I told a Christian, who was very angry at someone: "you should forgive him"...?

Question

... and he responded: "I forgive him, but I just don't want to talk to him".

I said: "that's not exactly forgiveness. What did you learn in the church?"

He said: "I am not perfect... and you are hyprocrites".

My question: who is the real hypocrites here? This friend that is a Christian and don't know how to forgive, OR me, who can forgive, but don't go to the church?

We are really close friends, so I am very comfortable on telling him what I think. The person he had problems with is his brother, and he was just too ofended by something his brother said, so it was not anything really serious. He said I am hipocrites, because he thinks I am not in the position to give him any lecture about "forgiveness", once I am not Christian.

Answer 1

It doesn't sound like the person really forgave him.

Answer 2

Just because he forgave doesnt mean that the hurt goes away. The relationship between the two has been damaged and wont be healed overnight. However, forgiveness is the first step towards reconciliation.

Forgiveness is not a strictly Christian act. You are just a "good" person for forgiving and not going to church

Answer 3

I really don't think it's hypocritical to avoid someone if they make you angry by talking to you. By avoiding them, in a sense you won't get angry...and if they're smart, they'll take a hint and change the way they act or what they say.

There are A LOT of people who really can't show any decency when they talk to me, so I usually walk awaybefore they can approach. Then again, they're the ones who go to church and I'm not. Funny how they're so much holier, yet they resort to pretty low tactics to make a person feel bad about themselves. (Ie.: "Are you a guy or a girl" when you're obviously a girl due to the breasts in the t-shirt and the sex on your ID card. Or "Are you gay" when you avoid the same sex.)
You can only turn the cheek so many times before you want to tear their throat out, so why not avoid them and spare both persons the pain?

I kinda rambled there, I hope it helped somewhat.

Answer 4

Assuming you're telling the whole tale, you're right. I don't get how you could be a hypocrite in this case..If anyone is, he seems to be.
He may very well have forgiven the person he's mad at. Often times I forgive someone, but I am still upset with what happened.
Personally, I'm not a super-forgiving person. but honestly, I don't really think the whole situation sounds worth either of you getting too bent out over it

Answer 5

hypocrite.
1 : a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion
2 : a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings

forgive
1.To excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon.
2.To renounce anger or resentment against.
3. To absolve from payment of (a debt, for example).

If you really forgive someone, than you automatically forget what they have done to you and that's it... you shouldn't have a problem talking to them again. now, of course every situation is different and sometimes they don't want to talk to you.

can you call them a hypocrite for this? yes. but i wouldn't because i know that it's just as hard for a christian to forgive as it is for anyone else...

Now, can you be called a hypocrite for not going to church? no. because you aren't saying that you do. now can you be called a hypocrite as a friend... probably because if he is your friend you wouldn't be judging him and pointing out his faults. you would be trying to help him through his problems and showing him how to forgive.

Answer 6

You can forgive someone but not want to be around them.....I was raped at age 12, I forgive him but he isn't coming ANYWHERE near my family!!! It depends on how serious the injury was - If you can ever trust them again or if you cast them aside like a poisonous snake!!! There is nothing wrong with not letting someone hurt you AGAIN.
Why are you judging him anyway?? Let this person learn their own lessons!!
I never learned anything good in church but I'm spiritual.

Answer 7

Christians are human and are all a work in progress. We are not perfect but are in need of the atonement this does change a person but is not instant and we all have struggles with the flesh. God does complete a work int hose who accept the atonement but the fact is we are by faith changed to his righteousness and what we have, we have by faith we have not literally died and been born again. Those who accept the atonement we are being changed to God's righteousness but we are still in our flesh in a sinful world.
A Christian is forgiven and will not serve sin but is not perfected until he is transformed which is not while he is on this sinful earth. Being a Christian does not mean immediate perfection or that we do not make mistakes but it does mean we are being changed and do not serve sin.

Answer 8

Darlin - it wasn't your argument.

A Christian is to forgive, yes... but there are times in scripture we are told to not continue the relationship under specific circumstances. Let this hurt person's heart heal - and simply pray for them. Let God work on their life.

Getting in the middle of someone elses' argument just gets your own feelings hurt - as they are now. If you are not called to be a mediator as is instructed in Matthew 18:15-17, nor are forced into becoming a peacemaker by those involved - then you need to step back and let God work.

I hope these verses will help you.

1st Thessalonians 4:11 Make it your aim to live a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to earn your own living, just as we told you before.

Proverbs 25:9-10 When you and someone else can't get along, don't gossip about it. Others will find out, and your reputation will then be ruined.

Proverbs 26:17 It's better to take hold of a mad dog by the ears than to take part in someone else's argument.

Romans 14:1 Welcome those who are weak in faith, but do not argue with them about their personal opinions.

2nd Timothy 2:14 Remind your people of this, and give them a solemn warning in God's presence not to fight over words. It does no good, but only ruins the people who listen.

2nd Timothy 2:23-26 But keep away from foolish and ignorant arguments; you know that they end up in quarrels. As the Lord's servant, you must not quarrel. You must be kind toward all, a good and patient teacher, who is gentle as you correct your opponents, for it may be that God will give them the opportunity to repent and come to know the truth. And then they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the Devil, who had caught them and made them obey his will.

James 1:19-20 Remember this, my dear friends! Everyone must be quick to listen, but slow to speak and slow to become angry. Human anger does not achieve God's righteous purpose.

James 4:11 Do not criticize one another, my friends. If you criticize or judge another Christian, you criticize and judge the Law. If you judge the Law, then you are no longer one who obeys the Law, but one who judges it.
James 4:12 God is the only lawgiver and judge. He alone can save and destroy. Who do you think you are, to judge someone else?

Matthew 5:9 Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called sons of God.

Lay aside your own hurt feelings - forgive that person for your perceived hurt and go to them privately and ask them to forgive you for your judging them.

Let there be peace in the body of Christ.

Answer 9

someone who knows that they are not perfect is not a hypocrite

he said he forgave. but its not required to talk to someone. you were requiring him to do that. you expected him to do by your standards.

if he didnt, then to you he wasnt forgiving that person. each person has their own level of doing what they know or have been taught what is right and wrong

it doesnt make either one a hypocrite... just two different people on different levels. neither one should think themselves better than the other
.

Answer 10

Well i would say neither of you. But you must understand that Christians are humans too with feeling and emotions. I am not defending what your friend did, but arnt we all guilty of going the wrong way at times? He was angry when he said what he did, maybe tomorrow he will have a different point of view.

Answer 11

I think his answer "i forgive him, but I just don't want to talk to him", is perfectly ok. Maybe he shouldn't talk to him. What he said could be acceptable forgiveness. He may not be planning any retaliation, etc. You may not be a hypocrite, but I think you have the wrong idea of forgiveness.