My fiance and I are getting married in about six months. We are doing a destination wedding and only immediately family will attend. My parents bought us a washer/dryer for wedding gift and are paying for the ceremony (which is only $250) and they are paying for half the cost of our rooms for the honeymoon. My fiance's parents (who are of the same income bracket as my parents) have not offered to help with anything at all, and we are well into the planning stages. I do not think they are going to help and that hurts my fiance's feelings. It all goes back to a story from his past. WHen he was in high school, he wanted to take a girl to thr prom, but had just recently gotten a job. He wanted his parents to help with his tux rental, and they said "no." So what should I do? Do I have the right to be upset? I am really trying to downplay it--as I do not want my fiance to feel any worse about it because of something I say. Thanks for reading!
2007-06-11 05:33:48 · 12 answers · asked by jrhod263 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Well if they are thinking like most groom's parents they aren't financially on the hook for most things regarding the wedding so they haven't offered to pay. Your fiance might ask if they were going to pay for dinner the night before the wedding or your bouquets but they aren't obligated to pay for anything really. He can't really control their behavior but he can accept that they aren't going to be financially supportive and either take them for what the do have to offer or just distance himself from them. Even though the last option seems a bit extreme if they have no other problems.
2007-06-11 05:41:25 · answer #1 · answered by indydst8 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its a double edge sword. You would like and kind of need a little bit of their financial help w/ the wedding. I believe the grooms family is suppose to pay for the tuxes and the rehearsal dinner but in this situation it seems like you would just like them to pay for something to help "chip" in. The unfortunate part is that if you bring it up or throw a fit about it, it could cause trouble "hard feelings" in the long run. I think you have the right to be upset...just at the simple fact that they didn't offer and that your parents are the one that are really fronting the bill on this but his parents could be really old fashion (or cheap) and see that since you 2 are grown up it should be your responsibility to front the bill for the wedding. I wouldn't say anything now cause it could cause conflict in the long run and could cause emotional problems right before the wedding. Do the best that you can paying for the wedding and get things ready...and just look at it this way... you paid for your wedding w/out them. And they can't ever say they contributed cause they didn't. Just let it go for now and thank your parents for helping.
2007-06-11 07:03:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
My fiances parents were the same way with our wedding and in the end, it resulted in hurt feelings all around.
I would out right sit down with them and say something. Say that you and your fiance are enjoying planning this wedding but since only close family will be there, we'd really like input from our parents so that everyone will have a good time. Putting it this way may make them want to get involved all together. Just a thought..
2007-06-11 07:07:55 · answer #3 · answered by Des 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Everyone has a right to their feelings, so yes, you do have the right to be upset. And your intended has the right to feel hurt.
On the other hand, his parents are in no way obligated to finance any part of your wedding. Nor were they obligated to pay for his tux to go to the prom.
It's time for both of you to take a deep breath and accept that this is how his parents have chosen to deal with money. Unless there's a heck of a lot more to the story, I don't think it should be taken as a deliberate slap in the face. If anything, it sounds to me as though his parents think having him pay his own way in life will make him more responsible and self-reliant. Those aren't bad qualities to have in a husband, or a wife.
In short, throw whatever private hissey fit you need to, then grow up, suck it up, and get on with your marriage.
2007-06-11 05:45:28 · answer #4 · answered by gileswench 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Traditionally the brides parents pay for the wedding and the grooms parents pay for the rehearsal dinner. Now...your fiance's parents may be very "traditional" people. They may feel offended if they are asked to help pay for the wedding since it isn't "traditionally" their responsibility. As far as the Tux rental in high school, I'm sure they had their reasons, he did have a job right? I'm not necessarily agreeing with them I'm giving you some possible reasons for their behavior. I guess it wouldn't hurt to ask them for help in the wedding plans but don't be upset if they refuse. As a mother of boys (20 & 17) I'm not going to assume responsibility for helping pay for their weddings but if they ask I will bend over backwards to help in any way I can. (Yes, I'm a bit old fashioned) I am however going to plan the best rehearsal dinner ever!! Best wishes...........................
2007-06-11 05:45:28 · answer #5 · answered by bbbarra 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It may just be their way to giving him that proverbial push from the nest....except for good this time (the first time the was tux rental.) Let him know that if it really bothers him he could always just let them know that it hurts they never even offered to help, especially when your parents are doing a lot (it seems) to help.
Word of caution though..my fiance and I didn't think his parents would help financially either, and we weren't expecting it, but they offered to buy the flowers when my MIL to be saw 1 of my silks I had brought her to make my ring bearer pillow with. (she didn't like the quality, but boy am glad I accept the offer because my flowers will be beautiful!!) Maybe they have something in mind as a surprise for you two...you never know.
2007-06-11 05:42:36 · answer #6 · answered by ♥Mommy to 3 year old Jacob and baby on the way♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say you are NOT being an idiot for wanting their support. Have either of you directly ASKED them if they would like to be involved? I would say, if you haven't already, go ahead and sit down with them and ask them and tell them your reasons for wanting them involved. If they still don't want to be involved, let it go. I know this will be upsetting to both of you, because they are parents and should care about this momentous moment in your lives, but you can't change people. It will only upset the both of you more if you try and push the issue on them.
Good luck and congrats on the wedding!
2007-06-11 05:40:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you don't wear your mother's dress, you will forever regret it. If your future mother in law will be ashamed of you just because you're wearing your mother's dress, then chances are, she'll always be ashamed of you. Where is your fiance in all of this....why doesn't he speak up?
2016-05-17 08:41:35 · answer #8 · answered by reina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You aren't an idiot for wanting them to care more but you should not be expecting anything from anybody with regards to helping you with the wedding finances or any huge gifts. It doesn't matter what income bracket they are in.
2007-06-11 08:54:49 · answer #9 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you don't have the right to be upset. Nowadays, the couple is expected to foot the bill themselves. If parents offer, as yours did, great. But they don't have to. Just because they're in the same income bracket doesn't mean that they have money to give you.
2007-06-11 05:42:10 · answer #10 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋