How can I comfort parents who had a son commit suicide?

Question

Are there any Bible passages that deal with this in a way that would help the parents? Its so hard to know what to say.

The son was an adult, living in a different state, and their only child. I didn't know him, but we know the parents through my husbands work. Thank you everyone for your kind words here.

Answer 1

I fully believe it is possible for some one to be saved through believing in Jesus and yet still make the sinful mistake of committing suicide, so I DON'T believe as some do that all who commit suicide are damned to hell.

However, this child may or may not have been saved, so I think it's best to steer clear of that issue unless the parents bring it up. You could always pray that the child made a last-minute decision for Christ, even though he still made a fatal mistake in the midst of his emotional pain.

I think the most helpful thing you can do is not quote Scripture necessarily, but to pray for this couple, and pray with them if they are open to it. Pray for God to speak to their hearts and heal their grief and help them in their day-to-day lives. You might use some verses out of the Psalms, not to address the issue of suicide, but to address the issue of finding comfort in God even when one is in pain and life doesn't make sense.

When you lose some one you love, there isn't any theological argument good enough to "make it all better," unless God anoints a specific word for them. When you're grieving, all that matters is that the one you loved is gone. There is no answer to that. Even if you have the hope of seeing that person again one day in heaven, there's a whole lot of missing them between here and there.

Pray for God's direction in what these parents need. Sometimes what people need is not attempted answers and explanations but simply the presence of a friend. They may want to talk about their son and their emotions, or they may need to leave that pain alone for awhile, if it is too raw and fresh a wound to touch upon--they may need some one to simply be with them.

Have you ever heard the country song, "Praying for Daylight?" It's about a man whose love has left him, but the emotional pain the song expresses can be true for many different types of loss. Sometimes people need to talk, and sometimes they just need to be with some one who cares about them. Ordinary activities can have extra significance in times of trial. A simple smile or kind word can be a lifeline.

Everyone grieves differently. Don't put expectations on them. You can comfort them by letting them be themselves and letting them be honest. Hold them if they cry, listen to them when they talk, get them out of the house when they are open to doing something with you, pray for them, pray with them if they welcome that.

Pray that whatever missteps you might inadvertently make in what you say or do would be redeemed by God for His purposes. Don't let the fear of being imperfect hold you back from trying to bring some of God's love to these parents.

Why people die when they do, why God allows certain things to happen, these are subjects which countless books have been written about, but the bottom line is we don't understand it, but "take your pain to God because He loves you and He is trustworthy even when it seems like there is evidence to the contrary." He loves each of them and their son more than any human being ever loved another.

But don't try to force the parents to a level of trust in God they may not be emotionally ready for. Just be their friend, and bring God's love to them in the best way you know how. Have faith that God can use you to bless them even in their grief.

And may God bless you!

Answer 2

I went through this when my brother took his life. My parents were devastated, as was I. There really isn't much you can say to them. Just be there and listen when they want to talk. It may not be now, but when they're ready to talk about it, be there for them to listen.

Comfort from the Bible dealing with suicide is general comfort. The only one I can think of right now is Sampson...after everything, sinning with Delilah's, and finally being chained to the pillars, he prays, is redeemed, and brings down the temple, killing himself and the enemies of the true God.

God knows our hearts, and He alone knows the pain and hopelessness that drives someone to take their life. We know that God is Love, and in this Love and grand compassion He holds all those heartbroken people who in a moment of wrong thinking choose as their only option, death.
I'm confident that in the resurrection I will again be reunited with my brother, and that is the hope I would share with these heart-sick friends and parents.

Please don't tell them he is at peace, or that it was part of some 'plan'. Comments such as this are not welcomed, and completely thoughtless. Suggesting at this time that they get into a support group will fall upon deaf ears. It's too soon. It should also be a family member to suggest this, not someone who was not very close to the family. Some won't be ready for this, some won't need it, and others won't want it. All you can do is wait, and take your lead from them. Let THEM decide what the next step is.

Answer 3

I doubt anything you say to them, from the bible or anywhere else for that matter, will be of true consolation to them. It is bad enough that any parent should lose a child, but to suicide it must be even worse.
Unless they are particularly devout in their religion, nothing will particularly help especially in light of the fact that suicide is not well looked upon by the scriptures.
I would tend to focus them on what was the best of the boy and memories of more joyous and happy times with him.
They are facing a long road of self recrimination, pain and anguish. Anything that sounds like a platitude will only make matters worse.
If they are religious people they will deal with that aspect on a person level in the own time.
Anything said in the face of the ultimate personal tragedy (this is the worse loss they could face) tends to sound hollow and trite.
Someone needs to be there for them, but they will need their own space. At those times, watching from a short distance is better. Far enough so they have space, but close enough so they still know someone is around.
Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 4

The best thing you can do is just be there and don't ask if you can do anything, if you see something that needs done and you feel comfortable around them then just do it.
But the main thing is just be there.
Psalm 46:1 GOD is our Refuge and Strength, a very present and well-proved help in trouble,
2. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains be shaken into the midst of the seas.


7. The LORD of hosts is with us: the GOD of Jacob is our Refuge (our Fortress and High Tower). Selah [pause and think about that]

This is taken from the Amplified Bible.

Answer 5

I have sons and I cannot imagine that anything anyone could say would be able to help. The pain they are in must be beyond our imagining. Just be there. Just sitting quietly and letting them talk about him would be comforting as so often people don't know what to say or do and so they stay away. Just sit with them and be their friend. As a Pagan I know that their son is Home and safe. I hope that somewhere along the way, they can believe that too.

Answer 6

Believe it or not, bible passages are probably not the best thing right now. The best approach in these matters is usually a silent one. Body language can be a very powerful and symbolic gesture in a way that words can never be. Just be there for them if they need you. Send a card later with some flowers.

Answer 7

I am so sorry for these parents and anyone who knew there son. suicide is such a terrible thing to deal with.
I do not know of nay comforting bible passages in this instance, but I am sure just you being there for them will help.
A parent would probably feel a lot of guilt in this situation, thinking they must have done something wrong etc... (and no I am not saying they are to blame, but often they feel this way)

Reminding them that they are not at fault might help, and really just being there for them.

Answer 8

HOW TERRIBLE, how absolutely terrible..
My son had a dear friend do this last year...I didn't even know him, and I was upset...Maybe that was because, I had to deal with my son and HIS feelings about it...
He was really mad at this guy for doing this..I really understand the feelings because I am a RN, and I have seen many people die...
Psalms:46
Psalms:86
Psalms:103
Psalms:136
all of these Psalms are for helping someone out, maybe even you...Just be there for them,
because this is truly a very hard time for
everyone..God Bless You...and the family you are trying to help...you really have a
good heart, to do something like this.

Answer 9

Suicide is, of course, the ultimate act of violence against one's own self. It is truly an illness -- not a sin. One cannot imagine the depths of mental and emotional pain -- even anguish -- that he must have gone through in the days leading up to this terrible act. Reassure the parents that they did nothing wrong....it is NOT their fault. Be very compassionate and reassure them that their son has NOT gone to hell. Help them to find a support group. Ask whether there is anything that can be done to remember his goodness. Start a scholarship in his name. Donate to a cause that he would approve of. What did their son mean to you? Share that with them. Remind them that all of our lives are a mystery. His immense suffering is over and he has gone to the Healer of all healers.

Answer 10

I have a acquaintance who lost their son to suicide. I found it was helpful to send "thinking of you" cards on random occasions. They might not be up to visitation quite so soon. But as time goes on, call before dropping by, take a bottle of wine and some artisan bread with a flavored cheese. Enjoy the food and drink and talk...let them talk about their son. Celebrate his life. I have an older friend who lost a daughter to cancer at an early age(in her 40's). The daughter was only about 4 years older than I am(I'm 50+). Every year, for about 5 years, I would send her mother a "Thinking of you" card on the day her daughter died. She called me, crying, to thank me, for remembering .