I can never keep any friends. How do I solve this problem?

Question

I live in Chicago, and I've graduated from a public high school with nearly 3,000 students in it two weeks ago. I've been there for 4 years. During that whole time, I've met lots of people, but none of those interactions became friendships. I mean *none*. It seems like the more people get to know me, the more they converse with me, the more distant they become with me. I'm not a shy person, either. I will not hesitate to ask someone a question or for them to lend me a pencil. I share food when people I hardly know ask for it. But I have no friends. When I walked the stage during graduation, in total silence (when literally every other single person was applauded and loudly cheered for), not only did it make me happier to leave that school, but it confirmed the fact that something is wrong with me. Let's say you were someone I met in a class - what would cause you to NOT want to pursue a friendship with me? This same thing also happens outside of school.

Now that I'm off to college, I want to completely re-invent myself. I don't want to carry this problem with me throughout my life.

Please don't tell me to just be myself, or that it's THEIR problem. If I can't make a single friend out of 3,000 people, (and I am being myself) something is wrong.

Answer 1

Of course, it's impossible for us to know, never having met you.

Maybe you're too pushy. Try toning it down a bit at first.

What sorts of questions are you asking people? If they're personal, then that's part of the problem.

Friendships take time.

If you seem needy, or are too talkative, that would keep people away.

When you get to college, they will have services, such as peer counseling. You could go to them and talk about this.

Talking to a professional therapist is also something to consider.

Answer 2

Okay to whoever answered first it's kind of hard to get married since a marrige (excluding mail-order bride) is based on FRIENDSHIP! So you say by being yourself it gets you no friends well than IT IS their problem. However maybe some of the things you do aren't a good thing. There are always people looking for friendship. If you have a bad history of not keeping secrets and ect. try harder to do some of those traits that people want in any relationship. When in college if you live in a form or roomate then this may help try to connect with that person. Good Luck

Answer 3

First, I applaud you for bringing up this issue. It couldn't have been easy for you. That said, now let's work on the problem. You realize, of course, that it's difficult for any of us to pinpoint exactly what the problem is (if, in fact, there is a "problem") because we only have your comment to go on. In other words, we can't hear the inflection in your voice, or the sarcasm (if there's any) or the sincerity (if there's any of that). We only have your words above. But let's start with that.

For an individual to not make friends (when given 3,000 opportunities) might mean that the person needs to get a real glimpse of how others view them. You mentioned that you don't hesitate to ask questions. Does this apply to people you've just met, or just people you've known for quite some time? In other words, it really isn't social protocol to familiarize yourself with folks too well, when you've only just met them.

Also, might it be the tone of your voice that pushes people away? You might want to pay close attention to HOW you address people. But the absolute best way to check yourself and get a sincere opinion of what others think of you is (...and here's the really hard part...) ASK SOMEONE WHO KNOWS YOU WELL. It won't be easy. You might hear some things that will hurt you, but you seem like a person who really wants to be made over--and only someone who knows you well (NOT your parents!) can give you an honest answer.

I'm sure in the high school you attended there was AT LEAST one teacher or counselor you felt was a fair and open-minded person. Go see that person. Express to them just what you've told all of us...and I can guarantee that (1) that person will admire your openness; and (2) you'll find the answers your looking for.

I want to sincerely say that you are to be commended. You know the path you want to go, and are willing to face difficult challenges to see it to the end. Most of us never think that far ahead, so you'll get some "forget about 'em and be yourself" types of responses. That might work for them (although I can't imagine anyone not trying to improve the person that they can be--but ok, whatever). This is about YOU, and YOU'RE not happy, and that makes all the difference.

You're on the right path...stay there and see it through to its end and I PROMISE YOU you'll be rewarded for it.

I wish you all good things. Peace.

Answer 4

I agree with everything Tehabwa said. It's fine to be friendly, but don't be pushy.

Also, study manners and etiquette -- seriously. Perhaps you chew with your mouth full and don't even realize it -- something like that.

Don't stand too close to people. We Americans like our 'personal space' and although some cultures like to stand MUCH closer, it makes Americans uncomfortable.

Don't feel like you have to be right all the time. Although a healthy debate is great, there is a time and a place for that.

Try to forget about yourself and your discomfort when you are talking to others and concentrate on THEM. Learn body language -- get a book on it -- and be alert to the way others feel. If you notice someone feeling uncomfortable, back away. Concentrate on making others comfortable around you. Be THOUGHTFUL but not pushy.

If your goal is to make friends and 'fit in' take a good look at your wardrobe. Buy simple, classic clothes that FIT, nothing too outlandish or trendy.

You must be a pretty cool person to recognize this about yourself. I sure hope college goes better for you. Good luck!

Answer 5

There could be a variety of answers to this question. On a personal note, even though you think you may be presenting yourself in a friendly way, it may not be perceived as such. That takes time..and we all deal with what perceptions others have about us. So be yourself,...with some adjusting. You can ask others for their opinions about you. But be prepared for the critique. But all of this could be tied into something else. On an emotional note, you may have some issues that would be best discussed with a therapist. He/she can recommend some techniques or medications to help you deal with your interactions and experience with others. It may take awhile to learn how to use the "new" you, but it will help in the long run. Good luck...and go out there make lots of acquaintances and lots of friends.

Answer 6

I hope is not because the way you dress or look. Unfortunately there are a LOT of people like this. They care for this unimportant things. I hope for your future better luck. Just don't be worry anymore, and maybe everything is going to change for the best, and you know all this time you were not alone because YOU are your best friend. Good Luck, and one question for you: Would you like to be my friend? My name is Angelica. I'm much older than you but I like friends of any age, race, look, culture etc. See you.

Answer 7

Yeah, friends are overrated. Find yourself a life partner and settle down.

Answer 8

Friends are way over rated. Marry a pretty girl & raise a family. Thats something that will matter!!!

Answer 9

Maybe they want to hang out with you but there friends DON`T want to hang out with you.The person that wants to hang with you probably does not want to loose their friends.
(thats what happens to me)

Answer 10

check and see if your deodorant is working.