Mother doesn't want me to be with my boyfriend, both 19 yrs old...?

Question

We've been together for year and share such a close bond. We never fight, and I honestly see no reason at all why I should breakup with him now. I have always followed my mother's rules. She's decided that after getting to know him for the past year that he is not the one for me because: he is of a different race, religion, she feels as though he is unattractive and a momma's boy. She expects me to end things with him as soon as possible when in relaity that will simply break my heart. I do not want to choose between her and him, and when I explained to her that i respect her opinion but want to stay with him she just becomes more infuriated with me and says how she's given her life to raising me (single parent) and that I am basically awful for not listening to her wishes.

I'm typically quite good at debating her, but this time is just too much for me. Anyone have any advice?

Answer 1

Move out - she will continue to guilt-trip you for everything that doesn't go her way until you finally declare your independance from her.

She has been waiting for an opportunity like this - why didn't she say anything sooner if things that she could tell right away (race, religion, looks) were wrong?

If you were 15, I could understand - it's her rules in her house - but at 19, this is quite sad.

Answer 2

Don't let your mother use guilt to guide your choices. Good for her for raising you as a single parent, but that doesn't mean that she should use that hardship as an excuse to "get her way." As for her opinions... you'll have to ignore if she finds the other person attractive. Also, race should not be an issue, but she's probably concerned about cultural differences. Religion may be a larger issue. Just because you "don't fight" doesn't mean that you won't disagree in the future. Have you discussed your opinions about the big things in life? Do you even know what you believe or what you want from life at 19 years old? Tell your mother politely that you need to make relationship decisions for yourself. If she has rules about what you do while you're in her house, you have to respect that. If you still live with your mother, consider finding a job and a roommate so that you can get your own place. Perhaps you both need some space, and you need to learn how to make your own decisions. Don't break up with your boyfriend because of your mom. But don't ignore your mother's advice. Try to weigh advice from everyone and learn to make decisions for yourself. Do what's best for you. Also, don't rush into staying with a boyfriend long-term when you're young. Take a break from the relationship and try to discover more about yourself while you're single, if you can.

Answer 3

Tell your mom how much you love him. Your mom probably feels insicure with the guy bcuz she doesnt have one of her own (for whatever reason your dad isnt around) She can have many emotions about him but its up to you. It's your life and you have to find your way to control it. In the meantime, take your mom on a date with him. Reherse what he is going to say and what you are gonna say. Make SURE hes like prince charming and maybe your mom will begin to love him too. Good luck!

Answer 4

It appears that it is a choice between him and your mother. I think she is showing her strength and that you will succumb to her. Deep down, I believe she knows how you feel and that if you do not do as she says, she will be the one who will succumb. She will not like the situation, but she also will not want to lose you.

Parents often do this to have their way and decide for their children. But, in the end the parent will accept the situation in order to maintain solice in the relationship.

Answer 5

You are legally a grown up so you need to find a respectful way to tell Mom to back off. She should understand that putting you in the middle of those things is stressfull.

Answer 6

i undersatnd cuz that the way me and my girl was her mom and dad dont want us to be together and it got so bad that she came to live with me for 3 months and she just went home today and i feel like crying * she'll be back when she turns 18 in a couple of month) i guess what im trying to say is that if you really love him then you should be with and no matter what your mom says to you she is always going to love you

Answer 7

♥♥♥just tell her, just be like mom, i really love you, and i would never ever do anything to make you upset,
but i really love ______ and i really wish that you would let me make the decision whether to stay with him or not, mom i have always listened to what you have said, and respected your opinions, and still do, but if i end our relationship now, it will break my heart, i love him mom, and i just wish you could understand that... then walk out, do not give her a chance to reply, it will be alright hon, don't worry, love will prevail... ♥♥♥

Answer 8

you need to tell your mother that you are grown.

your mother is having a hard time letting go of that little girl in you. all mother's have that syndrome.

at first, my mother did not like the guy i was with. like you, i always listened to my mother. but this one time i couldn't. i am glad i didn't. turned out to be the best ten years of life. (married, two kids, and he is my best friend).

Answer 9

if you already earn your own $ move away from her and be independent. You will still be able to keep your relationship with her - believe me, a mother will NOT break away from her child, no matter what !

Answer 10

i wouldnt want my mom to run my life and make decisions for me. just because she raised you doesnt mean she can do that. its your life and she should respect your decisions and make what you want of your life but also go with her but if it is some nonsense stuff like that i wouldnt be happy with her.

just be with who you want to be cuz if you let people make your decisions for you youre not going to be happy the way you want to be.