Is it bad to still be upset after 17 years?

Question

My real dad left me when i was about 3 1/2 maybe 4. He gave up all rights to me and my little sister(who was just born when he left) and from what my mom says i was his everything. Well every day i think of him and wonder what did i do to him for him to do this to me..us. Yeah i know "Its not my fault" but if it wasnt then how come everytime i try to get intouch with him it last maybe a day. Then its back to him with his "new" family. It just sucks. And now with Fathers Day i get evern more upset. Should i be over it by now? Is it bad that it keeps getting harder for me every day instaed easier? Please help!

Answer 1

It's not bad. I totally understand what you're going through. My Dad and Mom divorced when I was like two. However, he didn't leave for a 'new' family or anything, he still hasn't been in my life for the past 22 years on a regular basis. It got to the point where my Dad was ALL I thought about. I figured that it was about time that I HAD to something. I wrote him a letter and told him how I felt and what I wanted. I told him that even though I'm 24 yrs. old, that I still need a Dad. And because of not having a Dad in my life, at times I still felt like a little girl, because of my issues with him. Anyhoo---long story, short. You may want to try to get your feelings out on paper...whether or not you send it to him....it'll do you a world of good!!

Let me know how it goes!!

Good Luck!

Answer 2

I think what we forget sometimes (and trust me my dad wasn't around a lot for me growing up either) that our parents are people. Your Dad made a mistake... every Father I have met love their children more than they know how to express. Sometimes we have to let our parents be people too. It's not easy and it hurts a lot. I have told my dad many hurtful things in the past but we have moved on and I accept him now for who he is. You have to accept him for who he is as an adult. Tell him how you feel, take him out to coffee and have a heart to heart. Write it all down, scream...do what ever makes you feel the best and know that just like you do our parents make mistakes. I really have been where you are and how you are feeling. It gets better and once you get to know him as an adult and maybe even a friend you may discover why he wasn't around. Maybe he is afraid that he can't undo what he already has done...only you can open up these lines of communication with him. If he doesn't respond the way you want, then you did what you could and you need to move past it. Father/daughter relationships can really screw you up in future and current relationships, so talk with someone that can really help you move past it if that is what it comes down to. Keep your chin up! You are loved by so many, if it does not turn out in your favor with him... you are loved.

Answer 3

I hate to say it but he's a terrible person. His motivation is purely selfish. Sounds like he left you and your family because he just wasn't cut out to be a family man or he wanted to leave your mother for this other woman. If it's the first, then when he grew up he should have gone back to your family instead of starting another. If its the second, he willingly gave up his family to start over with no ties to the past. Its repugnant. He's one of the worst out there. You really have to let it go or it can influence your life in a bad way.

Its going to be rough but down the road it will be worth it. I wish you all the best.

Answer 4

I haven't experienced what you experienced. So, I don't have the insights to tell whether 17 years is right or wrong.

What I do know is that 17 years is too long to carry any kind of hurt. I would be doing my best to avoid thinking about my dad, if I were you. Your sorrow is doing you no good.

If it helps, people make mistakes and hurt other people. They don't do it always merely to be mean. They quite often are just trying to get through the day. Life can be overwhelming -- even for an absentee dad.

Answer 5

This is a question I feel fully qualified to answer...I have suffered a similar experience and the real answer to the question is that forgiving your father isn't a gift to him...it is a gift to yourself. No matter how angry you are or how hurt you are nothing will bring back all of the time you missed out on...but by forgiving him you are giving yourself the freedom to live your future without the burden of all of that anger and resentment in your life. If we concentrate on anger and resentment we are only bringing MORE anger and resentment into our lives. Forgiving your father doesn't mean what he did was ok or that it didn't affect you or that you will forget it...what it does mean is that you have CHOOSEN to leave it in the past and focus only on good and positive things for now and the future. Yes it hurts and yes it is sad but don't let it hurt and sadden you for the rest of your life.

Answer 6

Sounds like you are holding a lot of resentment. Especially with you throwing the "new" family in there. I had **** for a dad too..but there is a time to get over it. My Dad is still the same way..sure if i come around he acts like he just loves the heck out of me but as soon as I'm back in my life he's centered around his..thats just how it goes. People have busy lives. Let your Dad know the door is open for him in your life and see how he uses it..but until then..keep moving forward with your life. If you really have that much resentment still..you need to talk with a therapist to try and find ways of letting the anger out. Good Luck!

Answer 7

Yes is isn't good to be upset for that long. You can't blame yourself, but if you can't get over it without knowing why, then I suggest that you get into contact again and have a serious conversation with him. Just remember somthings in the past are best left there. It is always better to think about today and enjoy the life that you do have, than to let the past haunt you.

Answer 8

it is not healthy for you to carry negative feelings for so long. Accept the fact that your real father is a person, and like everyone else he makes mistakes. he is the one who lost out. If you feel you have done everything you can to make amends with him but it still makes you feel badly....it is time to move on. accept that he isn't a strong role model in your life. be a friend to him if you want, but stop putting so much energy into these angry feelings. you have people in your life that do care about you. Also accept the fact that life is not always what you thought or expected it should be. My advice to you is to tell your father exactly how you feel. If you really do matter to him...he will find time for you...if not.....I'm sorry to say....just walk away. don't fight a losing battle.

Answer 9

he is just your biological dad, by no means is he your father. I haven't talked to mine in over 24 years, he left when I was 17. my life is much better without him but my brother stays in contact, he never has good stories about when they get together, always borrowing money and never has apologized or explained why he did what he did. I am a much stronger person for realizing that he is not, nor ever was my father and I lead a very healthy family life without need or use for someone who was just a sperm donor. it takes a real man to be a father and anyone who bails on his family is nothing more than a coward who isn't worth knowing.

Answer 10

Well my father left when I was three got remarried and had 7 more kids. hahahaha......I didn't see my dad at all until I was 35. He had a bad accident and his consiience was bothering him. Well, he was never a dad to me, never paid support, so why should I bother to let him believe I missed him as a father. To little to late...I would chalk it up to the fact that his is not a good father to you and don't waste your time trying to get his attention. There are much more fun things to do than to let a father who doesn't give a damn interfere in your life. Believe me, it is better than stewing over it all the time..Just let go, and get on with your life.