Is this "ok" in a relationship?

Question

Let me just start out with the basics. I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months, we now live together. I am trying to figure out if the following are something I should "follow"?
I have respected his wishes thus far.

- No hanging out with people we have been sexual with.
- No hanging out with exes. No talking, nothing. (Same for above.)
- No "Myspace" (Our profiles have been deleted from over a month. Note: "Myspace is how we met")
- Let each other know where we are going, who we are with, when we will be home, etc...

Honestly, this list continues...But I'm running out of space here...

Also:
I have been married, and I have a little girl from that marriage. The marriage wasn't exactly "sane" and the limits were non-exsistant.

(As you might see from my previous questions, I am a bit -- A lot confused by this current relationship.)

Thanks a bunch!
Angela*

The same "rules" apply to him, not just me. I didn't want it to look like it did.

I do feel a little "bound" by them. I'm not too sure if they're confortable to me yet or not. But also, between family and friends who new me before this relationship, they say I am not "being me".

Answer 1

well my answer may not be popular, but i guess you want many different opinions
i think a realtionship should have rules & boundaries, i like you went from one with none to one with many, so i know both sides, i have no problem with them. it gives you sureity and security. and, if neither of you are not doing anything you shouldnt then there should be no problems, so long as your both in agreement i think its a good thing

Answer 2

No Myspace? Why?

Leting them know where you are, who you are with, when you will be home? Are you still living in your parents house or what?

If there was trust in the relationship, these things would not have to be set out as rules. He wouldn't need to know where you are all the time because wherever it is, he trusts you to behave.

And respect, if you respect him, you will not make him worry, but will let him know, if you are away for a long time, where you are and that you are OK.

These shouldn't be rules spelled out. Some of this is just trust and respect.

Answer 3

Sorry but this does not sound healthy. He does not trust you and is quite jealous/possessive. Not because you met on myspace you will cheat on him there or anywhere. Let him know that you are faithful and that you need your space and if he cannot accept that you will have to walk away. But compromise on seeing your exes a bit less perhaps, although your baby's dad will always be part of your life. He is insecure and needs reassurance.Its up to you to know how long you can put up with this but think of your little daughter as well. Good luck.......

Answer 4

Your boyfriend seems a little insecure. Did he have someone in his life that cheated on him? Cause it kinda sounds like it. Either that or he's controlling, and that only gets worse as the relationship goes on. If you do want to hang out with your exes, have a sit down talk with him and explain that you love him, and you would never cheat on him, that if he was cheated on in the past, that's another girl, and not you. If he's still adamant about you not being around the others, you might have to think twice about how much you want to be with someone with these trust issues..good luck!

Answer 5

I think that love and trust are equal in a relationship. You need one to have the other. If you agree with the rules and you feel that they are acceptable, then you have your answer on whether or not it's ok. If you feel like they are restrictive, then that is your answer as well. If you love someone, compromise is always a good thing, but not to the point where you are making drastic changes in your life to accommodate them. If they loved you before, then they should continue to love you as you are.

From the list you gave, it doesn't seem like a huge problem to me. But again, only you can answer if it's a problem for you.

Answer 6

Sounds like you are trying to consume each other instead of caring about each other. Tha is not a healthy relationship. Too much control over each other willkeep you from developing trust and growing as persons. Jealousy is a horrible thing, and it ruins relationships. After awhile you will both begin to feel trapped. You need to be able to have some freedom in your lives. It is as if you are putting cages around each other!!

Answer 7

if you want an honest answer, not just what you want to hear, well here it goes. there is a difference between setting boundaries and being a control freak. boundaries are a good thing, it lets you both know from the beginning what is expected and accepted, but they should be agreed upon equally. with what you have said, those don't seem like boundaries at all, it is what you should and should not be doing if you are in a serious relationship. if those things are too difficult or make you unhappy or uncomfortable, you are not ready to be serious yet, which is fine, just be honest with yourself and your bf.

Answer 8

All relations come with commitments, so if these are the rules that you both set for yourself and do not feel too bound up by them.. then its pretty fine! And all exes and past relationships do create problems in the present relations, no matter how broad minded you think you are. As long as you both love each other and are happy in each others company everthing is ok! Enjoy .. nothing is as good as being with the person you love.

Answer 9

Yes I agree with it. But my question is do you trust each other? Like for example if you were late do to traffic and you tell him so. Would he be asking you for minute by minute details as to the why it took you an hour instead 25 minutes to get home? Because if he were to go on and on about it. It means there is no trust. And I personally find that to be very important.

Answer 10

Well, I guess it's okay if you're happy with it, but don't you think it might show a lack of trust? Still it's your relationship and it's working I think it's okay.
The only thing that worries me a bit is the little girl. Does she not get to see her Dad? I do understand that may not be an issue here though.

Answer 11

Perhaps your confused by this current relationship due to unsettled matters from your previous marriage, that you may have not taken enough time to heal from those emotional circumstances, and/or your daughter. Usually a two year rule to no dating after Divorce is a wise one, to search within self, to figure out the emotional rollercoaster of a failed marriage and/or relationship. Within that two year time, with honest, self discovery, is part of that healing process. It is not an easy process, but with your family doctor and proper referrals to councelling in circumstances can make a big difference, as well as positive friends who are supportive with a positive outlook on life. Perhaps, the relationship most important is the one with your daughter, right now, as, your confusion is no good for her. Your daughter is looking to you for nurturing, and guidance, and stability. Perhaps, you should reconsider this current relationship and focus on your future with your daughter, and what changes you may or may not have to make. You have the ability of creating a very happy future for you and your daughter. Taking time out to discover what your capabilities really are will only promote growth in strength and courage only you will learn, and your daughter by seeing you, and watching you, as you do her. Get involved in your community, for self, as well as for joining new activities that will enhance your family connection with your daughter. Hope that helps, wishing you both comfort and cheering you on in happiness towards your sucesses.