Is it better to express anger toward someone or just keep distance from them?

Question

I sent some gifts to my cousin for her birthday. Her birthday is a few weeks away. I ordered them online early because I wasn't sure how long they would take for her to receive them.

I sent her an e-mail to expect the gifts by last Friday since that's when it said they would be delivered. Both gifts were delivered - one on Thurs and one on Friday. She did not reply to the e-mail.

I also left a message on Friday asking her to please let me know if she received both gifts. She did not call back. I tried to call on Saturday, but did not leave a message.

I don't know if I should just ignore the anger I feel toward her or let her know how hurt and angry I feel that she did not even bother to let me know that she received the gifts.

I have decided to not call her too much because I don't want to seem like I am running after her or too needy. But, I would have appreciated a quick e-mail saying that she did in fact receive the gifts.

Answer 1

I agree; she is being very rude, your cousin. But some people are like that. I think, especially when it comes to the failure to acknowledge a gift that was sent (as opposed to being delivered in person), the best thing is to do exactly what you have done--------ask politely at first to be certain the gift was received. If there is no response to that, then let it be.

You, at least, have done a good thing in showing caring towards your cousin and sending something for her birthday. She is in the wrong here, clearly. Don't compromise your own position by being dragged down to her level of rude behavior.
You can hold your head high, as they say, and be glad you have done a thoughtful thing.

Then, I would try gently to ignore her.

Answer 2

You have a right to feel anger towards your cousin -- she should have responded to your emails with a thank you. Or at least to let you know she received the items.

But as a person who does ignore anger, I have to admit it's not healthy and I'm trying to overcome my habit of swallowing my anger just to keep peace.

What I recommend, and what I'm trying to remember to do myself, is confront those instances when I feel I've been mistreated. I suggest you call your cousin, and VERY CALMLY ask her if she received the items. Talk with her personally and see if this doesn't clear the air between you both. Perhaps she's got some really big problems in her life that are consuming all her thoughts. Maybe she'll apologize for not letting you know sooner.

She was definitely in the wrong for not answering your emails, but there's a chance she just never went to her email account. Give her a call. And be CALM.

Answer 3

It is rude not to acknowledge the receipt of a gift. At least if you use package tracking from UPS or USPS, you can find out if it was delivered.

I had this problem with a cousin, and his problem was that he was just lazy and never acknowledges receipt of any gift given. In that particular case, it caused me a problem because I made an issue of it. He took my inquiries as to the receipt of the item as a personal insult.

My advice, just back off and keep your distance. Don't complicate matters by being perceived as angry or "meddling" as I was accused, or, the expression he used on me was "anal-retentive" [he thinks I live to follow rules, regulations, and he thinks that I always have to be right and in the "moral high ground"].

Answer 4

With family its always better to express your anger. As long as you give youself time to cool off before you start expressing. Dont let it build up to the point where you are so angry you cant even look at her.

I have a cousin who is always getting mad and then not saying anything. I dont even know she is mad and then out of nowhere she starts flipping out about something that happened 2 weeks ago. Im not a mind reader! If there is a problem just tell me so i can fix it or know better for next time.

Answer 5

There is nothing wrong with telling your cousin that you feel slighted by her failure to respond to your messages, AND failure to thank you for the gifts. You shouldn't approach the situation with anger, but tell her gently how much her negligence hurt you. Ignoring her and keeping your distance won't do anything to settle the situation. And, if she cares for you, she will not take your direct approach negatively.

Answer 6

I hate no longer being waiting to instruct thoughts. I propose, i do no longer cry on the drop of a hat or something, yet i've got actually had to recollect on my very own thus far as thoughts are worried. i'm an basically baby and as quickly as I felt down in the dumps while i grew to become into little, my mothers and dads informed me to close up and not cry. My mom grew to become into a similar way as my dad pretty lots. i'm grateful because of fact i'm slightly self sustaining now, yet on a similar time, it would be very superb as quickly as I can relatively believe somebody to allow me come out of my shell each each now and then.

Answer 7

Give her one more week. If she doesn't reply you, call her to ask if she received your gift and e-mail. If she said she did receive your gift and e-mail, it means she is indeed rude to you. However don't let her know how angry you are with her, just say glad to know it reached her. With this knowledge, I suggest you distance yourself from this cousin of yours. She is a b*tch!!!!!

Answer 8

This is one of those choose your battles moments. Not receiving gratitude or even acknowledgment for your gifts is very irritating. I suggest you take a break and not even bring it up to your cousin; this will give you time to calm down and avoid saying hurtful things.

Answer 9

Keeping a distance is the smartest thing to do. Showing your anger isn't going to help the situation. Take a week or two to cool off your emotions before speaking to her again.

Answer 10

Hmm...well...I'm not sure that confronting her would do any good since she seems to already be practicing the act of avoidance. Just keep this in mind for future reference and don't purchase anymore gifts for her.