were at the same station and it is illegal to date we have been in secret. We are in love. I want to marry him. But the only way is by transfering one of us. The nearest station is four hours away. I hate the military anyway, so the question is would it be easier for us to survive if i just got out. The military cant guarentee we stay together even once marred. I want a family, i want a happy ending and forever. But its being pushed aside because of this. We both still have three years in. I cant set aside my feelings to apease an organization i hate working for. Help. Please.
2007-06-11 13:26:16 · 9 answers · asked by confused9er 1 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
thank you all for your responces... i am an e-2 and he is an e-6. The command already suspects it but there is nothing they have proof on. We are in a small station so because there is less then sixty people we are not allowed to date. Its not that i dont want to furfill my military contract or he is just that we are in a tangled mess. And in reality i dont like the military because the lifestyle isnt what i want. I dont like the person i have to become when i go to work and i miss my life before where i didnt have to respect someone because of crows... i respected them for being good people. All we know is that we want to get married. We want a family. And we are afriad if we both stay in that will not be possible until our terms are up. You cant help whom you fall in love with it just happens. I dont want to loose someone that is so valuable to me for a job that i dont want as a lifelong career.
2007-06-11 16:15:27 · update #1
Other than desertion I don't really see a way. And are either of you in combat?
2007-06-11 13:35:17 · answer #1 · answered by scooter 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough call. And why I don't date co-workers. But aside from that I can sympathize with your feelings. But this has more to do with where you are stationed. If you are in Iraq or Afghanistan together I would just forget it. War zones are no place for love. Anyplace else you might be able to get away with it. I would start with your chain of command and explain your situation to them. If you have a decent chain, you won't get any grief. Or talk to your Chaplain. I was on Diego Garcia. A young couple fell in love and they weren't afraid of who found out. The CO took them both in his office and told them that their relationship was inappropriate. They both told him that the military cannot tell them who they can or cannot fall in love with. It's ridiculous. The CO agreed. What else could he do really? The Navy seems to have the biggest problem with this. They stick men and women on a ship then send that ship to sea for months. What do you think happened? Yup! Pregnant women everywhere. Then the Navy sits around trying to figure out what went wrong. It's called "natural human emotions" and the military hasn't figured out that they cannot control that no matter how many retarded rules are passed.
I know I am being long winded here. A simple suggestion would be to take leave together, get married somewhere and be done with it.
2007-06-11 14:05:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure where you are, or what your ranks are? I was in a similar situation and I got pregnant and got out. I wouldn't advise that though. You didn't mention why you hate being in the military so much? I loved being in. I wanted to be a lifer, but things happen and it just wasn't meant to be. My husband and I have been together for over 13 years and have been married for 8. It can work, don't let anyone tell you any different. I have a couple of friends who met their husbands in the military and they have been going strong ever since. One of my friends has been married to a guy she met while we were in Korea, and they have been married for 15 years.
Best of Luck!
2007-06-11 14:55:23 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are both between a rock and a hard place.To get out, one of you would have to take a general discharge.
This is a discharge under honorable circumstances. It is not an honorable discharge. Do you want to carry this around for life??? Do you want to have one of you saying to the other "I did this for you?" While it sounds so romantic now, will it be the same in 5-10 years? Beleive me, it causes a lot of bitterness and resentment which would put a deep crack in your marraige.
You are finding out,life isn't fair. You're right! But you can't change it.
Your best bet:one of you does not re-enlist. Perhaps both of you shoud see the chaplain.
2007-06-11 13:37:21 · answer #4 · answered by Barry auh2o 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What are your ranks?
If you or he is an officer then you going to have to wait it out. get discharged then marry him.
But use the time to further cement your relationship the stronger it gets the better off you both will be in the end.
How ever are you ready for the possible separation if it happens? I mean as you said they can't guarantee that you'll say together?
Maybe he can get a good paying civilian job? then that could possibly solve your problems.
good luck
2007-06-11 13:55:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bitter? Who's bitter? I strongly suggest you get out at the end of your enlistment, if you don't get yourself kicked out with that attitude getting you into some serious trouble. Please don't let the door hit you in the backside on your way out! Odds are though, if you marry and your spouse stays in the military, you'll end up being an embarrassment for him or her and still cause trouble. Let go of your hate. Chalk it up to a bad experience and make the most of it.
2007-06-11 13:37:41 · answer #6 · answered by Knight Errant 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You never said why you "hate" working for the military. Why do you?
Seems to me you made a commitment to the military and should honor that. Isn't that what being in the military is all about - honor?
2007-06-11 13:36:15 · answer #7 · answered by QueenLori 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is hard to answer your question,because i do not know what country's military you belong to.you said it was illegal,so if you were in the u.s. military,that would mean that one of you were enlisted and the other an officer,as this is the only illegal form of dating and is called fraternization.the only way out of this would be for the officer to resign their commission,as an enlisted person has to serve out the term of their contract.
2007-06-11 13:39:07 · answer #8 · answered by twireone9 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you are violating UCMJ by committing fraternization, the senior of you two will be in a LOT of trouble when and I do mean WHEN you are caught.
finish out your three years, and dedcide who styas in or gets out.get out.
and there is no such thing as a happy ending that lasts forever.
2007-06-11 14:57:59 · answer #9 · answered by Mrsjvb 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋