i do not know what to do. for Christians only!?

Question

Before i even ask this question, i am not looking for answers from those who want to make some stupid comment. I am all serious here. I was at a church for a long time (well over 10 years). The people where great and i loved the fact that we felt like one big family. Well one day i went to see the pastor about a problem i was having. i really trusted what we talked about would be just between the two of us. well the next day he stood up in front of the whole church and "when you sin..this is what happens to you "and he told my story, but did not use my name. still i knew who he was talking about and that really did hurt me. than a few people in the church began to gossip about it. Thats when i knew i had to leave. I really want to got to a new church, but i am not so trusting anymore and am afraid to get hurt by another christian like that again. should i just not go anymore or should i just try a new church? thanks!

i know in my heart i should just go to a new chruch, but at the same time i wonder if this could happen again. hard to explain

I did talk to him about it. I told him i forgave him, but you all have to know i was not the first and last person he did this to

Answer 1

Man... I have heard of these kinds of this happening before.
I can understand the need for a minister to talk about things that may be difficult to talk about in church but it pushes a fine grey line when you start talking about the personal lives of someone in the church even if you do not use their name.

Keep in mind there is no doctor patient privilege when it comes to clergy, however myself and all the ministers I know would die before dropping names in a church service. Even so I would never use a story of someone in the church anyhow. Because it would feel as if he was pointing you out, making an example from you, and I’m sure by the look on your face the people around you might have a clue who was talking about too.

On behalf of clergy everywhere I apologize for his grave error. I’m sure you will get posts about how typical that is of Christians but it’s not typical. It’s not right either. He could have dug deeper and used a completely different parable to use, especially in your midst.

The first thing I would do is talk to him directly. Tell him how it made you feel. Tell him why you want to leave. He might be thinking he was helping but that is not the way to do it. If it was a sincere mistake, (Which it could very well be) than maybe he could learn a valuable lesson here. Ministers make mistakes too because they are humans as well.

However if you do leave the church it is important that at least he knows why.

As far as what to do, therein lies the rub. You could look for another church but then you may spend a while finding one that is what you’re looking for. On the other hand by staying you could feel uneasy for the remaining days there.

I would start by talking to him. Tell him how it made you feel, tell him person to person not minister to congregate. See eye to eye on this because it is very important he knows what he did, even if he didn’t mean to he needs to know.

Maybe by doing so he could seek your forgiveness which could make the process a bit easier. I would take a sabbatical away from the church for a few weeks after too. To let things cool off.

This truly is an issue that needs both of you, no matter how hard it is. Even if you decide to leave you should still let him know so he doesn’t try this again. If he needs someone to consult drop him my yahoo answers page and he can email or message me and I’ll talk to him. My mission is to bring Christ’s love back into Christianity and we can’t really do that when we are making anyone in our congregation uneasy.

Again I am VERY sorry that happened, and I have heard of rare occasions when it has. Usually the minister was inexperienced or wasn’t thinking, either way you still should tell him how you feel, after all he betrayed your trust and that is not in the love of Christ.

I pray that God guides you to the path that is best for you.

Be well!

Answer 2

definately try a new church

but here's the thing. Is there a board of elders at your church? Are they biblically accountable? Your pastor has committed a grievous error and needs to be held accountable. I realize that you might not want to have attention brought you to, or even to cause problems within the church, but this man is pastoring a congregation who has no idea what he's about. Do you have a district you can report to if you are not comfortable reporting to your elders?

Blessings dear - I truly hope that you can overcome this. This man was NOT opperating as the Lord would have him do His work.

:)
EDIT: per your additional details. Of course it MIGHT happen. We don't live in a perfect world. The important thing is that you not accept satan's ploy of planting a seed of mistrust in your heart. I know it will be hard, but please pray about this. Separation from your church or pastor doesn't mean separation from God. :)

EDIT 2: If you've already spoken to him, and others have been affected in the same way - this pastor needs to be brought to task and resign. IF that happens and your church gets a new pastor whom you are comfortable with and whom the elders have sanctioned, then stay there. IF you are no longer comfortable in the church, you must tell the elders of your concerns and the reason you are leaving so they are aware. You don't have to use names, simply state politely that your confidence in your pastor has been compromised. Then you must leave.
Pray and ask the Lord where He would have you attend church. Don't allow yourself to be told what to do in this matter. It's between you and God at this point. Don't allow yourself to be convinced that all pastors, elders and churches are like this either. I can assure you it's not the case :)

blessings let us know if this is resolved. :)

Answer 3

first off you really need to confront the pastor on his conduct he is human and even pastors make mistakes but his actions were out of line don't group all pastors and Churches in the same group find a good church were you fill comfortable the only thing that happens when you sin and ask for forgiveness is God forgives you and it is forgotten by him forever on the other hand man is not God and makes mistakes and bad calls of judgment i am sorry this happened to you but that pastor will answer for his actions some day if he loses a soul because of pain he caused i wouldn't want to be him don't let anyone person deny you your faith you are too valuable to God than that good luck

Answer 4

I had a situation where the church split. The ppl in the church decided they didn't like the pastor any longer and pushed him into leaving. It was my first church home and I loved this pastor. It hurt me...deep. I was so untrusting but I put my trust in God. I visited alot of churches and none of them seemed right. I then realized, it was me that wasn't right. Therefore, I seeked out God and prayed diligently for confimation on which church I should attend. He spoke loud and clear and I have been at this church for a year now.

Just listen to God and go out there. He will place you where he wants you. Do not let one person's fault, cause you to slip. In all honesty, you should talk to this pastor and reconcile. I am not saying you have to return to the church, but talk with him and tell him how he hurt you. It states in the Bible if you have a problem with a brother/sister, go to them and work it out.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

(sigh) I am so sorry this happened. I can imagine how hurt you have been.

Perhaps God allowed this because i is time for you to grow in wisdom and knowledge.

From what you have stated it doesn't sound as though the pastor has either discretion or discernment. Maybe you should seek a church were there is a measure of both. As well as a church that teaches both.

The single most important thing we can do as Christians is be careful whom we chose to teach us!

Before you make a decision as to where to attend church, read the word of God, pray, and seek his will for you. Ask for divine direction.

If you want a safe place to talk, please join [e-mail]

You will be in my prayers.

Answer 6

The pastor's behavior was APPALLING.

I'm not sure what would be best for you -- to confront the pastor and even maybe report him to his 'boss' or to just leave and try to find another church. Since you were so happy with your church, perhaps you should give it another try. Maybe stay away for a few weeks until you feel better then go back?

I hope you work this out. Good luck.

Answer 7

Don't quit going to church because he said that, just find a new one that has people that you can trust and love. Every church is going to have people that act like there Christians, but their still of the world. I hope and pray you find a new good church. God bless.

Answer 8

Think about maybe confronting your pastor and letting him know that you did not appreciate his "example." Okay, he didn't use your name, but you spoke with him in confidence, so he should not have repeated it to the entire church. I would want to leave if I was in your situation, but given your long commitment to the church, I would make sure and let it be known that what happened was hurtful and embarrassing. Remember though, that good things come from bad things and God is always there. :)

Answer 9

I am so sorry that you are going through this pain. The pastor should have asked you if it was okay to share that with the congregation. I know this doesn't help the pain but remember that we go to church to worship God. People will always fail us. We are imperfect. I praise God that we serve a perfect God. Yes I think you should go to church. I also would talk with the pastor of the church you were at following the process shown in Matt. 18. Again I am sorry that you have to go through this pain.

Answer 10

I hate to say it but it may be time to move on, I think. But I *could* be wrong. Seek God on that, first.
Before you go though, let the pastor know why he's leaving and about the pain he caused. Not to make him feel like a jerk but to stop him from making the same mistake again.

Hope this helps and I'll pray for you.

BD