I have told him over & over not to show himself to others. Ever since a boy exposed himself to my son last year, he has been doing this in the woods at the apt. playground. I keep checking on him through the window but now I won't let him in the woods anymore. He showed 3 boys & one boy touched him. My son just lost his best friend for asking him for sex & the mom blew up. The other boy was just as guilty touching my son, vise versa. My son doesn't even know what sex is. My son has ADHD, Impulsivity & defiant but can be the sweetest kid. His therapist told him not to do this. I've told him a million times. His dad it out of state & doesn't contact us in anyway. How else can I get him to understand? We have talks, & other adults too. Is this normal? I will now be outside w/ him when he plays. He is grounded all week, no swimming, staying in the house doing homework! Moms what do you think? Thanks u for listening. & it is all red & itches, what can I put on it. I am embarresed!
2007-06-11 12:48:28 · 26 answers · asked by pinky 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
get professional help
NOW
2007-06-11 12:52:43 · answer #1 · answered by Cher 6 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Get some help ASAP, and since he lost his best friend, and did all that nasty stuff, make him appogolize to his best freind, and hopefully they can be friends again. I know how fustrating it can be if you need to tell him over and over. A good spanking will hopefullly stop him from showing off. One good thing you did is not allowing him to go into the woods anymore. ADHD has nothing to do with this behavior though. Another thing you can make him do is have him stand in the corner for at least an hour if you catch him doing it again after spanking him. One of these days, he is going to do it to the wrong kid, and he may be having a talk with the police department, which will mean serious business.
You could also make him write a letter of an apogoly to his best friend, which may help being friends again,. but that may not work out the greatest.
See if you can ask him who exposed himself to your son, and ask that boy why he did it, and ask him why is is still doing it, and have a talk with that boy's parents if you are able to. That boy had no business doing that to your son. Tell the therapist (if you haven't aleady done so) how it started.
I really don't think this is normal behavior: however, boys that age do have the tendency of doing that to other boys.
Hopefully no one is touching him down there, because that can be very scary.
2007-06-12 05:48:51 · answer #2 · answered by Pauly W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHOA, Bessie!!!! Let's all take a deep breath here and take a step back, whew, relax. If some of the answers haven't scared the beejeebies out of you, then you are stronger than most. EVERYONE, let's not push her to hysterics. We need to simplify this some and get some perspective. There are some valid points in the answers so far, there are also some freakin' idiots among us. Take a lot of this with a grain of salt. I know you are looking for mothers' type help, I just wanted to give a father's advice, if you care. I am also a law enforcement officer, so I will try and input some professional advice also. If not, no worries, just throw it out the window.
First, for the time being your child cannot be alone. There are just too many unanswered questions.
Second, take him to the doctor and get that rash checked out.
Third, do your research online and find a psychologist that can help. The one you are currently going to doesn't appear to be helping, only you know though, trust your gut.
Fourth, check your state's Department of Corrections website and see if they provide information online about where released sexual offenders are currently residing. See if any live near you. I hate to say it, but, this might be the case, you really need to push your son GENTLY and find out more information about what has been happening to him, ask lots of questions, see if you can pinpoint something that has happened to him.
Search for local information in your phonebook, online, anything that can help you and your son. Support groups, online or otherwise, you must thoroughly exhaust the internets resources and your communities resources, until you get the results you are looking for. NEVER,EVER GIVE UP!!!
Don't be embarassed, most of us here are parents and we all go through things that we would have rather not gone through. If nothing else you have support here. This is part of parenting and you are not the only one to have ever dealt with this nor are you the only parent currently dealing with issues just like this. Stay focused, determined and take care of yourself to, don't forget. And above all else PRAY!!!!!!!! This will do more for you than anything, garonteed.
See if you can get him involved in the BIg Brothers thing. There MUST be some male involvement in this boys' life. Whether it's from a church friend or whatever, he must have a proper adult male role model along with your female role modeling. Obviously his dad would be best, but, since that is not going to happen you must look elsewhere.
Read books, do research online, talk to TRUSTED friends and family. Trust your gut, don't hesitate to act and don't worry, (yeah right, i know) Hope this helps
2007-06-12 01:15:12 · answer #3 · answered by seanh70 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I know that kids do expose their privates to each other, that's a fairly common thing. But usually it's just a short faze they go through and usually in a group setting where other kids are doing it also. My friend's son rides the bus home from school and the kids on the bus have been exposing themselves. However with your son it seems to have gone past a faze, he seems obsessed with it. It makes me wonder if maybe an older child or adult might have molested your son at some point. And I know you're embarrassed but you have to get the rash diagnosed by a Dr. There might be a slight chance he caught something from someone who touched him or something. Or it could be a yeast infection, children do sometimes get them on their privates. Whatever it is you need to let the Dr. diagnose and treat it. Since your pediatrician should be familiar with your son's history of ADHD, etc. then you can talk to him/her about this issue of your son exposing himself. The Dr. should have some ideas for you or should be able to refer you to a good child psychologist. I wish you the best of luck, this situation must be so distressing to you.
2007-06-11 19:42:29 · answer #4 · answered by nimo22 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The child should be seeing a Psychologist that deals with sexually abused/molested children. That is the person who will help you and the child the most. The child needs to be examined by a Physician. The Physician will recommend the appropriate treatment for the itch.
If you haven't yet, now is the time to discuss the no touch zones. The no touch zones are above the knee, chest and below. Tell the child this includes the back and front.
At this time, it is a good idea not to leave the child alone with any other child. Be cautious of any adult that you do not know well or trust and the same applies to adults.
You are doing the correct thing in not leaving your child unattended.
AD/HD children are at the least, challenging. Even though the child is frustrating you, remember just one consequence, and it must fit with whatever he has done. If possible take up running or walking and get him to join in with you. Keeping him in his room is going to add to the frustration level for both of you.
2007-06-11 14:56:15 · answer #5 · answered by kriend 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
If your son is only 8 and is talking about having sex this may have happened to him on more than one occasion. You should look into it and make sure he hasn't been touched by other boys. Did he admit to you that a boy showed him his privates? If so is there more to the story perhaps it didn't stop that and he needs some deeper therapy. He may be crying out. Many children who have been molested become sexually deviant and defiant in order to express some control in their lives. They feel that the control has been taken from them by their molestor so this is how they fight back. I would definitley look into this option because this is really not normal.
I hope and will pray that this is not the case, but you should check into this ASAP and the sooner you find out the truth the better.
2007-06-11 15:51:26 · answer #6 · answered by charmedonecml 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, he is a child. You said a boy exposed himself to your son last year, so that boy probably got the thought in your sons head that it is okay for him to do that too. Hes also experimenting, because they are children and that interests them. He'll grow out of it soon. You have to let boys be boys, although this situation is a little out of hand. I do not think it is your fault at all, what you are doing sounds great so far. I would continue having talks with him, telling him it is not okay. And yes, you should be outside with him when he plays. And him asking another boy for sex is not normal, because you said he doesn't know what that means, which is good...but he picked up that word from someone or something...so try to monitor what hes watching as much as possible, because T.V. could be a big part in him learning things he isn't supposed to yet.
And you should try going to the doctor about the rash. It may not be a rash, it could be something else. I would recommed putting a gental lotion on it right now.
Hope I helped :]
2007-06-11 14:21:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you need to get him some real help soon so he does not suffer with issues his whole life. I have 2 boys and have NEVER experienced anything like this before. My oldest one used to have his hand in his pants from the time he was big enough to walk til he started preschool but never showed it to anyone and never got red or itchy. That is NOT normal. I would be on the lookout for maybe older kids in the complex or even an adult perpetrator in your area. I would keep a very close eye on him meaning not letting him out of your sight for a second! Something is going on and it is up to you to take care of this right now mom for the sake of your child. Good Luck to you and your little guy!
2007-06-11 16:16:19 · answer #8 · answered by KELJO 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing by telling this kids mother (your friend) what her son did to your daughter. I am sure she did not lie about it and I am sure that he is scared to tell the truth and admit that he touched your daughter. In these situations it is always best to do what you feel is right, I do feel that he will learn a real lesson if you contact the police You don't have to charge your friends child with sexual assault etc but you could have an officer talk with this young man and explain to him what will happen if he ever does this again. Sometimes just getting the police to have a talk with them will make them realize how serious of an offence it is. Kids can be curious at these ages and it may be that this boy is curious about girls private parts etc and thought that your daughter may be willing to allow him to do what he did. Make the decision based on what you feel is best not only for your daughters sake but for other girls he may do this to in the future if he does not get that it is serious and not acceptable he could do it to someone else. Good luck to you and I hope everything works out ok. Also make sure you sit down with your daughter and tell her that she did the right thing by telling you and that you are very proud of her.
2016-05-17 21:46:27 · answer #9 · answered by shaun 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's red and it itches, I'd take him to a doctor to have it looked at. Is it heat rash? Is he allergic to a new clothes soap or something new he's using? As for the showing of himself...8 years old is old enough to understand, I'd be getting professional help to nip it in the bud because it's not acceptable and as a parent would be furious if I found out it was happening around my child. Good luck with this
2007-06-11 12:57:54 · answer #10 · answered by jamibrothers 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say this but it sounds like he's been sexually abused by someone. You really need to have his therapist address this issue... I'm surprised he hasn't already! Get him some REAL help before it's to late. Consider changing his therapist and take him to a medical doctor as well for the rash. This could simply be poison ivy or heat rash or possibly him experimenting with playing with himself but it could also be someone doing something to his penis that is making it red! Good luck and I'm sorry you both are going through this...
2007-06-11 14:57:23 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋