What's the best way to help an alcoholic recover?

Question

A relative has been a raging alcoholic for about 10 years now. Example: In April she spent £880 in Bargain Booze! She has been in numerous drying out clinics and received all the relevant treatments but as soon as she is back home she drinks herself into oblivion. She seemingly doesnt want to stop drinking, but myself and other relatives want to try to help her to stop - with or without her cooperation. Recently, my mum and I have spent many hours decorating her new council bungalow and furnishing in a very homely way (her old flat stank of wee & poo (yak)) and being with her alot to prevent loneliness. She has carers going in twice a day every day as she has difficulty getting around. She has been out of her latest stint in respite for about 3 weeks and has already spent £130 on booze.... wee'd all over the bungalow and sh*t herself numerous times. The place was a sh*t hole... literally.

Other relatives are now saying that she should be allowed small amoutns of drink as she will find it too difficult to stop completey and will end up doing something silly, i.e. overdose (as cleverly tried a million times in the past) I feel like not devoting any more time and effort to this as I feel allowing her drink at all defeats the whole blinkin point!!!!!!!!! Does anyone else agree?

She claims to want to stop but makes absolutely no effort. I can't see how she can possibly get any lower than she already is. Apart from having absolutley noone to care for her. Our only fear of letting her wallow in her own self pity is that she'll succeed on one of her many overdose attempts. She never actually takes enough to do any serious harm but she might if she feels abandoned.

She has been given SO MANY chances of rebuilding her life and taking up hobbies, meeting new people but she prefers to stay indoors and drink until she cant control her own bodily functions! I do not want to carry on cleaning up after her!
We have tried to take control of her money and bank accounts but she just accusing us of stealing from her and threatens to report us to her bank for fruad. She turns extremely nasty when drunk.
I just dont know what to do for the best

We have tried on numerous occassions to get her sectioned but she is very clever and manipulative when it comes to doctors and psychiatrists. She knows what she should say to convince them that she's fine so they refuse to section her!!!!!!

Answer 1

hi im dave and im an alcoholic , there isnt much you can do unless she has the desire to stop drinking . its sad but true . controlled drinking wont work .you might want to take a vidio camera with you the next time you see her drunk and record her actions , when you see her sober show her the vidio , that might embarrass her enough to seek help and stick with it .you might think that is a mean trick to play on her but if it works it might save her life . most alcoholics are hiding something from the past or holding onto resentments . read step 4 and 5 in the AA big book .there are AA an AL -ANON meetings in almost every city around the world , i suggest that you go to an AL-ANON meeting ,there is lots of support there for family and friends of alcoholics .

Answer 2

I'm so sorry for you and your relative. Addiction is a tool of the devil. I hate seeing people go through such trying times.
There are pharmaceutical helps for alcoholism, however, if your relative doesn't want to stop chances are she won't. The thing with free will is that we all have it. Until she sees that she's killing herself she won't be able to let go of the problem. If she does agree to treatment she can be put on a medicine that will make her sick as a dang dog when she drinks with it. There are other medicines that help with losing an addiction, such as smoking, that don't have the nausea effect (that I'm aware of). It has to be taken daily, without missing a dose.
You're doing the right thing by staying with her and keeping her mind off of loneliness. Maybe you can get her interested in a hobby? I do hope she can get the help she needs and deserves.

Answer 3

You can't have "a little bit" that's the whole point!!!! Once an alcoholic gets a drink they'll want another, and another, and another etc etc. but can literally get totally pi**ed on no more than a couple of units because their liver is shot and their body can't filter the stuff out.

Similarly, you can't MAKE her give up. It's the old "how many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?" answer "it doesn't matter how many there are, the lightbulb has to WANT to change" What you are doing is fantastic, going and keeping her company etc., but as you say, it doesn't seem to be doing the trick. It's harsh, but I would suggest getting social services involved more, maybe even have her sectioned, for her own sake. She clearly sounds like she is drinking herself to death! There is a treatment, and now I'm racking my brain but can't remember (effect of too much alcohol!) it makes you physically sick if you drink alcohol. Check with your GP, they should be able to look it up.

Good luck

Answer 4

I feel for you and your family. I would suggest that you give her the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" (AA). Let her know that you believe that she is an alcoholic and may be in a place that is hopeless, without help. Let her know that IF SHE WANTS TO QUIT, the people in this book have found a solution.

I would also find AA meetings in your area, if you have them. That is just in case she wants help, you can try to get her some help immediately. You can also try to contact the New York office by the Web or Phone.

Finally, you and your family must accept the fact that if she doesn't want help, an alcoholic death could be the final chapter to this story. You don't have the power to make her stop if she doesn't want to stop. I will keep her in my prayers.

Answer 5

My lord, we must be the same person.

My father is an alcoholic, and I've gone to many Al-Anon meetings to realize that you have no power over anything that an alcoholic does, just like a parent has no right over you once you reach the legal age (of your country).

My father has been in rehab 3 times since Christmas and unfortunately, I found out that my brother was bringing him alcohol while he was in rehab. And now that my father is home, my brother is still providing him the alcohol. He drinks because he's lonely (my mother died in 2001), and he's upset that my brother and I have significant others and have moved on and didn't stay with him until he died.

If you ever want to contact me, please feel free. I'm always here for anyone.

Answer 6

Clearly she is depressed and in need of help.

We all have to eat and drink to stay alive, people spend that much a month on shoes and/or clothes, not to mention going on holiday, transport and food.

The more you tell someone you're worried the more they are likely to drink and neglect themselves.

It's a negative cycle started by people who want to inflict their own messed up values on us.

I would say try AA however AA are rubbish, anger, fear and a 'you have to hit rock bottom first' attitude.

There is no rock bottom, however low we get we can always find a way to go lower, it's part of human creativity for my sake!

Answer 7

I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this there is no cure even if she stops drinking for the rest of her life she will only be one drink away, unless she wants to stop she won't be able to give it up and no one will be able to make her, I suggest you seek counselling for you and your family to let you know what this illness is about and take my word for it it really is a terrible illness,you need to know what you are dealing with,I have a brother who is an alcoholic and he has tried to keep away from it but one slip and it's got him in it's grip,
you need to understand she is not just drinking because she wants to but because she feels she needs too

Answer 8

gurlieak is bang on. go al anon telephone them 02074030888 for your nearest meeting. this may give you a grasp on your own part in your relatives active alcoholism.
there is not a great deal you can do for someone who is in the midst of illness. i would suggest getting your relative to as many AA meetings as possible tel - 02078330022 for advice.
hope this helps.

Answer 9

why is the devil to blame man made booze so it is a man /woman problem,if she really wants to give up she will if not you may as well p!!s into the wind and no amount of cleaning or decorating will help good luck and do not let it drag you down

Answer 10

Take yourself and those family members that want to and go to an AA/ALANON meeting to learn to let go and quit rescuing your aunt. An alcoholic- or any other addict- will only quit when they are ready to quit. This usually entails hitting rock bottom. The kindest thing-and fastest-is to raise the bottom and let her hit it. Good Luck.