When do you stop trying to get back together?

Question

Hello all :)

I was with the woman of my Dreams for 20 years, 2 children ...(yet we never married) ..she left me with them 6 months ago for a rich doctor.
she says she does not know what she wants in life ... so i let her come and go into mine as she pleases... but so many people say this is wrong ... to get over her i must put her out of my hope and dreams of getting back together ...

Like i said 6 months have gone by and she still flies out all over the USA & ?? to meet with him... be with him ...
Yet when she comes to me .. i have to beg for hugs .. and even more for a simple kiss...
Should i keep trying ???
Should i stop letting her come and go into my life as she pleases ?
and the biggest question ....
Can anyone tell me how to turn off the love i have for her ...
I am still 100% devoted ( never even been on any other date) and hope for us ... days and nights ...

Thanks to all that read and a big hug to all that try to leave some advise . :)

Answer 1

Number one, you can't stop loving someone. That is your biggest cross to bear. Knowing this though you still have to respect yourself. You can't let her walk in and out of your life. You deserve better than that. Either she wants to be with you or she doesn't. I know it hurts but you need to face the fact that she's using you, and she's dragging your children into also. Just put an end to it. You will be able to move on with your life.

Answer 2

Man wake up. You should be mad as hell! Why would you allow her back over? Grab your balls and tell her to stay away. She's doing what she wants because you let her your the man act like one. I know it hurts but the best thing to do is get some friends support. Find another girl that always helps. Just stay positive dont do anything unhealthy well drink I always do in a break up situation. Join the gym better yourself stay busy get your self esteem back and 6 months from now when that rich doctor has dumped your girl for a younger model and she comes crawling back to you you can tell her hey you blew it. Stay positve

Answer 3

Try loving yourself first as much as you love her. That relationship doesn't serve you anymore and it will be more difficult to "turn it off" if you keep hoping and letting her come and go as she pleases in your life. Take care of you and then when you're okay already and you've accepted the way things are and moved on, that's the time you can consider being friendly with her again.

Answer 4

No. You had your chances with her all that time and now she's only attached to you because of the children. Get over her and just be in touch with the kids through her. You shouldn't even be getting hugs and kisses anyway. Grow up now and learn to find someone new

Answer 5

i mean you do have kids together so u will always see her but u need to get over her because she doesn't love u she is just using u becuse she knows u will be there 4 her, when the other man isn't. u need to get out and go on a date to show her that u don't need her. it seems like to m e she wants her cake and eat it too. just tell her she needs to make up her mind does she want to be with him or u, and that if she chooses him she can't come running back to u when things get bad with him.

Answer 6

just put your foot down man.
your hurting yourself watching this momma walk in and out.
change your locks, move do something. she is just using you. i don't know how to put this any nicer. if you really feel deep in your heart she will change stay but if it was me............. i know 20 years is a long time. you just have to respect yourself and your kids. she left you for some rich doctor. you should start dating if it been 6 months and she just walked out of a 20 year relationship that should say enough.

Answer 7

You're able to say you love her. Do you believe she loves you? If not, that's your answer.

The fact she left her two children with you while she ran off with someone else speaks absolute volumes about who she is... but sometimes we can't help who we love.

Finally, will you two being together provide stability for your children? They have to be your priority, particularly given she already abandoned them once and there's no telling how much that damaged them, so they need to feel secure, and safe.

Answer 8

WOW!
i find it very hard to think that you are THAT pu$$y whipped!
don't you even think about what she is doing, physically, with this other man? can't you even imagine all the nasty stuff? that, alone, should set your stomach churning! do you really want to kiss the same lips some other man has kissed? do you really want to be intimate with her when you would be getting 'sloppy seconds'? come on, now!
you need to tell her that if she is going to go and be with him, not to bother to come back...this man doesn't want her, either, or she would have already left you and been with him!
i know what she wants in life...she wants her cake and eat it, too.
as long as you allow her to do this, she will...

Answer 9

maybe it's wrong to let her do that to you, but i know what you mean. you can always hope things go back to the way they were before but it will never be as good as your expecting, if she loved you as much as you love her wouldn't she be there with you right now and not him? you need to move on without her and find someone who will give you the same affection you are willing to give to them and forget about her.

Answer 10

wow....sometimes we think that this happens to women only....but here's a perfect example.....u being the g'guy & she's the *B*.........I've wondered why do people put up with this...what is it? I know it's sooo temptin....sooo hard to say NO....when you have feelings 4 the person yet it's sooo harmful & you know it, right? My advice 2 you is to seek God....hopefully you're not an Atheist......seek him & only him will give you that strength you need to move on.....best wishes :)