I have a problem, with my 9 year old and im not sure what to do.?

Question

She is only 9 and she gets in fights and lies and dosent want to listen to anything anyone says to her, and im kinda not sure where to turn im a single father , is there a tatic that i can use is there something i can do i cant afford to hire a counselor

Answer 1

Have a talk with her to determine if there are any other issues that are upsetting her and making her act out. If she has always been this way and only getting worse, it is time to have a heart to heart and let her know why fighting and telling lies are the wrong things to do. Ask her why she feels she has to fight to solve her problems with others. Let her know how lies destroy lives and relationships. Give her examples of how to solve her issues without fighting.

Make sure she knows there will be consequences for her actions. Restrict her and take away privileges. If that does not work, a good spanking may be in order. I am not suggesting you beat your daughter. A few swats to the backside are a teaching tool that works wonders for some children! Teach her out of love and you will never go wrong. Take the time to listen to her when you get off work and see how her day went . However, be firm when she crosses the line and make sure she pays the consequences of her actions. Remember, you are her father first and must balance love for your daughter with discipline. Reward her every once in a while for good behavior with a movie or a trip to a baseball game. Realize that the so called "experts" do not have all the answers or even the right answers some times. Follow your heart and gut instincts as a parent. You are the one who should make the final call because you are the one who knows your child better than anyone! Make sure she knows how much you love her every day! God bless you and your little daughter!

Answer 2

I'm an 18 year-old with a younger sister (she's 15) and we've been raised by our father. I know she's not as young as your daughter, but I can attest to this:

My sister tells me waaaaaaaaay more than she tells my dad. I'm not a father, but I can almost guarantee that she'll never tell you everything. This doesn't excuse lying by any means, but don't feel so bad. She's at an age where puberty is starting up and with it comes those hormones that cause so many of us to do unexplainable things.

I'm going to second the above answer. Like my sister, your daughter is probably yearning for some kind of other female figure, whether it be an aunt, close adult friend, or someone from the Big Sister program. Having another girl to relate to would probably do wonders.

Answer 3

Firstly, I commend you for being a single father. Obviously not an easy situation for either you or your daughter and that you are seeking help, speaks volumes about your feelings towards her.

As much as possible, through all the frustrations and challenges, listen to your daughter. Allow to express her own frustrations, anger and confusion and try not to judge her by her actions. She is nine years old, she is at a time in her life when she is learning about life, herself, the world around her and growing up can be difficult enough, perhaps not having what society perceives as a "normal" household, makes her feel isolated more so than her school friends and classmates.

Take a deep breath, one day at a time for you and your daughter.

Answer 4

First, she does not "need her butt whopped", as one of the other answerers (who can't even spell the word) suggested.

She needs consistent consequences for her behavior, both good and bad, but they should not be physical - hitting (or any manner of causing pain in an attempt to teach) does not teach anything other than motivating the child to avoid getting hit by behaving well when there's a chance she could get caught.

I say "consistent consequences" because she needs to know that violating your rules will ALWAYS result in a consequence, not empty threats from a parent who is only concerned with not upsetting his child.

The consequences need not be harsh in most cases, and they should conform to the 3-R's, if at all possible. They should be:

- Reasonable
- Respectful
- Related

Yes, it takes more time to be creative with consequences, but the long-term results are well worth the extra effort - when you teach a child the REASONS for behaving, and get them to embrace them, they are much further along than kids who only behave to avoid being hit.

Please don't listen to those short-patienced people who hit their children to achieve the desired behavior, and then cite that "I turned out fine" -- perhaps they did, but the prisons are FULL of people who suffered the same abusive parenting and didn't turn out fine.

Answer 5

A single father? WOW.. Props 2 you for being a great dad and noticing these types of things. Many single dads have know idea what they are doing and let there kids get out of control. Call your local Dept of children and families and ask if they know of a free counseling serive or boot camp depending on how bad she really is. Usually they will help you because they dont wanna deal with it later. There should be many places for things like this. If not, you can always call maury. Good luck and I hope she realizes she has a great dad

Answer 6

Good for you for wanting to take care of this problem. I have a 9 year old girl and she tests me with her lying as well. I think part of it is an age/hormonal thing...as scary as that is. Maybe get her involved in a program designed to empower girls, like Girls, Inc., GirlScouts, Big Sisters, etc. There is also a website called www.empowergirls.com that might have some tips on there for you. Also, as for the counseling, if you visit this website, you can find counseling services in your area (they are through the government so cost is probably low, if anything) http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/databases/
Good luck-- and know I'm right there with you!

Answer 7

a million. end crying. you are the "person". temper tantrums are for infants. Remind your self that he's largely a baby, and in spite of he says would not remember because of fact he's in basic terms performing out. 2. Settle the 9 twelve months previous with the action picture of her decision. 3. stay calm yet eliminate all privileges out of your 7 yo brother. turn off the television's, desktops, radios, video games, and so on., then take a seat returned and wait. permit him cry, scream, pound on issues, in spite of. yet, you do no longer could hear to it. you may deliver him to his room, or eliminate your self and your sister to a various room mutually as he throws his greater healthful, yet do no longer grant him with an aim industry. 4. attempt turning off a great number of the lighting fixtures in the domicile. Darkness promotes sleepiness and a calmer innovations-set. 5. tell him gently that when he's thru together with his temper tantrum, he's to make an apology to you, and then he could have some privileges returned. 6. If he refuses, deliver him to mattress, even whether it extremely is 9 o'clock in the morning. If he's that grouchy, he for sure desires a sleep. it is the suitable way that my seven twelve months previous acts while SHE desires a sleep. 7. keep in mind, if the crying and screaming is attending to you, it extremely is precise which you will in basic terms pass away the room for slightly. Take a injury. relax, and take some deep breaths. permit him have a while to get it out of his equipment, and regain your calm. do no longer cry. It provides him administration over you. he's pulling your strings. you are the person, and he's the youngster. you're meant to be in cost. And, be happy to furnish your 9 yo sister a take care of, and pointedly commentary on your 7yo brother that when he's thru together with his tantrum, and he's apologized, he could have his, too. playstation : do no longer fall for the BS relating to the way you "continuously" try this and "in no way" try this. he's in basic terms pulling your strings. Make it sparkling that if he minds you, then you extremely will enable him privileges, and if he would not, you will no longer. And a similar applies to his sister. it is not your fault if he would not innovations and his sister does. And, end apologizing. HE needs to make an apology to YOU. And, wait till he's calmer to chat to him. as long as he's hysterical, no longer something which you're saying will help.

Answer 8

Check out the book "Assertive Discipline" by Lee Canter and Marilyn (his wife)... It's a great resource for establishing rules, consequences and boundries...

Answer 9

I dont know exactly about the situation but maybe a bit of old-school tensioning like no tv, no phone, no fast foods, no friends, etc. They will learn the hard way.

Answer 10

Sign her up for Big Sisters. Just having an older girl to relate to may help her.