My husband and I got married two years ago at a private ceremony and this year we saved up money to have a larger ceremony and reception for both family and friends. However, my mother-in-law decided not to tell all the out-of-town relatives that I have never meet that we were ever married before. So now half of the people at the wedding know we are married and half do not know. How to I control this situation so that nothing awkward happens? So now instead of renewing our vows my mother-in-law wants us procede like we are just getting married the first time. It's a weird situation. Any ideas?
2007-06-11 09:48:47 · 17 answers · asked by Selina Kyle 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Wow, why so harsh Lydia?
We are doing this because we were too poor to have an actual wedding the first time -we got married at the Justice of the Peace. Is it so wrong to want to enjoy the happy times from seeing all our friends and family at a larger ceremony?
2007-06-11 10:13:29 · update #1
It is perfectly fine to do what you are doing.
However, if you are truly bothered by and worried about how this will unfold, you need to remedy the situation before the ceremony.
You need to talk with your husband about his mother, plain and simple. If she took it upon herself to do this, then it is her responsiblity to fix it with those relatives and friends. He needs to talk to her privately and express his concerns that there may be some confusion. He needs to ask her to please tell everyone the truth. He might also ask her why she kept your marriage from them in the first place and why she felt it necessary to tell her friends and relatives a bold faced lie about it.
That makes me very curious!
Anyway, if she won't budge, let what happens, happen. If anyone expresses their confusion to you or your husband or your family, I wouldn't hesitate to say, "I have no idea why she told you that; we've been married for 2 yrs"!
Don't worry about her: have fun!
2007-06-11 15:01:53 · answer #1 · answered by valschmal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Proceed with your renewal of vows. It's not your place to cover up your mother-in-law's poor communication skills. If the relatives ask you, look mildly confused and tell them, no, you're not getting married because you're already married. Then smile broadly and change the subject to something like how nice the weather turned out to be or how good cousin Joe is looking after his operation.
A cover up will never work since at least half the guests are aware that this is a vow renewal and not a wedding. Don't be dragged into it and don't raise a fuss about your mother-in-law's odd need for this to be the wedding. In the end, you'll look good, and half the guests who were misled by your mother-in-law will assume it was a genuine miscommunication, thus preventing most of the potential for disaster in this scenario.
2007-06-11 09:58:14 · answer #2 · answered by gileswench 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
when you send out the invitations make sure the wording is appropriate for a vow re-newal. Something such as "we invite you to witness the renewal of the vow of love between..."
No one will have the guts to call you and ask why they were not told of the wedding they will call your mother in law and then she will have to explain her actions to them. This is her problem so let her deal with it. Just sit back and enjoy the show. It would have been a whole different can of beans if you 2 had tried to hide the wedding from everyone. Since you didn't and she did then let her take the heat.
Remember that this is YOUR wedding NOT your mother in laws. She is trying to get you to act like this is when you got married to cover up HER mistake. That is not your problem!!
The wording on the invitation should take care of eveything. Enjoy your day!!
2007-06-11 10:04:26 · answer #3 · answered by hotelmajor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is your wedding so do what you are comfortable with. If you want a vow renewal ceremony then put that on the invitations. If you MIL says anything about not having told the relatives then just tell her to tell them that she wasnt sure if you wanted everyone to know or not as she wasnt sure if you were going to do a vow renewal or a regular wedding ceremony. That explanation is simple enough and that way no one looks foolish. Congrats on your marriage and the ceremony.
2007-06-11 10:02:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mil is weird. Seriously it is going to come up and people are going to be mad.
It is a renewal of vows. Put on your invites that it is. It has to be said during the wedding. I mean the preacher/priest will be saying completely different words. Key phrase he isn't going to be pronouncing you man and wife.
You can't just lie to guests like that. You can't control this situation. It is going to be awkward. It comes up when you least expect it. Especially when its 50% of the guests.
Tell your mil NO. You refuse to lie to your guests; you refuse to have the minister change the ceremony (which legally I dont even think he could do). It is a weird situation but this is the first of many times you have to explain to your MIL (who seems rather strange) that the renewal will proceed the same way your marriage does--with love, trust and honesty.
2007-06-11 09:56:47 · answer #5 · answered by phantom_of_valkyrie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not let her tell them you have not been married just have the invitations say that on this day you will be rejoicing with the renewal of vows and wanted everyone to share in the celebration because so many could not on our first wedding 2 years ago. Be truthful with everyone don't make people think your pulling something just to get gifts.
2007-06-11 09:55:43 · answer #6 · answered by Carol 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
do not purposely deceive these people. it was your job in the first place to make sure that everyone knew that you were married. are you sending out invitations? simply state that this will be a vow renewal and not an actual wedding.
2007-06-11 09:55:35 · answer #7 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's YOUR wedding, do what you want. Is your husband a momma's boy? I'm still wondering why these other people didnt know you were married. Didnt you send them a notice when you actually got married? Anyways, dont let your in law push you around! Do what you want. Weird situation though.
2007-06-11 09:53:47 · answer #8 · answered by get dent 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Insist that all guests be informed that this is a vow renewal and not a wedding. The last thing you want is to offend people who think they're witnessing your wedding!
2007-06-11 09:53:20 · answer #9 · answered by LB 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It should be a wedding renewal ceremony. Proceed as planned and do not "pretend" to do a fist wedding, just to cover up for your MIL, It would be deceitful and people will wisper.
Let your MIL do the explaining to her side of the family, she was the one that messed things up.
Good luck
2007-06-11 09:53:38 · answer #10 · answered by Blunt 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋