Need help before I sin more !!?

Question

My husband and I can't be intimate because of childhood abuse to him. He just isn't interested. We do love each other but I have been frustrated. I have gone to a 'bad' website and I feel really bad. I have prayed for help for this. But I still get the temptation. PLEASE HELP ME !!!!!!!!

Answer 1

I feel for you and for your husband. I understand the impact of a childhood experience. 42 years later, there are still some moments when I just burst into tears.

But, intimacy is part of marriage, and an important part. It sounds like he is struggling so much with his experiences, that he really needs to have some counseling. For your part, be willing to take things slowly with him. Let him guide you, and try to be satisfied with what he can give for now.

Perhaps it would be helpful for the two of you to read some good marriage/intimacy books that recognize the sacred nature of the sexual relationship between husband and wife. I remember a really good one - I believe it was called, "And they shall be one flesh." It may not be in print anymore. Here is one that looks like the same sort: "And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage Through Sexual Fulfillment," by Laura M. Brotherson. It's available on Amazon.

For me, keeping the purity of the marital relationship in mind has helped to overcome the guilt one in this situation feels, even when the fault belongs to someone else - someone older.

As for your own indiscretion, you are right to feel bad, but know that God loves you and that he is a forgiving God. Recognize that the website you went to is not going to help your relationship with your husband. If anything, it will do the opposite if you continue to go there and it will, more than likely, create unreal expectations for you within your marriage. Spend your energy working on your marriage instead. A good marriage takes work, but, it IS worth the effort!

Best wishes to you and to your husband.

Answer 2

Pink Rose, Your husband needs healing. Pray for him, and I also will. If you believe in God, ask God to help you resist temptation. You already feel guilty and it will get worse. Please don't go to those sites. There are bad spirits there.
If you ever need to talk, you can email me and I am also on yahoo. Email me and I will give you my screen name. I've gone over 20 years without because of abuse from men but I can't blame every man for what happened in my marriage. I chose to stay single and with out. God has helped me stay this way. Tell him you understand and pray for him. Love him in other ways. Sex is not want makes a marriage although it sure helps. In your condition just love him the best you can and be understanding, and pray. Ask God for wisdom, knowledge and understand on how you can please your husband. In time he will come around. I don't know you, so I don't know if this will help. Maybe we can talk some more in PM. Take care Hun. Shalom

Matthew 6:13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen.

Answer 3

Looking for intimacy outside of your marriage is, indeed, a bad idea. However, there are ways for you and your husband to be intimate without having intercourse. But try to realize that there are 2 issues here: his childhood abuse, and your feelings of loneliness re: intimacy. You cannot correct one without correcting the other. You need to help him seek counseling to deal with the past, and then he will be in a position to move forward with the present. In the meanwhile, understand that temptation will always be present in our lives and it's there to test our strength of faith. You have to make a conscious decision every single day that "today is mine, and I will not be overruled by temptation". One day at a time for you, just as it is with your husband. Good luck!

Answer 4

Pornography--Is It Just a Harmless Diversion?
http://watchtower.org/e/20020708a/article_01.htm

*The struggle to break free from pornography is often a very difficult battle. Dr. Victor Cline, who has treated hundreds of sex addicts, says:

"Promises don't work.
Good intentions mean nothing.
[A sex addict] literally cannot do this by himself."

According to Cline, a prerequisite to successful treatment is the involvement of the mate, if the person is married. He claims that "It goes faster if both are involved. Both are wounded. Both need help."*
http://watchtower.org/e/20020908a/article_01.htm

The Harm Pornography Causes
- The Damage to Young People
> The Effects on Relationships
> Spiritual Harm
- [Getting Help]*
> Breaking Free of the Pornography Habit
http://watchtower.org/e/20030722/article_03.htm

Comfort for Those With a "Stricken Spirit"
http://watchtower.org/library/w/1995/11/1a/article_01.htm

Answer 5

i answered something similar not to long ago, it might help you.

when you feel the urge try find something else to do that will occupy your mind, it could be a hobby,going for a walk or reading your bible prayerfully. or when you feel the urge go to your husband to talk or encourage him to walk with you,read the bible with you. this can be done when you have the urge but also at other times. when you pray be sure to ask god to reach your husband that he may overcome his fears and be able to move on. i am not sure if you have talked about this with him but let him know your concerns as often and as patiently as possible. it has been said "the family that prays together stays together". there are other ways like counselling that have been mentioned, whatever course needs to be taken may god bless you and enable you both to grow closer to him and to eachother. hope this helped.

Answer 6

Temptation isn't a sin. Not getting professional help would be foolish. If you love one another get help. I had similar issues in my own childhood. Help is out there. I wish you both well.

Answer 7

Your husband needs to be set free from whatever that is holding him back from intimacy with you. I suggest you go to a church where the leaders are full of and walking in the Spirit who can pray for your husband and deliver him out of his bondage. Then you both can enjoy the full relationship of any normal married couple.

Answer 8

You are sexually repressed . It is not a sin. Man third most
important function is to make love. God is not going to punish you even if you got to the site about 1000 times. You arent getting the sexual satisfaction so surfing such sites is perfectly fine . Don't get depressed and don't panic.Talk to your husband about his problem and also your problem ., work it out,

Answer 9

Both you and your husband needs to do meditation. He, to get rid of childhood abuse and you to stop you from adultry. You can search lot of counselling groups to help. Also visit gopaaldhussa.blogspot.com for Jose Silva method of meditation. It will certainly help you in psycological treatment. Take care

Answer 10

Get some real honest psychological help. ask your family doctor about this together. This is not something for preachers or churches. It is a psychological problem, and that makes it medical.

Note repeated! Get serious help this is not something for religious stupidity to mess with.
Stuff like what you see below my answer will only make things worse.