Friends with Benefits, now he has a new g/f?

Question

What happens to our relationship cause he lives with me; we share a room n sleep in the same bed. I do his laundry, I cook for him, I play maid for him, I do everything I can for him. I never considered us to be just friends w/ benefits cause we had discussed how we couldnt date b/c of my father. If my father finds out, my 'friend' i guess i have to call him, wont have a place to live anymore. I love him I really do. Im 21, he's the first male I've had sex w/ (i loved him before we had sex cause otherwise i wouldnt have). And he had a g/f before when we've been 'together' but he never did anything sexual w/ her; they only kissed. But I kicked him out the house before when he brought her home to my house. They broke up N he moved back in, its been 2 months that he's been back w/ me, n now there's a new g/f? Do I kick him out again? What should I do? Tech he's not cheating on me and i have no right to get mad cause we are not dating. But it still hurts

Answer 1

You're right. He's not cheating on you because you never established exclusivity. For your sanity though, you need to cut off all of the sex and maid services. Give him a month to find a new place, and tell him he can't sleep in your bed anymore. This relationship is crazy.

Answer 2

That is a really confusing situation...Listen, if you two are living together, you are taking care of him (w. house things and sexually), and you have deep feelings for him you are definitely not just friends with benefits (at least on your side, not on his). Men will only go as far as you let them, so you have been letting him take advantage of u...I don't exactly know if this is what YOU want, but it's a really comfortable situation for him. If you can not date him, why do u maintain this relationship the way it is? Where is it going to take u? It sounds like you're only gonna end up hurting yourself!!! He is not a guy you want to be if he sleeps with you while having a gf, and I'm sure he did more with her than what you think. Why do you kick him out if he has a gf? If you let him have this type of a relationship with u, where he doesn't have to answer to you or owe anything to you, then you should accept everything that comes along with it. However, I do not think that you don't want to be his girlfriend...I think u do very much, and everything that u do for him, up to allowing him to live with you, in fact shows that that is exactly what you want. Why do you let him treat you like that? Either become boyfriend and girlfriend or go your separate way, otherwise you are just wasting your time! Why do you put all this effort into it? Talk to him and see if he wants to be bf & gf, if not, kick him out for the last time and find a man you can be with!

Answer 3

Call it what you want, but you're living with a man, sleeping in the same bed with him, having sex with him, and playing the role of wife, much less girlfriend!! You are definately in a relationship with this guy...the fact that the two of you have labeled it "Friends with Benefits" gives him an easy way out. Do you have to sit around and watch him be affectionate with another girl? Hell no!! What are you going to do if he trys to bring her home...have her sleep with the two of you...I think not!!!! I know you care about him...and it's up to you whether or not you think you can be just friends with him...I know I couldn't!! You don't have to have a big blow up fight, but you do need to tell him that whether or not it was planned, the two of you definately have a "relationship" and your current living arrangement is not going to work with him having a girl friend....and then the two of you need to make a decision at that point as to how you're going to handle the situation!

It's really up to you...you have some options!
Ask him to sleep on the couch until he finds a place, but give him a dealine...(like a month-tops).

Ask him to respect you by not bringing her to your house!

This guy is really bold...I can't honestly believe he has no idea you're in love with him!!! Honestly, hun, I don't think he's the best guy for you!!

Answer 4

I understand. The both of you just jumped into sex without setting any ground rules and now, your feelings are caught up. Girl, it is what is it is. You continue your relationship with him b/c the g/f is temporary. He's going to fall flat on his face a many of times and you be there to pick him up. On one day you pick him up, he will realize that you're the only one. I will tell you, once he makes that decision, the two of you will have the best relationship on this planet.

Just be there for a moment and time will tell. Whatever you do, don't be with anyone else. He will cherish that fact that he's the only one and you are untouched.

Answer 5

You have every right to be mad. I've been in the same situation. What would he say if you brought a guy home? I bet you he would be extremely jealous and try to make the moves on you and act like you were dating. Happened to me, I let it happened, I got hurt. Men like that should be thrown in the firey pits of hell. Kick his behind out of your house as soon as possible. I know you say you love him but I loved the guy who did this to me and it just made it harder to move on. Everyone's first love is the hardest to get over, but you eventually do get over it. Just remind yourself of how much he is using (yes it sounds like he is using you) you and how insecure he is if he has to have you as a back up like this. I hope things end up great for you and you are able to move on.

Answer 6

it seems u are mad into this guy where as he is having the best of both world...someone to play maid etc and someone to go out and have fun with...it sounds harsh but u are a back up for him. he knows that if things dont work out with someone he will have somewhere to live (and all the ''benefits'')i think you would be best to ask him to move out..stay friends if you can but its gonna keep hurting you more if continues the way it is

Answer 7

Living together, having sex, but not dating? That's wierd. You need to have a long thinking session about what you are doing. What does his new g/f think about this situation?

Tell him you want to meet her and then make sure she knows what the situation is. I wonder how long his relationship would last if she knew the truth.

If you don't get rid of this loser, it your fault only. Don't come crying to us when you figure out you've been used all this time.

Answer 8

You shouldn't be living with any guy when you are 21. You're young, you should be free. Living with a guy is just a bad idea in general because of these kinds of things.

He obviously does not believe you two have a serious relationship, because he's out with other girls. Dump him, get him out of your place, and cut him off forever. He's lucky to have had a chance to be faithful already, and he blew that. Don't be a sucker!

Answer 9

You need to talk with him and explain how you are feeling. Then you need to kick his sorry butt out. He has been using you for all the things a girlfriend would do and then goes out and finds one. He is a useless example of a man. Go out and get yourself a man who is going to treat you like you should be treated not like a maid/cook/piece

Answer 10

It's pretty obvious that this was a real relationship for you and just really fun for him. Why wouldn't he want to take advantage of his situation with you? Have you ever heard the phrase, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" I would think your situation is a great example of that. If he's got a girlfriend, he's clearly chosen to pursue a relationship with someone else. He needs to leave and you need to learn as much as you can from this. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with him. Sorry, but it looks like you've had your first heartbreak. Good luck.