How can I come to terms with the fact that my girlfriend is not a virgin?

Question

Ok, I am not a virgin, I had sex with one girl who was a virgin (or so she told me), now I am going out with another girl, she had sex with one man as well. We both have practically the same expierence, but for some reason, I cant accept that she is not a virgin. By the way, she doesnt know I care.

So the question is, what is it that makes me feel like this, is it that she is second hand to me, or that I feel she will compare me to previous boyfriend, what is it.

And how can I come to terms with it.

I know its wrong for me to be a hypocrite but I need help please, thank you.

My age is 18 if that changes anything.

Well, from someone elses answer, I kinda understand why now, someone else creamed her kooch and that grosses me the hell out, how can I get over the fact that some other guy creamed her? I think I have a homophobia or something because I can't get past the fact that some other guys weiner touched that same vagina...

Answer 1

i don't know why it bothers you so, would you like it if she thought this way as you? i think you two should talk about it together

Answer 2

I can understand what you mean. This is something you have to ask yourself. But from what you said, it sounds like you're not happy she isnt a virgin because you wanted to be the first guy, u wanted to feel special and you might be insecured what she might think of you when you make out. Not being sexist, but maybe it's the male ego. It would've been special if both of you were virgins, but you know there isnt anything you can do now. You also realize that you're sailing in the same boat as her, because you had lost yours too.
Don't worry about what she'd think of you because that's her past, and I don't think it matters to her anymore. You're her present now. And she may not tell you, but deep down inside, I'm sure she must be feeling the same insecurities you are feeling, if not more. It would help if you talk things out in the open and share your feelings with her. How about forgetting the past and start over...Your past needs to be forgotten nomatter how painful it is, or it would be difficult to move on. And unless you talk to her about it, it wouldnt be easy assuring yourself, cuz it might keep coming back. And do u realize that the fact that you care if she's a virgin or not probably means that you're serious about her long-term and probably might end up together for life, so that isnt so bad after all. You'll get over your insecurities. Wish you luck. - Jessie, counsellor ([e-mail])

Answer 3

Only you can answer that question. You probably know your reasons.. you just probably don´t know how to get rid of the bad feeling. If you talk to her about it, you should know that she´s going to call you a hypocrite... which is true. Why would you prefer that she be virgin? Maybe that help you to answer your own question.

My advice is, if she´s not what your looking for, break up with her and don´t torture her with your disappointment. If you want a virgin, find a virgin... but keep in mind that you youself are not a virgin and that could be disappointing to another girl. Also know that you could be missing out on a great relationship because you can´t put her past behind you. What does it really matter what she did before if the time you two are together now is great? You have to learn to let it go... In the long run, it´s not that important. You´re not perfect, and neither is she.

Answer 4

Well personally I do not think its a problem that you are going out with a girl who is not a virgin. She is a human being and she comes with a past and you have to accept that sooner or later. Now a days people around our age(i am 20) do not value being a virgin or waiting, etc, so you cant really expect that off of many girls. Guys are no different, I mean how low are the chances of finding a guy who is a virgin, I would personally like that since I am one myself but its not very likely. So its not right for you to be hypocritical about it because you gave yourself the right to do it and she has that same right. You shouldnt think of her as second hand, because technically that makes you second hand as well. You have to take a moment and put yourself in her shoes and see what you are expecting of her, imagine you were the one who had to stay a virgin but she could do what she wanted, doesnt sound too fair huh? But obviously the world we live in wont permit you to think that because you automatically may think well im the guy it doesnt work that way...etc. But yeah bottom line theres no problem with it, its who she is, and you have to accept it just like she would accept you for who you are. hope this helps a little bit :) take it easy

Answer 5

How would you feel is she were upset that you were not a virgin?

Quit being a hypocritical dope!

The fact that she has had sex with another person, as have you, does not change the fact that she is a good person that attracted your attention. She is the same person whether she is a virgin or if she has had many lovers. So get over it, or let her go so she can find someone who deserves her.

Doc

Answer 6

So.. you feel she's second hand to you.... and what are you to her then?.. you were not exactly praying when you had your experience, were you.
What makes you think it's different for her? Isn't it being selfish and chauvinist?.

Frankly, if that's the way you think, she's better off without you. Men don't change.. all women know that.

Be honest with her, leave her alone and allow her to find a man that really appreciates her for what she is, not for her hymen. And find yourself a virgin in the process. It's the best you can do.
.

Answer 7

My boyfriend feels the EXACT same way. He brings it up all the time, not purposely to make me feel bad, but it really does. He says he feels like I compare him to others, and have already done everything with previous boyfriends so he is nothing new. NOT TRUE! I don't think about those other guys, and just because I've had sex before, doesn't mean it's completely common and blah now; I still love it with him! I'm sure your girlfriend feels the same way.

If you do tell her, you have to take the blame off of her and just explain your thinking, so she won't feel guilty.

Answer 8

you can come to terms that your gf is not a virgin by accepting that you have NO control over anybody's sex life. none whatsoever. you cant accept she is not a virgin bc growing up you were given the message that girls should be pure and clean for the guy and if she is not a virgin she is flawed or dirty. reality check the pure and clean fairy tale is not always the case with girls. if you really like the girl you wont focus on just this one thing.

Answer 9

Just try to think about it from another perspective... will you compare her to your previous partner? Do you think she will see you as secondhand? Probably not, so why should you?

I understand where you're coming from here, it just means you really care about her because you want her to be yours and no one elses... the thought of her with another person wierds you out. Try to get past it... if you are going to be an adult you have to accept that fact that your partners wont be virgins and thats ok. It doesn't make them dirty or used and it doesn't mean they are comparing you to other men!

Answer 10

I wonder whether you have a very religious or repressed family upbringing . You seem to me rather immature for eighteen years old . Who told you that everyone has to be a virgin ? Unless girls are under 14 , virgins are very hard to find nowadays . If you are so concerned for girls virginity ; why is it alright for you to have sex with a virgin . At 18 you are not likely to marry your present girlfriend , so why worry . Why haven't you stayed with the girl whose virginity you stole ?

Answer 11

Its sounds like you are a douchebag. Just because your gf is a little sluty doesn't mean you get to act like a crybaby. So what if he satisfied her in ways you never can, you're with her now, not him. And just so you know, she may have told you she only slept with one dude, but I guarantee she's touched more than a few weiners she's not telling you about. Have a good night!