haveing sex with someone. after legal marriage they may have sex. the man should make wuthdu a ritual cleaning and then say in the name of god the most graciuos teh most merciful. then they may preform. however a man weight may never be on a womans chest like resting with a force of his weight because she cant breath. also anal sex is forbidden. homosexuality is a sin. and u may never sleep with more than one person like sums. the female must also *** before the man. however all this depends on what religion. and culture.

Answer 9

HANDS OFF! MOUTH OFF! Keep it simple until marriage. I think kissing is ok as long as it doesn't lead elswhere. I believe that purity in a christian relationship is of the utmost importance. Sure, sex & fondling feels good - the world says "If it feels good do it" but we are not the world. Being pure before your spouse on your wedding night is one of the most special gifts you can give someone. Your whole self. Even if a person has made the mistake of having sex before, they shoule make a pact with themself that it won't happen again until you are married. They can be a "pseudo virgin" to their commited one.

Answer 10

The church says to keep your virginity until you are married. Some people take that to mean that ANYTHING else is okay, including oral sex and anal sex. This is dangerous, because you can still get STD from any of those. Also, I personally know of two girls who got pregnant, even though there was no penetration. One of them was still wearing her underwear.

Don't let anyone tell you that masturbation is wrong. It is a normal, physical act, just like eating and sleeping.

I admire you for wanting to wait. Your husband will appreciate it.

After marriage, any sex between you two, as consenting adults, is fine. Use your wildest imagination. Enjoy!