What should I do as a single parent raising two boys (5 and 3) with no father figure in their life?

Question

My husband and I got divorced in November and he doesn't have anything to do with the boys because he is angry with me. One day we had an argument and he said really ugly things about me in front of them. My oldest son said he wanted a new daddy who wasn't mean to his mother and ever since then their dad has used that as an excuse not to have a relationship with them. BTW we broke up because his mother controlled his life and advised him to leave me and "my kids" alone.

Answer 1

This very well may be a blessing in disguise, though it may not seem like it now. Don't worry about him or having any other man in your life right now. The best thing you can do is to support yourself and your children. Listen to them and love them with all of your heart. One day he may come around and see how foolish he is being, and if not.....OH WELL! At least your children will have you to stand strong for them.

Answer 2

If you can find the right guy to be your son's father why not as long as the guy can accept your 2 sons. Just make sure don't get a guy like your ex husband who looks like a mama's boy. Who knows somebody will come into your life again that will love your and your 2 son's lucky enough if the mother of the guy is a loving mom that's better. For the meantime if your kids can find a father image to your dad or other immediate relative like brother, uncles or cousin that will help.

Answer 3

First I am so sorry you find yourself in this situation. But I think in the long run you are better off. A "mother's boy" makes for a bad husband.

Do you go to church? A church family could be very supportive of you in your situation.

As the boys mature get them involved in things like little league. Boy Scouting. Do you like to fish? Or camp? Those are things you could do with them. Many a boy has been successfully raised by just a mom. Just remember not to make them so dependent on your that someday they would leave their own family because their mom doesn't like the wife.

You'll do fine....

Answer 4

Your ex is being a douche, but your kids need him. Call up your ex and ask him to see the boys. Yeah it will suck, yeah you would rather shove an ice pick under your toe nail but it's the right thing to do. If your ex won't cooperate then you will have to raise them on your own. don't introduce them to every guy you date. wait until you are really considering marriage and then introduce them a little at a time over several months. When they feel down about not having dad, don't try to sugar coat it. affirm that loss and comfort them, tell them how wonderful they are and how proud of them you are. this will help them cope without biasing them or giving them false ideas about how the world is.

Answer 5

First, don't try to be the mom and dad, just be mom. They will learn to respect you as the disciplinarian.
Second, get them into some events where there are good positive roll models for them like Boy's Clubs, Sports, most importantly Church that has a good youth department.

Helped me greatly. I'm 44; grew up in East Oakland and appreciate those men that helped me when my dad ran off. They made me a better person.

Answer 6

I even have been a unmarried mom for 13 years and the single difficulty that I choose i might have time-honored some time past whilst is how substantial consistancy is. bathe that youngster with love, and interest from an early age. once you're disenchanted with him, dont yell (and have faith me it incredibly is basic to do, haha) as a substitute clarify, or instruct him the way. I even have discovered with the aid of trial and blunder, elevating now 4 infants on my own that in case you yell alot they get this selective listening to form of difficulty and end paying interest. And yet another piece of advice is start administration so which you dont finally end up like me =0) You needless to say are off to any such great commence inspite of the shown fact that, the certainty which you're inquiring for suggestion shows how plenty you like that infant. he's blessed to have a mama such as you.

Answer 7

swallow your pride [even though you may be in the right] and call him ask him to come see the boys, and you stay out of it, ok? say nice things to the boys about him, please, they need their dad. Once he loved you, go not destroy these years, you can control this situation to a degree. send him father's day things. most of all do not throw this man away, THEY WILL ALWAYS NEED HIM AND WANT HIM.
first 5 years are the most important in a person's life.
you can do it for them, tell him you are sorry for what you said -[or did] and to come over at his convinience. start slowly, he loves them, but it's his pride. Don't prove his mother 'right', show him you are sweet, and you care about him. Be wise, woman. Think 10 years down the road. They'll need their dad more than you, then.

Answer 8

Make sure your two boys know you love them both by giving them affection, attention, enough to eat and that not all adult guys are mean. Keep them occupied in sports or other positive activities. Make sure you keep channels of communication open with your kids; sometimes boys will say that you don't understand cause you're a girl...;o)

Maybe one day you will meet a good man that will treat you the way you should be: with respect, love and admiration.

Good luck and take care.

Answer 9

unfortunately, having dad leave them alone, at least for right now is probably the best thing for them.

At age 3 and 5 they need only ONE thing. YOU. MOM. they can go without a lot of stuff, including a dad as long as Mom is loving and puts them first in her life.

Whatever you do, don't go looking for a substitute father AKA a new boyfriend. that would be the worst possible thing for them.

stay out of dad's way, make your own life and enjoy the boys. that's what's important

Answer 10

Your boys might have a confusion with their gender. In most cases like this, the boys wants a father-figure and If they would not have a father-figure they might want a man in their life when they get older. I've seen many cases of this already.