At first my son who has a daughter who is 8 from a previous relationship made every effort to involve her and all his family in his new relationship, things went well and soon they were living together and his daughter stayed with them at the weekends. His partner then became pregnant and then started to sever all connections with his side of the family including his daughter who was devasted. Its now 2 years down the line and things have steadily got worse, I now have 2 grandchildren who I never see, after months of trying to keep her happy by visiting in the evening when my son was at home with a check phone call to make sure it was convienient to go over. My current situation is now that I feel i have lost a son, a grandson and grandaughter and they have lost one half of a family who love them unconditionally.
2007-06-11 21:53:42 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She sounds like a control freak or one very insecure person to me. I can't believe your son goes along with this. You need to talk to him somehow. Or pull her up about this when your son is there. For some reason she doesnt want anything to do with you and you need to find out why!
2007-06-11 21:59:27 · answer #1 · answered by sallyally 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Right, its time to take off the kid gloves!
Its about time you told your son how stupid and selfish he is being. By severing the connection between you and your grandchildren he is not doing any sides any favours. Your grandchildren are being disadvantaged just as much as you are.
As for the 8 year old girl I cringe when I think of the pain she must be going through at her fathers rejection; there is absolutely no excuse for such rotton behaviour! And for her sake you really need to tell him what a an irresponsible #?!& he is.
If I were you I would not blame the woman in the relationship at all. He is her partner so he has at least 50% of the blame. Secondly, he is the man in the relationship and as such has the option of putting his foot down where seeing his own daughter and parents is concerned, hence another 25% of the blame is apportioned to him.
Do your son’s partner’s parents have access to their grandchildren? Then he is an even bigger fool! What applies to the gander, should apply to the goose.
If your sons partner does not like his family, thats fine, no law says you have to get along BUT you need access to yur grandchildren and the 8yr old needs access to her father.
Your son can bring the two children once a week, fortnight, month, quarter etc over to your house so that they get to know you and vice versa. Its a sin to keep children away from their loving grandparents.
In addition, your son needs to make time in his schedule, at the very least once a week to see his older daughter and reassure her of his love. in a very short time the shoe will be on the other foot and he'll want to see her but she may not. Advise him to repair his bridges now before its too late.
2007-06-11 22:21:27 · answer #2 · answered by Ms S 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
How upsetting this must be for you, I agree that you may need to speak to someone about your legal rights, but keep that for your own information. If your son and the woman aren't married it can be hard to gain access. I agree with her, that you should make sure it's ok to visit as too often get's too much very quickly and what do you have to talk about? You don't have to live in each others pockets to be close and can be seen as overbearing, especially if the partner isn't used to it. Don't give up, talk to her about visiting and be friendly. Invite her round to see you with the children for a change -your son doesn't have to be there does he? She may be lonely, suffering from depression or feels left out in some way. Give them some space as a family but keep friendly and open to her. I hope it all works out for you, good luck.
2007-06-11 23:22:36 · answer #3 · answered by mrsB 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your son needs to leave his partner. This will only get worse, and it's just not healthy for the children to be sheltered from their family and be so controlled. Encourage him to leave now before there's another pregnancy or the control issue gets even more out of hand.
2007-06-12 00:53:52 · answer #4 · answered by tooblessed2doubt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same situation My son has nothing to do with me so I don't get to see my two grandchildren by his present partner but I get to see his daughter from his first relationship as her mother wants me to see her but his present partner does not
2007-06-12 08:42:52 · answer #5 · answered by pat e 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a sad situation. Unfortunately you need to speak to the son, and tell him that he is being unfair to the children and to you. He is the only one that can change things.
I have to say this, however, if you were critical of her, I would probably have done the same thing. No mother-in-law should tell their children how to raise the grandchildren.
2007-06-11 22:00:16 · answer #6 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK, well thanks for that. Do you have a question?
Personally, I always find these type of 'questions' such a waste of time. How can anyone comment on your situation without having any other understanding except for a one sided paragraph or two that gives only the tiniest insight into the problem? I mean, Trisha and Jeremy Kyle are bad enough, but at least you get to see both sides for the story and get a few minutes to hear the background. I seriously doubt anybody on here is really in a position to give meaningful help or advice, and if they ARE, how can they based on the tiny amount of information here?
Perhaps you should seek whatever help, advice or assistance you need closer to home and in real life...
2007-06-11 22:02:10 · answer #7 · answered by Caffeine Fiend 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
that is so wrong....does she have a reason why she stopped you from seeing your grandchildren? or did she just stop? your son should have words with that woman, if you have done nothing wrong to her then she owes you an explanation and your son should apologise to you also....i think that is so mean what they are doing...he knows that you love his children so why would he allow her to hurt you like this....she needs a good talking to hun....go and see her and ask her face to face what you did that was so wrong for her to stop the visits, you can't just leave it like this
2007-06-12 00:03:08 · answer #8 · answered by Dazzlebox 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont' worry. I'm sure the CSA will come chasing him for money even though the court ordered visitation rights are being ignored by the mother. Rant over now.
The first step would be trying to reach an amicable solution with the monther but if that doesn't or can't happen, speak to a lawyer and citizens advice about what he can do.
2007-06-11 21:59:24 · answer #9 · answered by DMsView 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
You need to invite your son out for dinner or catch him when he gets off work, and confront him as to WHY he has allowed this situation to happen. Whatever reason she is giving him for cutting you off, I guarantee you it is not a good one. Be persistant and do NOT let him get out of answering the question - he needs to explain WHY HE HAS ALLOWED this to happen and continue to happen. DO NOT say ANYTHING bad or negative about his "partner", just focus on HIS responsibility in this.
2007-06-11 22:00:46 · answer #10 · answered by BikerChick 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋