Women of Yahoo! Could you ever accept as a potential partner a man that has been intimate with same sex?

Question

I would like to know how many of you view me as available, knowing that I have been intimate with other men but have no liking for gay sex. What would it take for you to accept me?

P!ATD. Thank You.

Kia A: Wouldn't it be unforgiveable for me not to tell you? Though I have taken care, there are risks involved, surely?

Jason A: Similarly with your response. Surely a women has a right to know? Who queries this?

Starla C: I understand this viewpoint and that is why I have not allowed myself to approach women in recent years, but equally my experimentation has taught me who I am and am not. My sexual attraction is for women though I can find men physically attractive and am simply more at ease with other men. Nonetheless I need to know how I am perceived by women.

Caramelhoney2: How does that go again? Do it again for me! (Please!)

Babybeast: Please look at the answer above. At the very least I would expect you to want me to be tested for certain STDs. Does that really not concern you? Surely at some stage it would?

Sparky: I am pleased but surprised.

ME?: I confessed these things way back. People only had to look at my Q&As. I believe it is simply fair. I am known on here as a recluse. If a young man came to my bed tonight, I would wrap him in my arms but there would be no sex. I would not wish to be dishonest, with a woman I sought a relationship with, that I am that much at ease with other males. I do not wish to do this straight-acting thing but in myself, I do not identify as gay.

Kia A: I understand where you're coming from. I probably need advice from professionals as to what STDs I should be tested for. So far I only know I do not have HIV and was successfully vaccinated for Hepatitis A&B, but then I must be tested for C for which there is no vaccination and probably a lot of other things besides, to be sure. Some of the risks I did not understand until the intimacy had taken place. Terrence Higgins Trust regarded my situation as being a low level risk when I had my HIV test.

lil miss punk chick: Since I have turned nasty and spiteful on most of the men I was intimate with, I am in no position to comment. I defend the right of gay people to live their lives and make their choices but on a personal level, I was enacting the role of a submissive male with mostly older males. I then would later stop being submissive and be quite venomous at them because I felt rage at being objectified and was probably also raging at myself. Similarly I am very conscious that I too find younger men beautiful ,so to hate these old men is to hate myself I guess.

Blazing Mimi: I think you have the wrong end of the stick, Love. I have been intimate and am now asking if women would dismiss me out of hand because of my past.

Thank you all for your answers- and any yet to come. I am somewhat reassured that I am not in such a No-Mans-Land sexually speaking as I had at first thought. Goodnight to you all. X

monkeymoo: in simple terms I was lonely and in need of affection. You have to understand that I held in all my sexual feeling to age of 23 and then the whole issue came out in a big rush, all jumbled up. I'm now 34 so have been untangling it for the last 11 years. Initially though, I just craved a human touch and realised I was attractive to men at a time when I had begun to think myself unattractive to women. As has been said, I am still not sufficiently sorted in my head to just dive into a relationship with a woman, even if she were happy for me to do so.

maddie: I understand where you're coming from. As a long term recluse I would have to ask myself if I am suited to a relationship with a woman. Any contact I had with a man would not be a sexual relationship, that much I do know. As I have no experience of relationships, how could I possibly say if I could succeed at being faithful: such words are easy to say but harder to carry out.

paparoachscars1: There isn't exactly a definitive test for gayness is there. All I know is that I do not want to have sex with men although I am comfortable cuddling up to other men. Fact is, most gay men want more than that, don't they? Also hard to judge as my only experience of sex with women is in brothels (another confession) and I have never made love to a woman I had feelings for.

Liza P: So far as actual sex goes, I have had penetrative sex with one man and three times with female prostitutes. There have however been other instances of intimacy that were not full sex. On one occasion I received unprotected oral sex from a transexual male, aside from which all sex was protected sex. I have had one undeniable very strong crush on a younger man 4 years ago which took me by surprise. I have never tried to deny the feelings I have but I have had plenty of crushes on women also although I do not believe I have yet experienced LOVE with either man or woman. Essential question is, could I be bisexual when I lack any appetite for gay sex?..and I don't know the answer to that question.

Answer 1

If you were totally & completly over your feelings & desires for a man & it would depend on how many men. If it was 50, NO but I wouldn't be with a guy whose been with 50 women either. Everyone has a past, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Whether it be sexual or something else. I just saw your added comment that you would wrap your arms around a man tonight. If you have feelings for men, don't hide it, be gay & be proud

Answer 2

Sure! Of course before you are intimate you will need a clean bill of health. Today unprotected sex can mean a death sentence. But beginning 20 years ago with the sexual revolution people began experimenting and many are/were curious, think they may be gay etc. Don't hold it against him. Perhaps he was jsut confused or he is truly a bisexual. You did say potential so you are not thinking of jsut jumping in the sack w/him. I take it yo are going to get to know him, become friends and really like each other before giving to chemistry. Before you do the big deed think about it long and hard and if you don't fall in love with him do not risk your life.

Answer 3

Everyone has had a past, but some things don't need to be said.

Edit:

Tobermory, my intent is NOT to be deceitful. My thinking is that you run a risk of scaring someone off who may have been an ideal partner for you otherwise. As long as you are clean (not sick) and not in danger of a future relapse... why bring it up and ruin a potential good thing? Maybe once the relationship is established, it might be OK.

We've all done things we're not proud of. As long as it's past and has no recurring implications... it doesn't need to be said. At least not until you have gained trust and intimacy, the kind of love that something like this won't kill.

It truly would not matter to me if I loved you for all the other reasons one person loves another. But it could make many women apprehensive if it becomes known prematurely.

P.S. I'm openly bi, but I've tried to answer this objectively.

Answer 4

i think there would be tremendous trust issues and fears... plus, the health scares that are so prevalent today among the homosexual community would be a big turn off, too.... not to say that these are not things that couldn't be worked through, it would be extremely difficult and definitely take a lot of time! peace for your journey and good luck!!!

Answer 5

Why would you need to tell your partner about your past sexual history? If you don't have STI's or children from previous sexual encounters and practice sexual exclusivity, then what you did in your past is irrelevant. If you do feel the need to tell your girlfriends about sexual experimentation with men, wait until you are in a steady relationship.

Answer 6

Why have you *been intimate with other men* if you *have no liking for gay sex*?

It sounds as though you've had some kind of bigtime problem, so why would anyone penalise you for that?

Answer 7

i think that it is just messed up if some one says that it wrong if u like guys so be it i mean come on ppl its like saying a white girl cant date a blk guy its just wrong y do ppl think that just cause some1 is gay bi or bi-curious that they r total freaks im sick and tire of my friends getting made fun of im stright but i do have gay/lesbian friends and i think its just out and out messed up that some 1 can insult them for being in love.

Answer 8

Personally for me it would be a no, i'm sorry if this would be judgemental but its a personal thing but hey, when you fall madly in love i guess you'll accept the person including their past! good luck! :o)

Answer 9

I think women could live with that.

Their friends will look at you sideways though.

Answer 10

I'm not sure... I couldnt trust that you really arent gay.