My husband and I have separate rooms.?

Question

We are very much in love. But he snores too loud and I toss and turn all night (I have left bruises on him). We have a normal life other than this and we are happy with the situation. But a pastor once told us that it wasn't normal and that he was praying for us to get back together. We like our own space and rooms. I usually go into his room before bedtime and we visit for a while. We are both christians. Thank you for your help.

Answer 1

Diane, I laughed out loud at your answer. That was hysterical!!

I too am a pastor, and I would opine that, given your particular circumstances, you should continue doing as you are currently doing. If it is working for you, sleep separately.

Which is worse, getting a good night's sleep in separate beds, or spending the night awake and injuring your husband with the occasional stray elbow?

Separate bedrooms does not mean no sex. It means sleeping separately. (By the way, even though it is part of our vernacular, sex and sleep are NOT the same). Also, who says the bedroom is the only place for sex?

Answer 2

It is not abnormal. There is nothing wrong with spouses sharing separate rooms. The important thing is that you and your spouse discuss this. If it is what works, then great, so long as everyone is happy. If one of you feels a resentment or a discomfort with the situation, then you need to talk it over or decide on something else. I get the impression that you are both fine and changing that would create problems. I would suggest that your pastoer is not praying for you in the right way and he likely looks at things as traditional being the only way to do something. It is wonderful that you have not let this keep you from spending time with himn or create a disruption for your lives.


By the way, if you are tossing and turning so hard that you can leave bruises, must be a pretty powerful woman.

Answer 3

Actually, I was gonna post the exact same question today! We sleep in separate rooms because of his snoring, too; plus the fact that we have an infant and I really cannot afford to sacrifice my sleep at night in order to be on my toes the next day. We are very happy otherwise and nothing else has changed in our relationship. Even the sex is still good - it's like going to each other's apartment for sex and then going home! :) I see no problem with this since the only time you're really being apart is while you're sleeping... how much bonding could you do in your sleep? I think it's healthy. Much better than being cranky towards each other over bruises and lack of sleep!

Answer 4

If you want to know the truth this is more normal than people want to admit. I clean homes for a living and over half my clientele have separate rooms for basically the same reasons as you have given. Reasons range from tossing and turning to snoring to menopause and difference in temperature of the room on wants a warm room one wants it cold at night these are couples who have been together for as much as 50 years and as little as a couple of years. People choose not to admit to it because of the theory that if you are married you share the bed. If sharing the bed is only going to cause you lack of sleep you are going to start to be irritable with each other and that's going to cause a strain on the marriage. You can have just as loving and good strong marriage sleeping in separate rooms. You are fine and as I said earlier you are normal the only thing that makes you different is you are willing to admit it openly unlike the many countless others who think themselves to be wrong for the same thing just because of what the public might think

Answer 5

Being normal isn't always the way to be.

If you are happy, and you feel that this situation doesn't harm the closeness of your relationship (sounds like it may even be helping, with lack of bruises & more sleep) then continue doing what you're doing.

Just because someone is a pastor, doesn't mean they can dictate to you how to live your life.

Answer 6

My parents have been happily married seeping in seperate rooms for upward of 20 years.. My father snores (it sounds like a bear fighting a chainsaw) my mother doesn't thrash but she talks in her sleep (she can hold a conversation while sleeping... I have done it with her lol)

My parents sex life is still active I know because I walked in on them a while back...

In my defense they were supposed to be out of town, I was watering plants and feeding animals while they were gone.. I went there the evening before they were supposed to get home and thier truck and trailer were not in the driveway so I assumed they were still gone... They had parked across the street in a large parking lot so they didn't have to unhook the trailer that evening.. I went in fed the dog and cat, I was waterig the plants when I heard a noise in the back of the house, I went to investigate thinking it was the cat who often gets tangled in things and makes noise getting free.. When I opened the door to my mother room there was dad's hiney.. I backed out and left a note which read "Animals fed, Plants watered, get a lock for the bedroom door."

My parents are religious people and find no problem with the sleeping arrangements, If sleeping in seperate rooms is working for you and your husband that's fine..

If the pastor makes another comment tell him to mind his own business instead of jumping in and jumping to incorrect conclusions regarding your business..

Many married people sleep in seperate rooms, beds, because of snoring, night thrashing, work schedules, etc.

Answer 7

I think it is totally fine. The Bible says to not deny each other your marriage relations without consent to both of you. Obviously you both have consent. Separate rooms does not mean no love. As long as you both are satisfied and love each other. What's the problem. Maybe the pastor didn't really understand your situation. What's the point of staying in the bed with him if you can't sleep?

Answer 8

I am afraid I do not see a question in your text however I will say that do what makes you two happy. No one can comprehend the dynamics of a marital relationship better than the two people involved. It is easy to make judgments about a married couple but only they themselves know just how happy they are. Your sleeping separately might scandalize some people but you are happy and that's what matters.

Answer 9

Pastors are only human men, they don't know everything.
We also sleep separately for the same reasons as you, and because my husband likes to sleep with our 3 little dogs, on the couch, I don't want the dogs in my bed.The closeness and intimacy does not have to happen only after lights out at bedtime, when we are both tired, and it does happen frequently.. Your pastor is doing you a disservice by telling you you are doing something wrong. For all you know his marriage is screwed up.
I wouldn't have ever mentioned to him about your sleeping arrangement, since it isn't a problem for you... Stay happy! and don't use his judgement, when your judgement is better for you.

Answer 10

If it works for you, whose business is it?

Perhaps if his snoring is too loud, though, he should go to a doctor about it. Sometimes loud snoring is an indication of something else.

Personally, I see nothing wrong with it. Sometimes if my husband's snoring keeps me awake, I sleep in the spare bedroom or on the couch.