I have a secret...abusive boyfriend.?

Question

I've been with him for five years, by all means we have fights, but we have grown up together and been through a lot to get where we are. Maybe I've ignored it but the last two years our fights have gotten violent i can name over ten times where he's physically pushed me shoved me grabbed me etc. We were on vacation last Christmas and I was upset over something and he just snapped and grabbed my hair held my head and socked me repititively and then followed me around and stood over me. I don't like who I've become, I feel so ashamed. he doesnt think it's okay for me to bring it up all the time and told me not tell his friends. Everyone thinks he's a wonderful boyfriend and I'm the psychotic girlfriend. He never seems to deal with the problems we have and insteads chooses to believe I'm the probIem. I had my final wake up call yesterday... he shoved me out of his car bruised my arms pulled my hair and threw my things out, before my mom's birthday dinner..I don't know what to do..

Our problems are never that big of a deal, but the way who chooses to make me the problem and hurt me with yelling and pulling me is the biggest problem. I'm scared to ask for my house keys back.

Answer 1

break up with him, report abuse, get a restraining order. change the locks, move.

Answer 2

You seriously can't stay with him!!! contact the police if your scared or intimidated by him and what he might do if you ask for your keys, you can file for a restraining order or if you really want to play it safe and be sure he wont sneak into your house or anything call a locksmith and get the locks on your doors changed, there is no reason to tell anyone that you are going to do it ahead of time, if he finds out that you have been telling people he may get more aggitated, if he works you could pack up his stuff and have a locksmith come from the time he leaves so that the doors will be changed and his things packed by the time he gets home, dont hide it anymore! In 9/10 cases repeated abusers end up getting more agressive and violent with time so get him out as soon as possible! Good luck and act quickly!

Answer 3

I am sorry to say this, but you have to get your act together, get control of your life and MOVE immediately! He is a manipulative man, and he has already shown his true colors.

Love is good and kind; and his attitude and actions have SHOWN you he is NOT a nice person. Any man who hits or physically or mentally abuses another person is not healthy and needs help.

This will not get any better. Trust his actions , NOT HIS WORDS. Talk is cheap....Get out and get help from your family and friends. Thank God you are not married ---I also hope you don't have children who see this going on !!!


Get out now, before you get seriously hurt...! Many women who think this kind of behaviour is normal or just a phase end up in the hospital- or dead...! THIS IS NOT A JOKE !

The fact he has told you to keep quiet is because he KNOWS what he is doing is WRONG...! If you don't seek help soon, you will be in more danger...So call your family today and start packing !!!
Good luck....Take care of yourself....! He is an adult- he has to deal with his problems and not punish you for his issues.

Answer 4

Girl....I know what it is. I've got the same thing. Dump him!!!! I'm about to dump mine! You can do so much better. Noone has the right to push you around! Stand up for yourself and get a new man!!!! It's only right for yourself! You never know when the next episode will be and you don't need to live like that. My boyfriend choked me when I wouldn't get an abortion. Unfortunately I stayed with him..because I thought he was just abnormally stressed at the time...he said he would never lay a hand on me again...but just the other day he shoved me into the bathtub and I hae bruises all over my back...not once did he even apologize. Girl...we can do so much better. Build up your confidence by being around ppl who love and support you. Get their support and encouragement to do what you know you need to do.! Hope this helps. I really do understand the difficulty you're in!

Answer 5

It's time to end it. But when you end it, you need to be serious about it, because there is no turning back. Men who are controlling will look for weakness and try to exploit that. If you even suggest that you would consider taking him back, he may try to manipulate the situation. This could also lead to even worse assault, such as sexual assault or abuse worthy of an emergency room visit.

You mentioned that most people think he's wonderful... are we talking about his friends? Because you need to find yourself a support system through this, first of all. If you have any close family members, tell them what happened, seek their support. If you don't have a support system like that, look for your local battered women's shelter for a resources. (If you don't know where one is, seek the yellow pages, or email me your hometown/state and i can get it for you.) They may have a staff member willing to act as an advocate for you through anything you may need to go through, such as a restraining order if he threatens you, or pressing charges for the abuse. I know pressing charges against a loved one can be tough, but if you do not show him that you are serious and have some leverage, he may become possessive and try to hurt you for taking action against him. Plus, if he is forced by the courts to serve a few weeks or take anger management courses, it could prevent some poor woman who gets in a relationship with him later in life from being abused as well.

Men who are controlling will find things to do to retaliate against you. I would suggest that you not break up with him to his face, but over the phone or through an email (email is nice, because then you can't go back on your words or have him exploit your weaknesses.) Change all of your passwords, pack up your valuables, and stay with a relative outside of your hometown for a few days, because you never know if this will push him over his edge. If he seems like he might hurt you, because he is constantly calling, leaving messages, and threatening you, bring any evidence you can (including your phone with the voicemail) to your local police, so you have proof when it is time to press charges.

Don't ever let him tell you this is your fault. There is no excuse for physically abusing anyone. People do not change very easily, so don't stick around thinking that things will get better. They won't. If you even pretend like this is something to put up with, he will only take it further.

If you need more help, call the national domestic violence hotline at : 1-800-799-SAFE . They will definitely help you out, and won't force you to do anything you don't want to do

Answer 6

change your locks, it's not that hard any hardware store will tell u or ask a neighbor for help. break-up with him in a public place or over the safety of a phone (in which case make sure to mention that u're doin it over the phone b/c u fear for your saftey) u're time w/ him is up, if he hits u he doesn't respect u, and make sure u tell someone what is goin on, family friend, just in case of a worse situaiton someone has the heads up

Answer 7

You need to dump him. Change your locks, your phone number if you have to. NO ONE deserves to be put through the abuse he has. I believe you should have dumped him out on the curb a long time ago. He needs help, and you need to break up with him. None of this is your fault, it is his problem. I'm sorry about everything you've had to put up with, and good luck.

Answer 8

This is easy. BREAK UP WITH THIS LOSER. Get a restraining order if you're really afraid he will become violent. This is a toxic relationship. Get out of it and stay away from him for a while.

Answer 9

Everyone will tell you to get out of this relationship NOW. Don't wait until he hurts you any more. Dump him now. He has no self-respect (and you aren't showing any either). If he has no insight, why should he develop it now? There is no excuse for domestic violence. Ever seen that bumper sticker before? No justification, no excuse. Period.

Answer 10

thats horrible. you need to bring someone with you that you trust to get your keys back. bring family with you so that if he does something they will be there for you, and then they will understand what is going on and be able to protect you if he does something again the future. you cant stay with someone like that, there are so much better people in the world

Answer 11

i know tellin u 2 leave him wud b ez said den done but if he wont try to hear u and if he luvs u den he should not b doing all dat 2 u. try to leave him becuz if u dun den mayb all dat shoving and grabbin will turn into something dat will kill u. think about ur life and find a way out. trust me 5 years of datin is not worth stayin wit him. good luck!