relationship advice?

Question

i've been w/ my boyfriend for about 3 years, (living together for 2 yrs) now. and well, i'm having a pretty hard time with some things. when things are great, they're great. we get along, laugh, have a great bond, etc. i mean, i couldn't be happier. but, when the stresses of his finances and/or work come up, he doesn't know how to deal. i mean, more then often he takes it out on me and/or our relationship. it's gotten to the point of where i feel like i'm walking on egg shells. i don't know whether to be in a good mood around him, distant, supportive, quiet, etc. i mean, last night for example...he totally lashed out on me! he called me selfish, told me that i dont love him, that he doesn't trust me, (bc i don't pick up my phone 24/7) that this isn't working, i'm always out w/ my friends, and so on. i mean, it's totally off the wall too bc everything he says is untrue a total actual reflection of how he acts towards me. he's the one that has started pushing me away, says hurtful

things, etc. i mean, i was tried talking to him last night (right after he lashed out on me). i told him that i love him, but i feel that everything he is saying is a total reflection of his behavior. i expressed how i've been feeling very lonely lately bc i never see him, (due to his wk schedule) and/or he stays up playing video games until 4am. i told him that i feel like he's trying to sabatoge our relationship and push me away. his response to my trying to open up to him was, "maybe i am" and he shut his eyes and acted like he was "sleeping." almost like a 5 yr old would act. anyway, for the first time, i actually up and walked off, then slept on the couch. i just feel really hurt by how he acts and don't know how to get around it.

btw - please don't respond by saying to "leave". it's a lot easier said then done.

Answer 1

Its over. He isn'tt treating you like he loves you. You are avoiding him and he doesn't have the confidence in the realtionship that he should. He is trying to control you. WTF is up with guys and video games. I'm a guy I play them. But I'm an adult. Playing them until 4? Does he not like sex? Paying attention to a video game over your girlfriend is a crime. Punishable by forced abstonence. Dump his ungrateful a$$.

Answer 2

I empathize with your situation and its really sad the way your man is treating you. It must be really difficult for you but i understand.

I do believe however that he has a lot going on in his life, some of which he obviously is not dealing with healthily. It sounds to me like he is very good at projecting his behaviors on you.

I think he may be feeling insecure because he realizes that he is not spending enough time with you and that he is afraid that you will move on. No amount of words will rectify this. You have to find creative means of showing him that inspite of situations you still love him.

Do you have a cell? Call him for no reason sometimes just to let him know that you miss him and love him. When he gets home don't nag him about not spending enough time with you. I think he is well aware of that. Don't rub it into his face. Cuddle him, kiss him, give him a massage, ask him about his day and really listen, soak his feet, pamper him a little. Write little love notes and stick it in places that you know he will find them. If he's stressed out its pointless to keep him feeling that way.

Since you have a lot of time on your hands and he doesn't, try to make the little time that you spend together as fun and fruitful as possible. Make him want to come home to his place of refuge....to you.

If all this does not work , then im afraid you need to give him some space. But do not leave him before you give him a chance. The worst thing you could do is to leave him hanging when he is between a rock and a hard place. That will only strengthen his insecurities.

Hope this helped.

Answer 3

Well, if you have to deal with this now, you're going to have to deal with it for the rest of your life if you choose to stay with him. That's my most important point.

My dad is one of those guys, also. When he doesn't have a lot of money in his pockets to play with, he takes it out on my, my siblings, and my stepmom. Let me tell you, it's not fun when he's unhappy or stressed. Your significant other is supposed to be someone that you can talk to when you're having problems, and the two of you are supposed to help each other. How can he help you when he's too caught up in his own problems, and doesn't come to you for help, but uses you as a scapegoat instead?

Something you should be attentive to is the way your significant other reacts in difficult situations. If you don't like what you find, just keep in mind that you're going to see a lot of that side. Nobody is happy all the time. Adults deal with a lot of stress.

I hope I gave you something to think about.

Answer 4

This happened to me at one point in time in my relationship with my boyfriend. I won't get into details, but it stemmed from his job and his undecisiveness with life in general.

I am sure he loves you and he knows that you love him, or you wouldn't put up with his ****. There are several reasons for all of this. He just isn't interested in you anymore and he is cheating on you, and he's trying to end it but can't get the guts to just tell you so he hurts you instead. He could be really stressed out about things and just doesn't know how to deal with them.Or he could just be really confused on what he wants in life and in a relationship.

My suggestion is that you move out. Get away from him for awhile. Let him figure things out for himself...what he wants, where he wants to be in life...so forth. He doesn't realize how much he is hurting you, you have to show him how much he is hurting you...telling him won't help, he won't listen. SHOW him by moving out.

Don't tell him you are moving, just one day don't be there anymore. Pack all your stuff up and leave. You don't deserve to be the brunt of all of his mistakes, confusion, or whatever it may be.

I can't guarantee that he will realize what he just lost and come crawling back, like my man did, but at this point, you need to make yourself happy. Honestly, you deserve to be treated with the utmost respect, and you deserve to be happy.

If he comes back, which I hope he does, then great...but if not, then you will have to move on and forget about him. He doesn't have the right to attack you like this...you have done nothing wrong...you just love him, and that's why you must give him his space to figure things out.

If it's meant to be, it will be!

Answer 5

He sounds immature. Move out, you guys need your space. It seems he has given up on trying to keep you, because he either doesnt believe you will leave or he in fact is more interested in his video games. He could also be gay, and surprise you anyday with an out of the closet statement

Answer 6

You should not be living with him if you are not married to him, you are committing fornication.
Move out and don't move back until he is willing to marry you and be committed to only you.
That will be the true test of him, will he be willing to commit to only you? You don't want him if he isn't. Relationships with no commitment are bogus anyway. They don't last.

So move out, and when he wants you to come back, tell him not with out a marriage license, you will find out then how he truly feels and if he is worth all the trouble or not.

Answer 7

I'm sorry for what he's putting you through, but if you aren't happy and if he's not making any effort to try and work things out with you, as hard as it going to be, you might just have to end things. It's not right that he take out his issues at work or his financial issues with you, your his girlfriend, and your there to support him, not there to be his punching bag. Be strong sweetie! I wish you the best!!!

Answer 8

Hey Beach Lover!
I would really want to know the name of the movie you are telling about!

Answer 9

wow it soundes like to me that he isnt intrested in you anymore or he is cheating on you.But you have tried to talk him him and it soundes like he wants you to leave.I mean i knows it hard and im sure you love him.I dont understand hwy he would sya such a thing to you.I dunno try to approach him in a different way.If it doesnt work out soon then i would leave it might turn into an abusive relationship soon.