can somebody help me to revise this paragraph.?

Question

Amanda is a 21-year-old from Tampa, Florida who now wants to pursue professional modeling. She is fun, loving, honest, unique, and aspiring model. Her face is very sweet and her body compliments her face. I think she can pull off so many looks like formal dresses, casual wear and much more.

Answer 1

Amanda is a 21 year old from Tampa, Florida. She is presently pursuing a career in modeling. Amande also posseses this sweet and endearing look that can melt your heart and with a stunning body to boot! Apart from that, this aspiring model photographs well in just about anything from formal wear, casual wear and so much more! Watch out for her!

Answer 2

Amanda wants to pursue a career in professional modelling. She is a fun-loving, 21-year old from Tampa, Florida. This aspiring model has a sweet face that compliments her graceful physique. She has the poise and ability to flaunt several looks, from formal evening wear to casuals and much more. She's a honest and loving person. I think she's unique!

Answer 3

Amanda is twenty-one and from Tampa, Florida. Amanda aspires to be a professional model. Her personality reveals a very loving, honest and unique young lady. Her face glows with sweetness which compliments her slender body. She has a gift that allows her to compliment any style of dress from formal to casual wear and much more.

Answer 4

Amanda is a 21 year old aspiring model from Tampa, Florida. She is fun loving, honest and unique. She has a sweet face and shapely body. She looks beautiful in formal dresses, casual wear and so much more.
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Saying that she is a aspiring model is the same thing as saying she wants to pursue professional modeling. No need to say both.

Answer 5

Amanda, a 21 year old Tampa, Florida resident, is an aspiring professional model. Her personality is uniquely charming and sincere. Her pretty face and lovely physique enable her to model many fashion styles, formal and casual.

Note: I chose not to use this word, but if you do, make sure you spell it "complements", not "compliments", okay?

Answer 6

Amanda is a delightful 21-year old from Tampa, Florida, who wishes to pursue a professional modeling career.

She is fun; loving; honest; and unique. Her face is very sweet and her body compliments her face.

I believe that she can pull off a variety of looks, including both formal and casual wear.

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I hope this will help - best of luck
Look after yourself and be safe.
Sandy
http://www.moms-home-safety.com

Answer 7

My call is Tara. Born and raised in Orlando, Florida, i'm 21 years previous. approximately ??? years in the past, I moved to Tampa, FL the place i'm an entire time scholar at USF. i would be graduating presently. My considerable classes of learn are administration and ___. My enthusiasm to kind returned is powerful. I did some modeling while i replaced into youthful and theory i could supply it yet another shot. here i'm! Smiling and making different human beings smile is what makes me happiest. from time to time I’m goofy, different situations extreme. My pastimes contain drawing, writing, shooting of the places I circulate to, making a music alongside to music after Ipersistent, working, spending time with my boyfriend and the different human beings i admire... and in basic terms having exciting. After a million or 2 situations, sidestep beginning up sentences with “I”. ***

Answer 8

This is a good paragraph. I suggest some minor changes:

1) Remove "now" from the first sentence.
2) Add the word "a" before "fun."
3) Say "She is a fun-loving..."
4) Remove the comma after "unique." Modern usage generally removes that comma before "and" in a series.
5) Remove "so" from the last sentence.
6) Use a less slangy expression like "pull off." I would suggest "demonstrate."
7) For "much more," I suggest adding a noun: ...she can demonstrate... and many more styles."

Hope this helps.

Answer 9

Editing style depends on your purpose and your audience.

Technically, there is little wrong with that paragraph. Here are some suggestions to improve it, depending on your motives.

Remove excess verbiage...
Do we need to know where she is from? How old she is? That she wants to "now" pursue modeling. (What did she want to do before? The word "now" seems like "filler.")

Avoid nebulous adjectives…
What does a sweet face look like? What may look sweet to you may be something else to her grandmother! How does her body compliment her face?
[BODY] “Gee Face, you look great today!”
If you actually mean she looks sexy, say so! You could try using alliteration or modern catch phrases that attract the attention of your audience; “Amanda comes from a hot spot with a hot body to match!”

It is better to use specific adjectives. Instead of “sweet” or (worse) “very sweet face” describe her attributes precisely; “Her youthful clear complexion and lean dancer’s figure…etc”

Be careful to say exactly what you mean…
Did you mean she was both fun AND loving, or did you mean she is fun-loving as in, “she loves to have fun?”

This sentence is wrong: “She is fun, loving, honest, unique, and aspiring model.”

It is wrong because of sentence structure. Here’s one way to fix it: “She is fun, loving, honest, and an aspiring model.” Here is another way to fix it: “She is a fun-loving aspiring model.”

However, you already told us she wanted to pursue modeling. How about this non-redundant statement; “Amanda is fun-loving and honest.”

“Unique”
Unique is often misused. It is most often misused by adding modifiers such as “very” or “extremely.” The root of unique is “uni” which means “one.” There are no degrees of one-ness. A thing (or person) is either unique or it is not.

You avoided that common error in your paragraph. Though it sounds like you’re treading near it. If you use the word unique, you should say why that person or thing is unique. If Amanda is unique, say how. If that word is just filler, remove it.

‘I think…”
What? Are you an expert or something? The reader can’t tell from your statement. It sounds like you are an opinionated fashion monger. Do we really care what “you think?” In informative writing, avoid opinions, unless you have credentials to back them up. If you do, then state your opinion about a specific thing with no ambiguity. It wouldn’t hurt to say where that opinion comes from either. “As a fashion photographer I believe she can be a successful model.”

“pull off”
Most of us have heard that expression “pull-off” meaning “to accomplish” and we know what it means in casual conversation. If you are writing script for yourself to speak during a TV show, that kind of casual phrase is probably OK. In writing though, it isn’t. I do not know you or the model, but I would easily understand a sentence like this;
“Amanda looks great in casual dress or formal wear.”
That’s clear and easier on the reader. She didn’t have to pull-off anything, especially a “look.”

It may be that you are a professional photographer or fashion designer. We (the readers) don’t know. We are left to guess who you are and why you are qualified to orate. The language you chose in that sentence indicates you are in some specialized fashion-related field, but only vaguely. The problem is, you limit your reading audience by using too much jargon in one sentence. Unless we are also “in the biz” we don’t get it or care.

One thing we do “get” however is her age. Most professional models start out much younger than twenty one. ( By the way, avoid numbers in writing if possible. Don’t be lazy. Type “twenty-one” not “21.” )

If at twenty-one she is “aspiring” to be a model, it is probably too late. If you were truly trying to help her career you would leave that information out. If you want to be perceived as a professional in fashion, you would shut up about her age. Mentioning her post-pubescent age with the words “aspiring model” only makes you look unprofessional. Stating an exact age is a preemptive measure adopted by pornographers.

Overall…
There is little technically wrong with your paragraph. It could be much clearer though. You could tell us exactly what details are interesting about the subject, Amanda. You could use precise adjectives and expunge nebulous “filler” words. You could explain who you are and why we should care about your opinion. As it is, we can’t tell if you are a professional photographer, a thinly veiled pornographer or a lisping hair-stylist.

Please accept these suggestions as they were intended; helpful advice.
As a reader, I do not know you or your subject. I do not know your audience or your purpose. Like any person reading that paragraph for the first time, all I can know is what you tell me. Having re-read it several times I can guess about your purpose, expertise and subject. An arresting yet informative first sentence would help. Then, depending on your motives, design supporting sentences to complete a picture, start a story, or declare intentions. If you are in a specialized field, you are allowed to use specialized lingo. You should limit jargon to one use per sentence and reinforce your authority to use it.
How about this…

“Amanda comes from hot-spot Tampa Florida with a hot bod to match. Her lithe dancer’s figure makes her look fantastic in anything from baggy-beach casual to classic formal evening gowns. Amanda’s youthful clear complexion and innocent smile makes her seem like the girl next door, but she is fun-loving and outspoken. As a professional fashion photographer, I think she will be a great model. This will be an exciting shoot!”

Best wishes and good luck to you both!