I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and have wanted to get married for a really long time. After a lot of pestering he finally proposed to me in February and gave me my ring last week. I then discussed with him the possibility of setting a date for 2009 which seems agreeable and realistic but he doesn't seem keen and asks me what the big hurry is. I really do love him but is it really fair to make me wait longer. Does he really have true intentions with me? What do you think?
2007-06-11 08:52:16 · 38 answers · asked by Pearl 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Thanks guys for your answers, a lot of you are asking how old we are: I am 31 and he is 32.
2007-06-11 09:16:12 · update #1
you need to talk it though together.. or it will turn into a bigger issue than it needs to be.
good luck
2007-06-11 09:01:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
2009 is not coming anytime soon just yet. Its not even 2008 yet. You will need to sit down and talk with him and ask him then what year does he want to get married. 2009 is 2 years away maybe for some reason he thought you meant 2008. If you really love him and you feel that he loves you then wait until 2008 comes around and tell him that you guys need to set a date because you have been engaged long enough. You guys have been together for qutie sometime. Some guys just get really scared when you start planning the wedding but onces the date is set and everything they wont be so scared. Just talk to him about it. Ask him why 2 years from now is to fast? And see what he says.
2007-06-11 09:05:04 · answer #2 · answered by TJ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 5 years and he proposed a few months ago and thinks a wedding date in 2009 is a hurry! He might not know what he wants and could have gotten you the ring to stop asking him. A good wedding only takes a year to plan so a 2 year date isn't really hurrying. Good luck.
2007-06-11 08:58:55 · answer #3 · answered by blackbelt69101 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if he is feeling pressured for some reason. After five years I would think he should be sure by now. Why don't you try asking him if he really wants to get married or just wants things to go along as they are.
I do not think it is fair to make you wait longer. I don't believe that 2009 is being in a big hurry.
Good luck to you whatever you decide to do.
2007-06-11 19:20:01 · answer #4 · answered by Patti C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are you.. that's important. if you have been with him since you were 17 for 5 years, then there is no rush (although I am only 22 and already happily married). But this all seems a little flaky to me. Why does he feel the need to wait so long but he's already proposed to you. Atleast set a date and start saving up if financial reasons are the cause for his hesitating. You need to sit and talk with him.. seriously find out what his problem is.
2007-06-11 08:57:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you pushed him untill he proposed and he did it to make you happy. But if you are considering 2009 and he thinks thats too soon then he is not ready. You shouldnt have pushed him, now you dont know what he really wants. If you had waited untill he was ready you would know he was ready.
But I'm not going to dwell on what you should have done, I dont think there is much of a future here. Are you still in school? If he wants to wait untill you graduate that is reasonable. Why does he want to wait? No reason? Then hes not ready.
And saying "its not fair to you" is a sign you might be not ready for this as well. Its not about you once you get married, its about "us". You need to think about him too.
Good luck!
2007-06-11 09:03:00 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It certainly sounds like he doesn't want to get married.
But on the other hand, is it entirely neessary?
Relationships can be entirely satisfactory, stable and long term, without the need for a civil or church ceremony, and there's no reason to assume he isn't serious because he doesn't want to marry. (note I said "doesn't want to marry", not "doesn't want to marry YOU")
There is no real reason to do it in order to FORCE the relationship to continue.
If you love each other then you'll stay together anyway, and the need to marry is largely a question of custom.
Neither is it necessary for the sake of the children these days.
I'm not suggesting either that marriage is a bad thing if you want to do it, but don't assume its all over if you don't set a date.
You should certainly talk. You will need to do that as long as you're together.
But don't restrict your options before you start talking.
2007-06-11 09:24:51 · answer #7 · answered by Zippo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure that you guys are meant to be together? At your ages there is no reason why you shouldn't already BE married. It sounds to me like he isn't into the whole marriage family thing and it's what you really want. The big hurry here is that you aren't getting any younger and if you want kids it should happen sooner rather than later to avoid the complications that arise from kids being born later in life.
2007-06-11 09:19:59 · answer #8 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he's scared of a life long commitment. Although I think 2009 is plenty of time to adjust to that. If he doesn't want to commit then maybe thats a sign that there is never going to be a future for the two of you. You should sit down and discuss this, maybe it's time to move on. A girl can only hold on for so long.
Good luck!
2007-06-11 08:56:52 · answer #9 · answered by Brandy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you should follow your dreams of wanting to have your dream wedding. As an idea, take a break from the relationship to decide what is more important.
So not pester your partner, just make a mature decision .
Maybe you could end the situation and move on to find someone who wants the same as you. xx hugs xx
2007-06-11 09:16:11 · answer #10 · answered by emi_lou05 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well I think 2009 is already a long time for you to wait but maybe he has got reasons for his decision and i would also say you really should sit and talk and tell him how you feel. but let me tell you something he has taken a step forward and this is something that some guys are frightened of ( the first step) if you really love him maybe you want to give him some time. good luck and wish you all the bests for future.
2007-06-11 09:05:30 · answer #11 · answered by venus_farahani 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋