everythin g was fine and we just had a little miss understanding and he said he can never give me what i want . i had said in future i wanted kids and to get married and he said that he doesnt want that. so we are diffrent people and we are not on the same pages in this relationship.. so he said he doesnt want to deny me the opprtunity to be happy at some point in my life. i love and he said he loved me too all the time. i want to call him and say lets not have the kids and not get married then cause i love him that much... should i , do you think he loves me . should i leave him like that and see if he will call or sms ? what if he doesnt could he heve just used me for sex or he really does care for me and loves me so he is letting me go for the sake of my happiness?? iam a wreck, i cant stop crying , what should i do ??????????????
2007-06-11 05:09:43 · 20 answers · asked by bubbles 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He was honest in telling you that he didn't want what you wanted. If you, in a fit of unhappiness over the break-up, alter your goals and objectives to suit him - you will be unhappy later. You know you want a family, marriage, children. He doesn't. That's about as straightforward as it gets hon.
Cry cry cry - but don't contact him now. Wait until you feel better and can see things clearly. I'm sorry you're heartbroken - I hope you heal quickly!
2007-06-11 05:15:16 · answer #1 · answered by pepper 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The whole dating thing is so hard.....especially as a teenager. Boys are dumb and it takes a little while for them to get it together. Some much much longer than others. If he doesn't want to be the one then kick 'em to the curb and keep it movin!!! Are you of the having kids/getting married age? If so then bringing it up is kinda a good way to see if you guys are on the same page. And it seems you are not. Therefore you need to look into possibly chalking this one up and moving on yourself. Now if you are in your teens, early 20's all you did was scare homie away. No young man is looking to be tied down with kids and a marriage or even wants to hear about it right now!!! Get urself together and stop crying cuz trust me, someone else is gonna come along and make you totally forget about your x......Oh yeah, and him saying he wants to let you go for your happiness is bologna!!!! He flipped that on you to bounce.
2007-06-11 12:19:46 · answer #2 · answered by Chen 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do sound a little young ... too young to be talking about marriage and having children. If this guy loves you as much as he said he did, he wouldn't have dumped you because you told him your life's goals. Instead, if he didn't want the same thing as you, a simple "I respect what you want, but I'm not ready for that type of commitment just yet" would have been respectful of him.
How long have you two been together? Saying things like that too soon in a relationship can kinda scare a guy but it shouldn't have scared him to the point of wanting to leave you. I've been in my relationship for two years and we still don't talk of marriage and kids. Just because our friends are doing it, doesn't mean that we have to or that we are ready. There may have been an underlying reason as to why he wanted out of this relationship, but he was too much of a coward to be honest with you and respect you enough to be honest.
Honey, forget about this guy because you deserve better.
2007-06-11 12:21:18 · answer #3 · answered by alexis_luvada 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just let it go. you are not on the same page and you are only saying all those things becasue you are sad and broken hearted. He is not the one for you and eventually, you will find a guy who would want to get married and have kids with you.
I have a friend who was in a similar situation as you are. The guy did not want marriage, period. She tried to brish it off and talked herself into believing that it was ok but eventually, it was eating her up and she was very unhappy. Needless to say, they broke up. That happened sometime in June 2006. A year later : I just came back from her wedding to a wonderful guy this weekend. So my dear, do not fret. Cry all you want but the pain will fade. It is something all of us have in some point, experience it.
2007-06-11 12:37:29 · answer #4 · answered by SG GAL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not do anything until you calm down. Keep yourself busy and occupied. Two people who love and care about eachother can adjust to the others wants and needs (I think). Getting married and having kids is really a huge step and he clearly does not want that so don't force him. There are plenty of men who have the same interests as you. Take this time for yourself and to date other guys. I was in your shoes once and I made myself date other men and I truely hated it at the time. BUT it was the best thing for me to do. And I eventually moved on to a better relationship:)
2007-06-11 12:27:12 · answer #5 · answered by cargo3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to the first chic (janicajayne). She's right. Why would you settle for less than what you really want for some guy? The right guy will love YOU and everything you stand for and want out of life. Don't settle for a loser that apparently was looking for a reason to dump you. I'm sure you can do better than that sweetie. DO NOT call him, DO NOT text him, let him be. Don't try to hold onto people that don't want to be held onto.
If he calls you and wants to get back, DO NOT even answer the phone. he's probably just calling for easy sex. Don't fall for it. You can do better than that!!
Cry it out and keep it moving baby girl!!
God bless.
2007-06-11 12:16:22 · answer #6 · answered by meangyrl21 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, Girl, Girl,
The marriage and the kids had nothing to do with it. He wanted an out all along and you gave him one. He doesn't want to deny you the chance at happiness----that's classic for I don't want to be bothered with you, but we can still get laid whenever!!
You have always been on different pages, you just couldn't see it because you wanted him to be the one.
He never wanted to get that serious in the beginning. As YOU became more serious, HE became more distant, but let's not forget he is a man and will still take the "booty" if you give it to him.
The bad part it you will have to go throguh this again unless you recognize the signs. For us women, we have to go through it because we always want to commit. We want the family--You know the one surrounded by the white picket fence and all that.
Keeps your dreams alive. They do come true in time. Just take it slow!!
2007-06-11 12:22:47 · answer #7 · answered by littlecraps 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write a very nice letter to him, saying "lets not have the kids and not get married then cause i love you that much..."
maybe try a two-tone rose yellow/red is nice
maybe 1/2 a page, in nice writing, maybe 2-3 different colours, , Blue, Purple or Green are decent,
try ringing him 1st, but if he doesn't listen or seems sad n hangs up, then write...
2007-06-11 12:20:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to have kids if your married. And you don't have to be married to have kids. Sounds like you are willing to compromise, if he is, and you meet in the middle ground I say it can work. If he refuses to budge about his life-goals, although you compromised he's too self obsessed to want as a life-time partner anyways. It's likely he feels as such, because he wants to play the field. If someone doesn't believe in marriage it's usually because they 1) don't believe in marriage themselves because of the commitment, and he's seen his buddies get screwed by marriages. or 2) They don't believe the human species was supposed to be monogamous. Not a good person if you are the type that looks for not only monogamy but marriage.
2007-06-11 12:14:49 · answer #9 · answered by jay k 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
poor thing. sorry to hear about the breakup, but honestly, it sounds like he was telling you he's not as mature as you are and is not looking for a meaningful relationship that is as deep and loving as what you want. he sounds shallow and childish -- dont call him at all, he's not on the same wavelength as you.
however, just because you're not calling him, doesn't mean you're not supposed to hurt. you gave yourself to something that failed, that definitely hurts, so let it do what it needs to do so you can move on. understand that you were the better one of the two, that you were willing to give, and he wasn't. it's not your fault. you will find someone one day who will share what you are looking for. cry it out and move on....
.... and i guarantee he'll be calling you apologizing and wanting to make up. then it will be your choice if you want to experience it all over, or keep on keepin on.
keep your head up girl, it's going to be okay.
2007-06-11 12:16:04 · answer #10 · answered by superman26930 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋