I know of a person who is cheating on his wife, what would you do?

Question

This person is married to a woman, whom I have never met. He has two children, a 19 year old daughter who is in college, and a 15 year old son.

This person separated from his wife for two years, and is now with her again supposedly for the children, and will end the relationship when the youngest is 18...or so he says. When he was separated from his wife, he spent every other weekend with her and the children in the home that he provided for the family.

The extramarital affair is a homosexual relationship of nearly five years...his homosexual partner is aware of the situation, and puts up with it, because, "he loves him".

This person is a Rush Limbaugh loving Republican, and is actively involved in the local Baptist church.

He makes time for the other person in his life by saying he is working late, or taking business trips. He separates his life, by having his family live in a far out suburb, and the other person in the city.

What would you do, if anything?

I do not know what, if anything, that the wife is aware of.

the other person is not me..

Until I knew his story, this person was a friend.

I am concerned mainly for his wife.

Rush Limbaugh and Baptist are relevant to me because...not only is this person scum for cheating on his partner...he is also scum for being such a hypocrite.

Answer 1

Ann Landers said it best: MYOB, The chances are the wife knows about it, it is up to them to make an arrangement they can live with. From the sound of it, he has moved back in to help support the children, I doubt that he and the wife have a relationship apart from that, but he has a responsibility to her and the kids and is trying to live up to it as best he can. Making excuses for being out of town allows his wife to save face in front of the neighbors. I notice that some are telling you to out him in front of the congregation, if you did that, you would cause immeasurable harm to the wife and children in front of the congregation, would the personal satisfaction you might get out of outing someone you consider a scumbag be worth what it would do to 3 other people?

Answer 2

I personally think he should let his wife know. Experts say that it is unfair to stay together for the children. This ends up causing the children to have problems in their own life as they get older. I was raised in a home of infidelity, and I agree with this very much so.

Also, It is unfair for both partners in marriage to continue on in a relationship where infidelity is concerned. Her heart and his, and his lovers is on the line. This could end up being one big mess. If he wants to do something for his children, he will leave and resolve custody issues with his wife. Staying around and continuing this affair is the absolute worst approach he could take.

You should talk with him about some of the things listed above. He may just feel really confused... Sometimes, people just need the right advice to make the best decision for everyone involved.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

Nothing he's done strikes me as particularly sinful, and I was ready to advise leaving the whole thing alone - UNTIL I got to the Republican Baptist part.

This guy's crime is hypocrisy. If he can do this while supporting two schools of thought that would find his actions morally reprehensible then he's either getting a kick from the danger - like Haggard - or has no moral scruples.

I'd be happy to see him busted, but I still don't think it's right to bust him. Perhaps the most poetic thing you could do is blackmail him.

And donate the money to Gay Rights and the Democrats.

CD

Answer 4

If he's been with the guy for 5 years, it means at least 3 years before the separation. The guy cheated in his marriage, which probably lead to the effective dissolution of marriage. The kids are pretty much grown up here and if he's trying to re-establish contact and come back to his wife, she should know.
Tell the wife everything. You can put it in a letter or a phone call or even in a meeting. If she knows it already, no harm done. But what if she doesn't? If your partner was cheating and all his/her friends knew, I bet you would want to know. She deserves to know what she's dealing with.

Answer 5

¬There is really nothing you can do. If you are no longer friends with this man, and you do not know his wife then its not really you business. It sounds like the situation is under control. Chances are the wife has realized that her husband is gay. This may be the reason they got back together. People can't help how they feel.

And how are Rush Limbaugh and the Baptist Church relevant?

Answer 6

Depends. I would probably do nothing. When you get involved in people's personal relationships, you usually end up with both turning on you. What one person's relationship with another person is really his own business.

If you do wish to do something, do it privately. The worst thing you can do is expose him in front of friends and family. But try not to get preachy. Just let him know that you don't think it is a good idea and leave it at that. Ultimately, it is his relationship to make or break.

And it really doesn't matter that it is homosexual or hetero. It is still something that the person has to work out for himself. The best you can do is be there for him if he needs advice. Otherwise, let him to his own life.

Answer 7

I would feel obligated to tell her. I am not sure if a letter or call would be appropriate, but I would give her the heads up. Her husband is putting her at risk for disease even death by having sex with another partner. It would bother me enough that I think I would have to do something. I'd MIND their buisness. She would appreciate that more than finding out a worse way. Like maybe a positive HIV test. If it was me, I'd wanna know even if it came from a stranger.

Answer 8

First, it's irrelevant if the affair is with a woman or another man. Totally irrelevant!

Next, it's also none of your business. The only way i would get involved if it was my sister and I knew for a fact this was going on....not me just putting 2 and 2 together.

If you want to do something, why not approach the man and tell him what you suspect is going on. Try to offer help.

Answer 9

That is a very hard question. I'm not sure what his political or spiritual beliefs have to do with this.

I'm not sure I would do anything about it. It is going to hurt like a mother regardless of what happens. Talk to him about your comfort level in this. But I doubt he's not going to be gay. If he's not ready to leave the wife for the kids, then nothing really is going to happen.

Answer 10

I'm with Gazoo on this one. I'd leave well enough alone, the wife is surely aware of the situation if they're indeed just together for the kids. Stirring it up will only create hard feelings & make a sad situation worse.