I stay home cause I go to college and it is easier for me to survive, but I want to leave and feel like I should cause my parents fight all the time. Most of the time it is just loud nasty arguments, but today it got physical and I had to break it up. I thought my father was going to kill her. A couple of times I almost got hurt. I don't know what to do, they have been together 29 years and this is something that no matter how often you see it you can't get used to it. I don't want to see it, I don't want to live it, I just don't know what to do. I have siblings but they can't do anything, they are younger then me. I can't really tell my friends and family too ashamed. Any suggestions?
2007-06-10 12:24:32 · 7 answers · asked by Exhausted 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The youngest of us (the kids is 16), I suggested that my mother leave him, but she has been with him so long it is like a Lifetime movie where she feels she can't do anything without him and it will take him leaving. I can't and don't want to talk to him because I am finding it increasingly difficult to respect him after hitting on a women and then on the other hand telling me that he would kill a man if he ever put his hands on me.
2007-06-10 12:41:48 · update #1
I can totally relate. My parents, who have been married for thirty-two years, terrorized us kids with their (frequent) physical fights and loud verbally abusive arguments. They refused to divorce, saying that it was for our sake. Ironically, I spent my entire childhood wishing they would split up.
Calling the cops may piss your parents off (like it did mine) but if your father is that violent and you are almost getting hurt breaking up the fight, a crime is being committed in your house. You need to contact the authorities.
You could also figure out a way to move out. Try finding a roommate to go in halves with you for an apartment or try to get on-campus housing. A boarding house is another good option. Not only will you be away from the drama, you will be able to provide a safe haven for your siblings as well.
Three, research shelters for battered women and children in your area. Make sure the information is accessible the next time this happens. Your mother may not be aware of her options.
Four, tell someone what's going on at home. I personally know how embarrassing that is but abusers gain power by isolating their victims and their supporters. My advice? Try to find a therapist that specializes in this problem. A therapist could help you get stuff off your chest but will not gossip about you.
Good luck.
2007-06-10 12:50:04 · answer #1 · answered by e_d_ellis2004 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a lot of choices. First, what I would do is talk to my parents and tell them how embarassing and wrong it is for you and your sibling to see them behave that way! Second, tell them if the physical part happens again you will call the police etc. You will have too, you have no choice because you don't want anyone to get hurt- tell them that! Find out what it is that they are arguing about and suggest that they get help from church or professional counseling. Third, if things don't change you at least need to talk to your grandparents about the situation, maybe grandma or granddad can solve the problem since they have more experience at living through tough times than the young folks.
Fourth , remind your family that there are families all across this country that have problems but despite the problems,financial whatever...the love you have for each other is the greatest thing- and it has been written that love never fails. Stay strong! You are very brave!
2007-06-10 19:44:50 · answer #2 · answered by cal1 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is a very hard situation for you. I would call an abuse hotline and ask them for help. I know it would be cheaper to live at home with the abuse than to move on your own, but isn't that what you say your mom is doing? It is not safe for you to be in that house either. Be careful not to accept this as okay and then get into a relationship that does the same thing. Find professional help. You can probably find it on a sliding scale since you are a college student. Take care of you first, then your mom and siblings. Kind of like when you are in an airplane that is having trouble. They tell you to put the mask on first then help others. You can't help them until you help yourself first.
2007-06-10 20:10:12 · answer #3 · answered by Happy2Bspoiled 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When your parents are calm try to talk to them and tell them how their behavior makes you feel. It's important that you talk about your feelings because they need to understand the affect they're having on their kids. 29 years is a long time for a couple to be together. There are a lot of built up frustrations that they're starting to let out. Unfortunately, they're doing it in a destructive way.
If possilbe, try to talk them into getting some kind of counseling so they can at least learn how to talk to each other. They are the only ones who can change the way they behave. You can't do it for them. I know it's exhausting to have to deal with it. Hopefully if you can point out to them the negative affect they're having on the rest of the family, they may at least look for a better alternative to address their issues. My prayers are with you and your family.
2007-06-10 19:40:18 · answer #4 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOUR mom and dad have to figure something out, without fights and arguments... you cant rele do anything but Call child services or the police...you and your siblings cant be living under these conditions...
2007-06-10 19:31:38 · answer #5 · answered by SomVietKid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sit those parents down and tell them, they should act like adults... perhaps counselling, and perhaps divorce but either way, this is NO way for them to act
2007-06-10 19:29:19 · answer #6 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest you stay out of the way.
2007-06-10 19:31:54 · answer #7 · answered by charliecizarny 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋