I'm tired what do i do?

Question

I'm a step mom of three children boy's two teenagers and a ten year old. My husband work takes him away from home for up to a month sometimes. we are in the middle of a court battle for them that has me up at night. and the day the boy's mom calls sometimes up to forty times a day. I have told her that there is no reason to call that many times un plugged the phone. She tells them really hurtful things calls them names and lies to them on everything because she walked out on them and now when she is ordered toi pay childsupport is trying to come back in their life we go to court soon and we have more then enough evadence to when our case. I have over fifty recorded phone calls and a letter where she signed kids over to me the stepmom it is dated two yeas ago.this court case has drug on for a year now and i'm tired and broke and I think i need a day or two to myself but with my husband gone all the time how do i do this? and No there is no family within 600 miles to watch the kids.

Answer 1

No wonder you are exhausted, this situation has got to be emotionally draining. I am married to a service man, sometimes gone for months at a time. He just got back from his second tour in Iraq a few weeks ago. Talk about stress!!!! Trying to raise a family, manage a household and deal with all the worry about his welfare, AAARRRGHHHH!!!!
If you don't start taking some time every day for yourself, you are going to fry!!! Unplugging the phone is a great place to start! Set aside some time every day to yourself, time to unwind, do yoga, take a bath, eat chocolate, read a book, have a glass of wine, whatever it takes. Put the oldest in charge of the other two and say I need me time. Give the oldest a little reward for being responsible, a little extra allowance, a game they want, whatever.
As far as the ex, she is only hurting herself. I went thru the same with my ex and his new wife, a dominating, manipulative little b@#$ch!!!! I didn't play by her rules, and my daughter saw things for how they really are. I know about all this court crap, too, been there, done that!!! This too shall pass...
I know how hard it is, how draining it is, but in the end, it is worth it. Those kids are worth it!!! Keep reminding yourself that there is nothing that she can do that can defeat you!!!
My best wishes to you, sister.

Answer 2

When you go to court, the main winner is the lawyers.

Maybe you can find an arbiter, to sit down with the ex-wife and work out a custody deal. That way she can look after them for some days, and help you relax. The children have the right to see their real mother and trying to stop her from seeing them is just a waste of money, time and emotion.

Maybe you can get help from the kids. Teenagers can learn to be more responsible and do things to help you. Though with the emotion battle raging around them they may rebel from the feeling of hurt or reacting to your hurt.

If someone rings and something bad, you can take a restraining order against them to stop them ringing. But this will just fuel the conflict further.

You will also be surprised how much help you can get, if you ask for it.

For example, if you belong to a local church, often you can get help from the church.

You might talk to some parents of the children's friends. Maybe just say you are a little bit sick, and the doctor told you to rest. Maybe your kids can stay at friend's places for the weekend or other days, to give you a little break. But be careful about what you say, because it could used against you and your husband in court, if they can show you are not able to look after the children.

Answer 3

The older kids can babysit the 10 year old while you take a mental health hour or two to yourself. Go to the movies alone. Visit a friend alone. Just do something to get out of the house. It might also be worth it to have a second phone line installed in the home that the ex calls, while you have another line for sane people to use.

I also think you need a friend who understands. Look for an online support group. They are a great source of advice, support and just a good way to vent about how hard the situation can be at times.

http://www.stepmomstation.com
http://www.secondwivesclub.com
http://www.secondwivescafe.com

All offer great support for stepmoms and second wives.

Answer 4

When they're at school (I assume they go) either:

1. Go to BED for the day! -Have a pyjama day
2. Have a SCENTED BATH with BUBBLES
3. Do some Yoga or Pilates or Exercise off the TV (you'll be amazed how much better you feel!)
4. Try some Feng Shui- Clean out a messy drawer
This sounds strange, but tackling something small and controlling and organising it does wonders!
5. Go for a Walk (yes you're tired, but exercise is surprisingly energizing!)
6. CHOCOLATE
7. Drink lots of WATER (strange too, but water is balancing and helps your body to reduce stress)
8. AS above, get the kids to watch each other, or a neighbour
9. Keep the phone OFF the hook!
(don't answer the nasties, have a code fro friends and family to use, for example, ring twice, hang up, then have them ring back- when you hear 2 rings and the person immediately rings back you know it's safe to answer the phone!)

Answer 5

Hi there.
I have been throiugh court all be it with my own kids. But I know hopw stressful it can be.

I would try and see if you can get all of the kids a sleep over with opne of their friends. This would give you a night to yourself at least.

I agree with the person who said do some things for yourself. But I know that is not always possible with time or money constrates.

When I can't sleep I have a hot shower/bath a cup of lemon tea and either read a book I love of watch a movie I know almost by heart. It's not much but it is something for me.

Your lucky in that you have a partner. I did it alone and my kids were younger. But you need to talk to him and get some support going. Or it may cost you everything.

I hope you get the outcome you need.

Answer 6

Tell your husband to take some time off work a few days or a week or something then get some time for yourself. Go to a health farm or if you cant afford it right now then just take a day out and go for lunch!little things make a difference. You need your own time to chill out and relax. Maybe tell your husband your going to start a class once a week like yoga? Dont run yourself into the ground xxx

Answer 7

with summer coming camps are always good. good luck, raising step kids is rough. Try just taking a day off, have the older kids watch the younger one and go do somehthing for yourself. I even go see movies alone, anything to make you feel balanced again.

Answer 8

Kick your husband and his kids to the curb he's using you as a babysitter for his own selfish needs. Go get a real life...grass is GREENER on the other side of the fence.

Answer 9

Ask your lawyer what you can do about her harassment? That is exactly what it is. There ought to be something he can tell you. It may be a little late in the game (I'm not sure), but there are legal company's that yu pay so much a month that may represent you. I believe one of them is called Pre-Paid Legal. It seems your lawyer could advise you on this harassment situation. IF he has, follow through on what he says to do. She seems to be dangling you on a string, and in the process controlling your thoughts, keeping you up, and exhausting you. YOu have enough on your hands already. What kind of psychological effect is it having on your children? Think of all these things, and then decide what to do within legal limits. You must be a strong individual, and you can continue to be. I kind of feel she may be trying to bother you enough towhere you will drop the child support charges. From what it sounds like, maybe it won't be long until it is over. Just don't let it get to you as much as she wants it to. Sounds like you are winning. She wants you to think you are not in control of the situation. A person can get so worn down, that he/she gives in. Keep hanging in there. There are laws against harrassment in Arkansas. If there are any such laws there, ask your lawyer to file harassment charges against her. Then there are child abuse laws that include mental abuse towards the children. Sounds like you have evidence to prove what she's been doing, She is probably scared she will have to pay child support, and definitely doesn't want to. This person is probably yanking your cord, and does not want responsibility of these children, although she wants you to think she does and wants you to think she can move in and take them. Does your husband know about the tremendous stress you are under? Have you told him what is going on. HOw does he feel? It is hard enough trying to raise 3 children alone, especially when two of them are teenagers. You definitely need the support of your husband and his strong arm to lean on. Pray! Pray! Pray! Do you go to church anywhere? If you do, do you have a close friend you can share this with? Will you talk to your pastor about it? Our LOrd Jesus says to share each other burdens. When all seems hopeless, Jesus has the answer. I know my answer may sound harsh, but she probably knows she is not in control of the situation, but sure wants you to think she is. She is controlling yu, tho. I'm sure, by now, your lawyer knows what is going on with her. Whatever he suggests you do, do it. It couldn't hurt the children (if this is how you are thinking. Forgive me for jumping to conclusions if I am wrong.) anymore than they are going to be hurt from the psycological abuse she is putting them through. Yes, words hurt more than stones do sometimes. Physical bruises go away, psychological ones are much more difficult to deal with and takes longer too. Sometimes they last a lifetime. Protect them, and let her know by your actions she can't do this. As for time to yourself, take off when your husband comes home. let him bear the responsibility of these children before you are no longer able to. YOU are important, too. Hopefully, you can draw strength from what i am telling you. I know u r a strong individual who will make it through this. It is not everybody who will take on three children that are not biologically theirs and love them as you do. You hang in there. Just know yu are the one in control, and she's not. You are in my prayers. Allow Jesus to work in your life. I could not have made it without Him. Contact your department of Human Services, and see if they can put you in touch with someone with whom you can talk to.. They maybe able to put you in contact with someone who will watch the children for an hour or so. My husband and I are raising three of my grandchildren. They are 4,5, and 7. They receive counseling, and the "conselor" takes the children to a center and gives me a break.. See if you are eligible for any kind of assistance that will qualify you to get services that the DHS offers. Call your local churches, and see if they offer services thatallow you to get away just for a little while. call the chamber of commerce, and see if there are support groups that also have baby sitting services. It doesn't mean you are a beggar or anything of the sort, just because you need help, We all need assistance or help at some time in our life. There was once a time in my life, when I was too proud to ask for help. I hope I have helped. I am speaking as someone who has had a hard time sometimes too. It was not easy. I did make it. YOu will too. yu are not in this boat by yourself, by any means. There are people who have been where you are, and some who are where you are. Just hang in there. YOu are going to make it. You have to take care of yourself, or you will not be able to take care of anybody, lady. There are people out there who care. I am not the only one who does. Please take care of yourself.

Answer 10

awwwwwwwwwww.......thats a bad man.......who hides his chrildrens until he is married..........i'm sure that is the case..right............