Should I feel guilty about being a stay at home mother?

Question

I am a stay at home mother of three beautiful children aged 8, 6 and 3. My husband works long hours and earns a good income. We cannot afford luxuries such as holidays, and nights out at restaurants etc however we always pay our bills on time and we are able to provide essentials such as clothing and food without any problems. We are paying off our own home and we own our cars etc and have no other debt. My husband would like for me to go back to work within the next year or so as we are starting to outgrow our current home. My dilemma is that I had no intention of going back to work ever as I believe that my place is at home raising our children. I dont know how I could juggle both home and work and give them the same level of care as they are receiving now. They are all very happy, very well adjusted children and I am very happy being a stay at home Mum. Am I being selfish in not wanting to return to work?

Answer 1

Stay at home mother, that is one job you have a very hard time drawing a disabililty check from

Answer 2

If your husband is making enough to support the family, then I think it's selfish for him to want YOU to work to make more money. At that point you are sacrificing your home and children for the great cash cow. A bigger home isn't the answer, holidays and dates aren't the answer. Family time and love are the answer. If you are paying off your own home, then you will have plenty of equity for buying a new home, and again, the point is moot.

As someone else pointed out, if the kids are in daycare, how much will you have to make to make the job worth it? I know when I looked at working, daycare for two children was $200 a week, so $800 a month, and add in gas (which would have been $400 a month), professional clothes, lunches, and even as a college professor I wouldn't have been making enough to make it worth it. That was ten years ago, so I'm sure it's worse now! Even if the older two are in school, you'll need to have care for the youngest, and be quite careful that you find a job that will let you go before schools out or be willing to pay a few hundred a week for afterschool care.

Answer 3

That's a tough call. As long as things are OK financially, there's no reason for you to feel guilty about not working outside the house. But if you're starting to outgrow your current home and you're planning to by a new house you have to consider what's involved in that.

Housing prices today are extremely high. Can your husband's salary support moving up to a larger home? If not, consider not only what a second salary would contribute but also what additional expenses would be involved in you going to work. You will now have to pay a babysitter, you will need transportation to and from work, you will need clothes to wear. Can you find a job that will comfortably handle the additional expenses and also contribute to savings for the future?

An alternative might be finding a way to make money while staying at home. In this day of the internet, there are lots of work from home jobs you can find that will provide the additional income and also allow you to be home with the kids. Do some research and see what feels right. There are a lot of multi level marketing programs out there. You want to be careful about those as there are lots of promises made that don't always follow through. There are also things like Virtual Assistant jobs where you would be an administrative assitant but work from home. From what I see they make pretty good money. You would have to train for it but it sounds like you have the time to do that since we're talking "within the next year". With any of these, there may be an initial investment involved but that would be offset by the additional expenses you would incur if you had to travel to an office. There's always a way. Good Luck.

Answer 4

You should most definitely not feel guilty about being a stay at home mom. Sure, it's probably natural that you might feel out of place or a little awkward because you haven't placed yourself outside of a work place before and then immerse yourself entirely into your daughter's life. The most important years of a child's life are the beginning; it's where bonds are first created and memories are made. Being there for your daughter and placing her in an environment that will only better her is not a selfish decision, it's completely selfless. Don't worry, what you are doing is right and what a good mother should be worrying about :)

Answer 5

Oh how blessed you and your family are. I always wanted to stay home and have a family and never got that so I applaud you for doing this and realizing the importance of a mother and wife's job.

I would venture to say your husband is getting tired and is asking for help even though he didn't put it that way. You are home with the kids where you want to be but what does he get to enjoy?

Why don't you look into doing something at home where you can be home all the time but still bring in some extra money?

Or apply for something at school as a teacher's aide so you will be off each time your kids are but still bring in extra income most of the year.

I remember growing up, how wonderful it was to go home and have my mother there fixing supper or if I got sic, mom was at home to care for us and not at some job where we couldn't get the TLC.

She was able to teach us the values she wanted us to learn, not have us learn from some stranger where the kids get mixed messages since they usually teach different values from the parents.

Stick to your guns, just look for alternatives. So many people have set up home businesses and there are also alot of jobs who will let you work at home so see what you can find and be there for children. You won't regret it and neither will your kids.

Just remember to think of your husband's needs, too ~ someday the kids will be grown and gone and there will be just the two of you. Learn to nurture your relationship and keep a firm foundation under you as your love gets stronger through the years.

God bless you

Answer 6

There is nothing at all wrong with being a stay at home mother, but perhaps your husband needs help, so have you thought of online jobs that you can do at home in your spare time? I don't believe you are being selfish, but today it's hard to be a one income family, I know many single parents who hold down two jobs, think about work you can do at home to bring more money into your home and still have the precious time you and your kids need. There are many good, legit jobs where you can set your own hours. I'm wishing you all the best.

Answer 7

No but here is my experience. I was single with my daughter (now 16) and had no choice but to work and now am happily married and home with my 2 1/2 yr old boy. He doesn't care if I work or not but I need adults and I like to help contribute financially to our family.

Our resolution or I will say mine because he really doesn't care. I found something that I love to do, I receive amazing discounts on products that I use any way and I get out 2 or 3 nights a week and make a good income which we use as extra money or stick it in the bank. I have adult girl time and both of my kids see me working which is good for them.

I make a full time income for about 12 hours of work a week (minus what I would be paying for daycare). Maybe you could consider something like this without having to sacrifice time with your children?

Marriage and parenting is dependent on compromise. Think about it and then talk to your husband and see what he thinks.

If you are looking for ideas feel free to contact me. I have two friends that work from home besides myself and we all do something different so email me if you are curious. I would be glad to help.

Answer 8

I don't see how you can raise 3 kids today on one income unless he has a very good job. I think it's reasonable for you to stay home with the kids until the youngest starts going to school. At that point, you should get a job and in return your husband can help out around the house.

Answer 9

No ma'am! It's human nature for a mother to want to care for and protect her children. I'm sure if you talk to your husband he will see it the same way that you do. I was a stay at home mom until both kids went to school and then guess what! I went to school with them! lol! That's what everyone says since I got a job up at the school as a teacher's assitant! :-) Our #1 most important job in this world is being a good parent and I believe that is what you are doing. Feel good that you are doing the right thing.

Answer 10

There's nothing wrong with wanting to stay home with your children but then there's nothing wrong with going back to work when the children are in school. Once your youngest is in school all day there really isn't a need for you to stay home. Try and find part time work so that you can be home when the children get out of school.

Answer 11

I dint think you are being selfish. If you can stay home that is a privilege. Most women cannot. I would also consider your cost for child care, I pretty much was paying someone else to watch my kids and not really making much money to contribute to my household. I would just talk to your husband and really consider all of you options before making any major decisions. You can also work from home. There are allot of options out there.