Please help me come up with a convincing argument with several good points, PLEASE!!!!!!?

Question

My mom has never trusted me. She trusted my older brother and he burned her every time. Then she would ground him and just let him off with it. He’s a total man whore and she knows it but let him get away with it knowing it from the time he was about 17 on. I’ve never done a single thing for her not to trust me. My grades are good and I’ve never snuck out or done anything she’s told me not to. She let me go to my friends one time and they had drugs, alcohol, and boys there. I called her as soon as I found out and asked her to come get me. One of my friends gave me drugs at school and I came home and gave them to her and didn’t open them and told her I didn’t want them, I didn’t use them! She introduced me to my now boyfriend because she liked him. She never let us be alone, I didn’t complain. Then when he graduated she let me ride in the car with him from the ceremony to his party, where she was too and then we went to his grandparent’s house then back to mine with her. No complaints.

He leaves for basic (for the air force) in December and his dad wants to fly me to go stay with them for a few weeks this summer. She’s already told me she trusts his dad and believes him. She said I have to wait till after my 17th birthday in December (when I’m in school) to go see him. He’s leaving then and I won’t be able to see him. I want to go this summer while I’m out of school and when he’ll actually be able to see me. If you think I should be able to go, please help me with points I need to bring up to her. If not, please explain to me why. Thanks, all reasonable opinions will be appreciated.

I'll be 17 this December 5th and I want to go in July or August. Another thing. My boyfriend and I have talked about sex and (being completely sick of playing by the rules and still being treated like a 12 year old) I begged him for it! I have a million times and he says no. He says to wait till I’m 18 and have a little more prospective about what I want. I don’t ever lie to my mom. She knows I want to and have asked him for it, he and my mom are close and talk about it. He won't and she knows it’s not going to happen. Even it we wanted to, his dad would NEVER let us so we wouldn’t be able to, not that he even would… She knows I tell her the truth about everything.

Wow, yet another part of this. My mom is going through her second divorce and we’re moving. She’s stressed out right now so I said I would wait till July or August to make it easier for her cause we’ll be moved (we're moving this weekend) and the divorce will all be over by then. Is there anything else I can do to be more convincing to her that I’m ready and mature enough to handle this?!

We have a great relationship (as far as emotionally and mentally, we’re not physical) but he’ll be gone for a year and 3 months! I really don’t wanna go that long without seeing him….

Answer 1

I feel for you because I went through the same exact thing. My brother got all the freedom in the world and got into soooo much trouble, and I was the complete opposite.

Her reasoning sounds like a good ole' double standard, whats ok for boys is not ok for girls.. which, in this day and age is completely unrealistic.

Tell her exactly how you feel:
"Mom....,,,
*I have never lied to you

*I haven't done anything to lose your trust

*I do not give into peer pressure and I am assertive enough to get out of situations where I am not comfotable

*You raised me and I have a good head on my shoulders

*I am not going to do anything stupid to jeopordize my future

*My boyfriend (whom you introduced me to) respects me and would never do anything to violate our trust

*While I am away, I will call you every day, 3 times a day if you want

*You have said you trust his family

*Give me the benefit of the doubt, a chance to prove to you that I am a responsible young lady

* I am my own person and will not make the same mistakes others have made (example: your brother)

Answer 2

Well this sounds very stressful,can hear it here. Well there are few mothers that do this, like having the favorite child that does no wrong only to them, meansof control. Ive seen a few (little) mothers contthis way after the mothers child is in the 40's, and the child knows he can get away with it. Hang in Sweetie, your more independant, and you are very honest. You always will be. Tell you what? When you get all these answers from everyone's view here... Print it out, when the time is right because is sounds like the whole family is in for big changes, pull this out and show her. I do hope you are able to see your brother this summer before he leaves. I wish you and your family well. Good Luck

Answer 3

You are not ready or mature - you should wait till you are older. When you are 16 or even 17 - you don't know what you want in life. You should concentrate on your education and not even have a boyfriend. When you are in college, you will then know which direction your life is going to take and where you want to go. Then and only then can you find the right person to spend the rest of your life with.

Listen to your mom! She knows how being a teenager is and was. She does not want you to make the same mistakes she did. And - boys are different - that's why she treated your brother different. They don't bring home babies.

Answer 4

First of all, you need to remember to stay calm and rational while you are discussing this with her. I know it's a very frustrating situation, but it's very unlikely that you will be allowed to go if she sees you throwing a fit over it.

*You are not staying with your boyfriend alone; you are staying with his family. (Ask his dad if he would be willing to talk to your mom, and then offer this to her. My boyfriend had a long-distance relationship a long time ago, and this was the only thing that worked.)
*She knows your boyfriend well and trusts him, and she knows that he refuses to have sex with you.
*Your boyfriend will not be available for you to visit after your birthday, and you are not likely to suddenly become any more mature before then.
*You might not get to see him again for a long time, depending on what his assignments are. This is not a replicable opportunity.
*You and your boyfriend have proven in the past that you have not done anything dodgy or uncouth.
*You could offer to call her nightly and assure her that everything is ok. Offering to call right before bed might be particularly effective, since it would assure her that you are not sleeping in the same bed with him (but don't state that directly; just let her draw that conclusion and think that she came up with it herself--you don't want her to think that sleeping in the same bed is even a possibility that entered your mind).
*This trip will not cost her anything.
*Ask if there's anything you can do to earn the trip. She'll probably think about it and realize you've done everything possible already, which will hopefully make her feel dumb about not letting you go. :-P Or she might give you some chores to do that would make it possible for you to go, which would be ok, too.

I really hope you get to go, because based on your description, I definitely don't think she's being reasonable. Honestly, this is not GOOD advice, but at your age, I flagrantly disobeyed my parents a few times when they were being unreasonable. They were going to ground me, but I told them I would run away if they did, and I had every intention of following up on that (I was very close to my boyfriend's family and could have lived with them). They basically cared enough about my future to back off and loosen up a little, since I'd never caused any serious trouble in the past. This trip seems important enough to just GO. . . but don't do it if you're not fully prepared to throw everything at home away.

Answer 5

Have her read this. If you're willing to get strangers advice and support for your cause, this might show her how despert you are for her trust you and your judgement. She has raised you to be a good, honest and responsible young lady. Now let the life lessons she has given you be put to work. She seems to have done well in raising you so far. The fact the the father of your boyfriend has also promised to keep his eye on you two should be of great comfort to her. Good luck hon.

Answer 6

Wow drama! Take a deep breath! You know how he feels about you , sex will not change that. It will only complicate it. Espescially if you get pregnant at 17-18 yrs old.If this relationship will last forever, then it will at least last a few months that you are apart. Take the time to get to know him and ask hard questions about him as a person. take your time, it will be okay. your mom is having a hard time right now. She is trying to protect you so give her a break. There are phones and internet to keep in touch until you see him again.

Answer 7

Sorry, I'm with mom on this.

I know you appear to be responsible and yes it is unfair that she is more leniant with your brother, but the truth is you are not an adult and going away with a boy and his family is a no no.

Your brother is a different issue. If your brother was exactly like you, the answer still should be no, you can't go.

Good Luck

Answer 8

you sound like a girl any mom would be very proud of. if she doesn't trust you, she probably fears you will end up like your brother. your boyfriend sounds very level headed. maybe your mom could talk to his dad and work out a reasonable solution for a visit before December. if not, make the best of it, and work on making your relationship flourish.

Answer 9

No, because you aren't. I think you should wait until you 17 like she has told you. I would do the same. Your b/f seems to be a mature young man, I sure he can wait until Dec.

Answer 10

its not that she trustes him, she afriad of him i mean what kind of a son would get mad a burn his mother! take him to see a consuelor or something be the good one talk to her about it one on one and if it doesnt work write a letter to her.