so this weekend i discovered that my fiance has in fact been speaking with his ex girlfriend again. it wasn"t only hidden from me that he was doing this, he also lied about who he was going to see when he went to see her and when he spoke with her on the phone. i had suspected this for a while. when the truth finally came out he still wasn"t being completely honest about the whole thing. it's complicated it also involves the custody battle of a dog they shared. i feel not only betrayed and lied to, but this girl also did not know that i was involved in his life. he swears it was jusy for the dog, which i could understand, but why not tell me about it then? i am very hurt, i don't know what to do.
2007-06-11 05:29:02 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Go ahead and feel hurt for a little while. No good in ever telling anyone not to. =)
Let him know you're hurt, and let him know you need to go talk to a professional for a session or two to help get a handle on your feelings. Invite him to come along with you for the sake of making sure you know the full and real story and aren't jumping to conclusions (you'll need to phrase it like that rather than saying "we need to go to counseling!").
One thing you don't address is how you have acted about the ex-GF in the past. I'd like to point out that if you have been particularly hostile about her, then I wouldn't be surprised if his reasoning for keeping it from you was that it *wasn't* a big deal - it was just about the dog - and bringing it up would have made it a bigger deal than it needed to be. He would simply have the talks, make the arrangements, and move on, and the secrecy was to avoid upsetting you - which backfired in this case, but has worked for many other people in similar situations.
2007-06-11 05:37:44 · answer #1 · answered by Katie S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's full of it. If it were only about the dog, he would never have felt that he needed to lie and honestly, why is he so attached to a dog that he had with the ex? If he knows she will take care of it, then that is just one of those things that you have to move on from, but it sounds like he is using it as an excuse to stay involved with the ex. I wouldn't be having sex with him, you don't know what he is up to right now.
2007-06-11 12:33:37 · answer #2 · answered by kitee80 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is willing to be deceptive over a dog think of what he might do when his feelings become involved. And I would be particularly disturbed that he didn't mention you to the ex. You say that you have been suspicious of something for awhile meaning that you have sensed that your fiance has been lying to you on a regular basis - is this the kind of relationship you want for the rest of your life? Good luck and God Bless.
2007-06-11 12:42:49 · answer #3 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bottom line - if you love him you'll stick with him.
My girlfriend is also a compulsive liar. When I catch her out her excuse is that she didn't want to hurt me because she knew I'd always jump to the wrong conclusion. As it happens, she's probably right about that but it still hurts when she lies to me. I'm no orphan though because she lies to everyone and always with the same reason. But, I love her like crazy and if the price of being with her is putting up with the occasional lie then so be it.
It's all about how much we love our partners and how much we're prepared to accommodate their foibles within our own "pictures" of how everything should be.
All the best anyway and hope your wedding is fabulous!
2007-06-11 12:38:11 · answer #4 · answered by crow3862000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
custody over a dog? Give me a break. Dump him if he will lie to you about all of this then he will lie to you about anything and everything in order to get what he wants without concern about you. You can do better. Marriage will only make it worse. You can heal!
2007-06-11 12:32:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he lied about it is because he knew you wouldn't like it . Is not reason for him to see his girlfriend in your back other than he might still having feelings for her.Sometimes is not easy let it go especially is it was her who ended the relationship .Ask him how he feel about her now and don't say nothing let him speaks himself out . Sometime people hide stuff from us ,because we don't listened and we just fight.
2007-06-11 12:40:45 · answer #6 · answered by maria r 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's hiding things from you now about a stupid dog, what is he going to hide when it's a real problem?
2007-06-11 12:32:27 · answer #7 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what a mess.....and a history....i would be weary of this one....comes with baggage and a history of not being honest to you.....wow.....take this one slowly...I'm betting he proves his dishonesty again and again, dear, sorry - I know that's not what you wanted to hear, sweetie.. :-)
2007-06-11 12:33:57 · answer #8 · answered by oneaquagal 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋