My daughter will be a high school senior (we are American) and she was an exchange student in Latin America and is bilingual. 4 months ago she met a "23-year-old" man on a penpal site, but, I have heard his voice and it sounds much older, and his choice of music seems more for older men (tango), and claims he is in college for Engineering, yet, he knows no English at all. He has sent one grainy photo that you can't see his face, he has no webcam, he has sent no photos any other way, yet says he has traveled to Brazil and other South American countries. My daughter is a romantic and wants to study abroad in Spain to be near him (she has not had sex yet), and she is an honor student. Is it normal not having a webcam in Spain, to still be in college at 23 and not know any English at all? Why does he not send photos, or borrow a webcam at a friend's house, and doesn't like "younger" music (raggeton, pop, rock,) She believes him but I don't. I fear for her & appreciate feedback. Help
2007-06-10 08:38:23 · 15 answers · asked by Isabella 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I dont think you need anyone else's advice. Take your own. Your gut instinct is telling you that something is not right here. Your daughter to my understanding is still a minor. It is your right as a parent to protect her. That is a big age gap, if I may say so myself. He could be who he says. Some people don't like the music that is popular with the other people their ages. Maybe the things that you are making a big deal do not matter to him. If he likes your daughter maybe he feels the communication is enough. All of this could be explained and then again, maybe not.
Do you know his name? Set him up. Open a new email account and you chat with him yourself. That way you will know for sure.
Or get his name and contact authorities overseas and ask them if he is wanted. There are many things you can do, but taking care of your daughter and making sure she is safe is the first and utmost thing you should be doing. She sounds like a good girl.
If you do one of the above mentioned things, you can put yourself at ease.
2007-06-10 08:50:08 · answer #1 · answered by supersweetfungal 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You really shouldn't even be asking these questions as your daughter is only 17. Either way, if he wasn't just a predator he would find a way to set your mind at ease. Since he can't or won't, you are right to worry.
Any 23 year old student in Spain has a good working knowledge of English, especially an engineering student. He would be fully computer savvy with an ability to send good pictures. He doesn't sound like what he claims.
2007-06-10 08:47:05 · answer #2 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't trust it. You should never trust what you can't see for yourself. It is very scary out there. The odds of him not knowing any English are thin, being that almost all countries can take English for a second language. It seems like this man has no education at all. However, I listen to old music and I am still young. It's just his preference, it doesn't mean he is lying about his age. But from the other things you have said, I would either go to meet him WITH your daughter in a public place or just explain to your daughter what you are nervous about and hopefully she will forget about him.
2007-06-10 08:43:53 · answer #3 · answered by Dylan Eve 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Listen to your instincts.
This guy sounds like a predator. She doesn't have any clear photos of him, he sounds much older, & he doesn't speak english when he is in a position where he should.
Tell her that she needs to demand more photos of him & he should show his face on a webcam. You need to find some stories on the net about girls getting tricked by predators to show her how similar her story is. I'd also invest in the money to hire an investigator to find out exactly who this guy is. If you can show her hard evidence that he's not who he says he is, then that would be best. Sometimes that's what it takes.
Do you know anyone else who speaks spanish? Get his phone # from your daughter & get them to talk to him. If he starts getting nasty or evasive, then point out to your daughter that any proper boyfriend would never act like that towards her parent, especially in a culture where family is VERY important. You may even want to talk to her spanish teacher & get him/her to give her a wake-up call or to talk to this guy. This could save your daughter's life & keep her from getting raped.
2007-06-12 03:03:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS. All of the other things that you listed, when considered independently, don't really prove anything but not having a photo is a big red flag. Spain is far from being a third world country and A photo is easily attained by a camera phone, a friend's camera phone, photo booth in the mall, tourist photographer, scan of an old photo, digital camera... I'm sure his college has a resource center or photography department and he could have his photo taken. Not proving how one looks is a big red flag.
2007-06-10 08:47:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
he sounds weird, and even if he is who he says he is, I still think that's extremely creepy that he is this into a girl online who he has never met before and who lives thousands of miles away....I'm 18 and have actually been to spain before where I stayed with a host family, my host sister was 13 at the time and we were able to communicate with eachother in english, not saying everyone there knows english because they didnt, but im just saying if a 13 year old knows english I might wonder why a 23 year old has never studied any english....personally i would never want to talk to some random person online and if i was a mother i wouldnt want me daughter talking to someone either....and i definitly wouldnt let her travel to a foreign country just for him.
2007-06-10 08:43:30 · answer #6 · answered by Melanie 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She is 17, you are the parent, cut off the relationship. This guy sounds questionable and that is enough to go on. There are plenty of sites and articles out there about the nice guy really being a rapist and murderer.
Let her be romantic but not based on an internet penpal or other internet site.
2007-06-10 08:44:16 · answer #7 · answered by microbioguy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well while you control the purse strings you have all the power.... to keep her from going to Spain.
We had a Spanish f/e student and his favorite music was 50's/60's. Neither of his parents spoke English, they are educated, his father a mathematics teacher his mother a nurse. So Not to speak English is no big deal.
I would demand better photos of him. Maybe develop some Engineering questions for him to answer. Ones that would not be particularly easy ....... Not everyone have web cams in the US... so why would it not be uncommon to not have one in Spain.
All that being said, go with your gut instinct....
2007-06-10 08:47:13 · answer #8 · answered by ♥♥The Queen Has Spoken♥♥ 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is definatly possible that a 23 y/ocollege student in spain would not speak english and would like tango and not reggaeton ect.
It is shady that he can't get a web cam even at a friends or an internet cafe...
He is either older or ashamed of the way he looks.
2007-06-10 08:46:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sounds a little suspicious to me. Ask her to ask him to send more pictures, and be really cautious around personal information. If she goes to see him, make sure she's with a group of people when meeting for the first time. Of course, don't make any accusations, but with all the scary things you hear about internet predators, you can never be too safe!
2007-06-10 08:43:12 · answer #10 · answered by Oneofthesedays 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋