My father is an alcoholic, and on top of that, is wheel-chair ridden because of a series of strokes. I love him to death, and my mother is deceased, but with his issues of alcohol abuse (and since alcohol is being served at the reception), and his mental instability, should I have my father at my wedding? He can't get measured for a tux, he can't drive himself to the wedding, and would need a babysitter.
I also don't want to look like a complete b**** by not having him there, or going up to the staff at the reception hall and tell them, "Hey, you see that guy over there?? Don't serve him any alcohol!"
My brother said he would take him to the wedding, but, my brother's in the wedding party and it would be inconvenient for him to bring him and then have to take him back home immediately after the ceremony.
My father has disowned his side of the family and isn't on good terms with my mother's side.
What do you think? Can you think of any compromises?
Thanks for the help!
2007-06-11 04:38:04 · 15 answers · asked by Rock Goddess 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Would you regret not inviting him later? Would he make a scene? How does your fiance feel about it? I think if you do invite him you can always not ask him to be in the wedding party. Definitely put him on the no alcohol list, you'll thank yourself for that later. Consider asking a cousin or a close male friend to keep an eye on him too. I don't know what his mental capabilities are after the strokes but I think he'd like to see his daughter married. Talk about it with your father too. If my father still drank (he's a recovered alcoholic) I would have put him on a do-not-serve list without hesitation and told him I was going to. Overall, this is your day. No one who could potentially ruin it should be there.
2007-06-11 19:12:59 · answer #1 · answered by ofacheshiregrin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You love him to death but you don't want him at your most important day ever?!??!?!?
Invite him, hire someone to watch him for the ceremony/reception, and ensure the person watching him knows he is not allowed to have any alcohol, as well as any instructions as to what to do if he acts out and causes a scene.
Don't fit him for a tux, find something nice for him to wear that would make him look dapper in a wheelchair.
The people invited who are not on good terms with him should know to act respectfully towards each other as this is your day and they are all there for YOU.
2007-06-11 08:44:31 · answer #2 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Family comes first at all times, it is not always convenient 4 us 2 have a dependent parent but as u said he's ur only living parent so here's my advice 2 u: invite him 2 the wedding and get someone 2 shadow his every move even if u have 2 hire someone 4 the day. In doing so u would have done ur daughterly duty and ur dad would be in the capable hands of someone, unable 2 cause any embarrassing disruptions. Enjoy ur special day.
2007-06-11 04:54:06 · answer #3 · answered by Guidance 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's your wedding day and if you want to be able to share it with your father you should. Does he not have a caretaker? How would he get anywhere else he might go? If your brother is offering, I'd say let him. Or find another close friend who is not in the wedding party to help you out. Have you asked your father what he thinks might work? Sitting down and saying "hey, Dad, this is of concern to me" might be all you need to do to figure out what will work for everyone.
2007-06-11 04:46:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You say you love your father, yet you're willing to cut him out of your wedding because he's wheelchair bound and alcoholic?
If you truly love him as you say, you'll be willing to figure out ways to have him there and properly attended to. Kudos to your brother for caring enough to bring him! Shame on you for being more fussed about appearances and transportation schedules than family.
Inconveniences last a short while, regrets for not taking the trouble last a lifetime.
If he doesn't have a caretaker, hire one for the day. It's a small price to pay to let him have this moment with his daughter.
2007-06-11 05:06:56 · answer #5 · answered by gileswench 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
do not spend yet another 2nd questioning approximately it. do not attend. he's marrying a woman who for some reason "hates your guts". He has on no account behaved as a loving, being concerned father and it is not going that he ever will, thinking he's marrying pass over I Hate Your Daughter's Guts. Your baby does not choose the drama. i don't think of your husband has the least prefer to be uncovered to the drama of your father/daughter dating the two. No hard thoughts, basically "sorry, not plenty involved." Now be executed with it and get on at the same time with your satisfied life.
2016-11-10 02:38:24 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By all means he deserves to be there,take all the negatives and turn them into a positive help him find something nice to wear it does not have to be a tux,find someone to pick him up and take him home,it will be a proud moment for him and he will always rememberthe moment he`s your Daddy.If i still had my Father i`d insist he give me away maybe you need to push him down the aisle and let him give you away,you know how special that would be for him,afterall your parents gave you there life as you were growing up why not give something back.Good Luck and God Bless!!!
2007-06-11 05:07:05 · answer #7 · answered by maxine101 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hire someone to take care of him and once he is at the party do not serve him alcohol. I am sure he would be very proud to watch you get married and not taking him would only probably depress him more. You can always dress him nicely without having him wear a tuxedo.
2007-06-11 04:48:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
BOTTOM LINE.. He's your father!!!!! I'm sure he put up with many of your faults and never tossed you out of something as important as seeing his own daughter get married.. Remember all the food, housing and time he spent trying to give you a happy life and now because he is handicapped and probably has a drinking issue you want to push him aside so YOU won't be embarrassed??? Shame on you! He's your DAD... I'm sure he's not embarrassed of you, but has every right to be if you disreguard him at your own wedding.. The problem is YOU not him..
How can you HURT your own father??? Thats as low as it gets.
2007-06-11 04:58:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
if you feel he should be there, let him attend the ceremony. tell some of your friend to take care and return back in time. if you feel that father wants to attend this ceremony, let him and tell him to take care. for girl father is more attached. if the answer in no for both if's then don't take him to wedding part. but if one if is there let him attend because this the functionwe are doing once.
2007-06-11 04:47:48 · answer #10 · answered by dattusing p 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋