My Son Hates Daycare?

Question

My son is about to be 3, he has been at the same daycare since he was 8 months old. He has moved up classes so it isnt like it is the same teachers. My questions is... is there any way to make it better for him? every morning when i drop him off he gets so upset. it breaks my heart. all i can think is shouldnt he be over it by now.

Answer 1

He's at the age where he just wants to cling to mommy. Even though you hate to leave him like that, you gotta do what you gotta do. And he'll understand eventually.

I suggest (learned this when worked at daycare) you prepare him at night to go in the morning. When you take out his clothes and fix his lunch, explain to him that he is going to daycare tomorrow. Let him help you pick out his clothes and make his lunch. This way he'll be in a better mood as well.

Hope this helped ya some!

Answer 2

My son is four and has been in daycare his whole life at this daycare since he was 18 months old and still some days he is really upset to go. First, I would make sure that everything is on the up and up at the daycare and that he is being treated well. We always want to make sure. Second, I would make sure he knows in advance what is coming. Even though you think we do this every day he has to know where we are going it is good at his age of three to remind him. Also find out from your provider how he reacts after you are gone. Sometimes I would take my son and he would cry as I was leaving and I would cry in the car all the way to work but when I talked with his teachers they would tell me he stopped crying as soon as I was out of sight (those darn smart kids who know how to pull on the heart strings!!! :) ...). Also give him as much attention as you can when you pick him up and let him know how much you love him. Good luck!

Answer 3

I am mom to 4 children, the oldest 2 attended daycare. I am also a licensed home child care provider. It is not unusual for children to have a hard time at daycare when they are dropped off. Of importance, though, is how well and how quickly does your son settle in once you are gone? Additionally, how does he seem when you pick him up? Is he happy and playing? Does he not want to leave? Is he clingy and whiny when you get home? If the only problem he has is when he is dropped off then I wouldn't be too concerned. Something that generally helps and what I encourage my families to do is develop a consistent drop-off routine. I see the most success with giving a hug and a kiss, saying "I love you" and "I will see you after work". Then leave. If the child cries, I have better results consoling and getting a child interested in something else if the parent is not hovering and fretting with the child. In only rare instances does crying when mom or dad leave last more than a minute or 2. Sometimes a small picture of mom and dad left at daycare helps some children through a sad time. Another cute thing that works for some is a tissue with mom's "kiss" on it tucked inside a pocket or back pack (put on lipstick, kiss the tissue, and fold it). If the child needs to, he/she can pull it out, look at the kiss, and remember that mom/dad love him and will be back soon. Many children go through several periods of separation anxiety. As they get older, some children are exceptionally sensitive to any type of change either at home or at the daycare setting. Set aside a specific time, in the car going home, at the dinner table, during bath-time, at bed-time each day to find out what was fun in his day, what he liked, what he didn't like, what he did, who he played with, etc. Even as he gets older, ask specific questions and not just "how was your day?". You'll likely just get "fine" and that's the end of that conversation. Moms and dads do considerably worse with a sad child at drop-off time than the child usually does. My suggestion is talk with the teachers/director/care-giver at your son's daycare to be sure he is not having problems during the day as well. If he is not, then talk up-beat about his daycare, the people and friends he'll see there, the toys he'll play with, etc. on your way to daycare (although some kids prefer not to talk about it). Develop your own good-bye ritual then leave and let the daycare personnel help him settle down and get into routine. If your child's behvior changes considerably at home, if he is waiting by the door when you come for him every day, or if your "mom's intuition" tells you something is amiss, than by all means, make unannounced visits at the daycare, call during the day to check on him, and pay attention at home to see if anything has changed (illness of a family member, a parent being gone for a trip, a new sibling, a new bed, etc.) that may cause some confusion or fear for him.

Answer 4

Hi Sarah,
You and I have the same issue. My son is now 6, has been attending the same school since age 2. He had started to show signs of "anxiety" over being dropped off in the A.M.

Other parents have offered the following advice :
1. see if you can stop in at an odd time during the day, for a surprise visit. Can you observe the class w/o your son seeing you? Talk with the director or a teacher to ask how his mood has been during the day.
2. ask him to draw a picture of his day at school. A lot w/b revealed. He may be dealing with his first bully, an activity he doesn't like, a game he isn't enjoying, a short-tempered teacher.
3. ask him to play pretend with you, ask him t/b the teacher and you will be (your son) ask him to talk with you. A lot w/b revealed in the language, body language, the way he speaks to you. It might be a teacher in an over-crowded class raising her voice, causing him t/b nervous.
4. talk with other parents, in your son's same age group. Ask if they are having any similar experiences. It's VERY helpful to gather insight from other parents. If there is a teacher causing anxiety for several kids, it's time to take the matter up with the director or the teacher.

I can't take credit for any of these ideas, but they have been very helpful with my son. He was experiencing an older child teasing him. After a quick conversation with the teacher, the boys were separated during the afternoon, assigned to different activities and the issues stopped.

Good luck to you and your son ~

Answer 5

Children in daycare on a routine and when they moce up class's it kinda throws them off. He will get use to it will just take sometime each child is diffrent I would suggest letting him help pick out his clothes and I don't know about your daycare but in mine when my kids move up the kids usually move with them not all of them but a bunch so maybe you can tell him well your friends are still in your class so you can still play with your friends and what helped with my son was I asked him if he would feel better if when I picked him up in the afternoon I took him to say hi to his old teacher and loved that idea so everyday when I pick him up we go to the other teachers class and he gets to say hi. Hope this helps

Answer 6

I'm in the same boat as you are..my son used to go to a home day care until last week. Today was his first day (4hrs) at a new daycare and he cried a bit. My heart was so heavy leaving him there. Some of the answers below are helping me, I hope he will get better. Its all the motherly instincts that are getting to us at times like these!

Answer 7

It's so common for kids to get very "mommy"-ish when they're dropped off to kindergarden. My dad used to work at a daycare center and he, lots of other people too, says that lots of kids will be really upset and cry when their mommy leaves, and a few mintues afterwards they'll be playing as happily as ever.

Answer 8

It seems like he should be over it now but there might be some reason why he doesn't like to go...have you sat him down and asked him why he doesn't like it? It might be because kids pick on him or he thinks the teacher is mean or he just loves his mommy. But he doesn't like to go just because...

Answer 9

A loving mother stays home with her children!