So I have been seeing this guy. Really he is a great guy. We have only been seeing each other for about 3 weeks. There are alot of things I am not attracted to. For one, he is 27, has a job (trades men) but doesnt own a home or even live on his own. He's not financially stable and it seems like he has no goals or career aspirations. Whereas I am 23, very successful in my career, bought my own house, live alone, financially secure and I have a five year plan and huge career aspirations. I am cute and stylish and love the finer things in life. He dresses bad and doesnt have appreciation for designer clothing, fine dining etc.
I know we have only been seeing each other for a few weeks, but it bothers me... should I cut my losses now, or see where this can go. I'm just afraid I will get to attached and it will hold me back from my goals. I am at a loss here... Also, if I end this, how do I do it? He is good friends with my best friends family.
2007-06-11 07:29:24 · 18 answers · asked by kkml 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thanks for your advice! FYI i'm not shallow, I have worked hard to get where I am
2007-06-11 07:45:07 · update #1
If he is really a great guy ( in your eyes) why would you only list negative attributes? I think you want to get out of this relationship but just needed to hear it from someone. Good luck with your life and let no man stop you from achieving your goals.
2007-06-11 07:33:46 · answer #1 · answered by caddotrouble05 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sweetheart, what this comes down to isn't material things like it seems like you're worried about... you have a really good head on your shoulders, and i think you know it! you've got the right idea here, and your concerns are legitimate.
having no goals or aspirations, or being financially unstable at his age may belie a bigger problem... it could be a simple matter of laziness, or it could be something much worse, like drugs or drinking or some other sort of addiction that keeps him from moving out into the world.
it seems like his priorities are much different than yours... and down the road, entering a serious relationship, getting married, joining finances, having children... these are the big things in life that could drive a big rift between the two of you if you don't agree on them.
i'd say that if you aren't terribly emotionally invested (and it seems like there's at least a LITTLE doubt... if you really cared that much, you wouldn't be asking us what we thought!!), then cut your losses and move on. maybe he will get the picture and start making life better for himself, but that is the type of change you can only inspire, not control. perhaps one day down the road the two of you will reconnect and he will be successful and responsible in his own right... and then you can give things another shot!
good luck :)
2007-06-11 14:38:34 · answer #2 · answered by tracii 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You answered your own question, I think. If you've only been seeing the guy for 3 weeks, then there shouldn't be any serious attachment...let him go. If he's 27 and has no ambition, he's not likely to change. You, on the other hand, sound like you could find someone way better. Don't settle for less than what you deserve. Good Luck!
2007-06-11 14:36:09 · answer #3 · answered by semtm8407 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would leave this guy alone and run. You are at a good point in your life and have good dreams that you should follow and don't let any man ever hold you back. He is not stable and will only bring you down with him.
2007-06-11 14:37:24 · answer #4 · answered by heathermichelle9 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just take a chance! Have you ever considered that he may not appriciate all the things you do because he has never had them? You can totally inspire him to do something with his life. This maybe your chance to change someones future and maybe even help mold them into someone better.
Good luck, and don't be afraid to take a chance in life!
2007-06-11 14:35:25 · answer #5 · answered by Carla P 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You sound completely shallow and superficial. If this is really a "great guy", then please leave him for some woman who will actually appreciate him, not condemn him to a relationship with a woman who is only interested in him as a success object.
2007-06-11 14:38:06 · answer #6 · answered by terry m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice is to talk with him. Tell him how you feel about this. You need to think for yourself. You don't want to ruin your plans for a guy that you may not even be with for over a year. Figure out if he is serious about this relationship or not. I wish I could help more.
2007-06-11 14:37:31 · answer #7 · answered by Ashley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are settling and girl you don't need to do that. You are successful, you don't need no scrub. You need to be with a person that can relate and be on your page. I know you love him and all, but at what price are you going to be paying down the road? You need to make a choice, choose wisely.
2007-06-11 14:35:44 · answer #8 · answered by ashley m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
congrats on ur five year plan etc but maybe this guy is happy with his life and the way he is choosing to live it..not everyone is into the material things in life...if you cant see past that i would break up- for his sake moreso!
2007-06-11 14:35:45 · answer #9 · answered by emalouise 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well dont let him hold u back, my sister made that mistake, she has regreted it ever since. Just tell him, you think it's best if you guys broke up, it's not him, it's you. And i know how u feel about him being close friends w/ ur close friend, but u have 2 think about urself, not him, what is best for you?
GoOdLuCk!!!!
2007-06-11 14:37:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋