How do I get out of having a catholic wedding?

Question

My fiance is catholic (though not very deeply into it) and I am so very not. I do not want to have a catholic wedding (stand, kneel, stand, kneel...). But his mother will have a fit if he's not married by the church. How do I get out of having the long catholic wedding.. but still be married by the church?

We have been together for three years now. He knows that I'm not converting and he doesn't want me to. (As I stated... he's not that deeply into being catholic.) And as far as raising children in his religion... we're not having them. I know about the classes.

Answer 1

You do not need to have a full mass to get married as a Catholic. It can last 20 minutes or so that way. There will be much less kneeling. You can also talk with your priest about what you want and what you don't. It is, however, VERY important that a Catholic be married in the Church. It is very nice of you to make this concession. It will still be a very beautiful wedding and you can see if you can have your dream reception. Congratulations.

Answer 2

Talk to the priest- there have to be other variations. I went to the a catholic wedding last year where the bride was catholic and the groom was a non-practicing jew- it was a 1/2 hr ceremony instead of the long mass and there was no kneeling.

Answer 3

I'm going to go through this one step at a time because, clearly, I don't think you or your husband have really thought things through very well.


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You can't. If you are going to marry a Catholic the ceremony MUST take place in a Catholic Church. With permission from the diocesan bishop, you may be able to have a wedding in a neutral location - but you will not be given this permission simply because you don't approve of Catholicism.


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What if you fiancee was very deeply into Catholicism. Would you marry him then? I kind of doubt it. Well, consider that just because he may not be spiritual now doesn't mean he won't wake up from his sloth and become an active Catholic.

Count on such a thing happening sooner or later. Your fiance does not yet understand that he needs God. When he figures this out, he will become an active Catholic.

Do you choose to live with this reality? Or, do you intend to be combative? If the answer is the latter, you are better off not marrying him.


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Really? Is an hour of standing and kneeling for God - at your wedding of all events (!) - too much of God to ask of you? Is it really beyond you to tolerate an hour of Catholic ceremony? If the answer is "yes", do not marry your current fiance.


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His mother is the least of your concerns. The Catholic Church will likely not approve of a wedding outside of the Church, especially if the reason has to do with a non-Catholic spouse who cannot abide the Church. Don't expect the Church to do you any favors with that attitude.


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This part just goes to show how little you know about the Catholic Church, and this is quite out of sync with the amount of disdain you appear to have for a Faith you don't seem to know much about...

A Catholic wedding does not have to be long. Most couples opt for a wedding Mass. However, if the couple chooses to have just the wedding ceremony, this is okay too; it will last roughly half an hour. Is half an hour of Catholic Sacrament really too much for you to handle? If the answer is "yes", do not marry your current fiance.


<< We have been together for three years now. He knows that I'm not converting and he doesn't want me to. (As I stated... he's not that deeply into being catholic.)>>

The Catholic Church has nothing against inter-denominational marital unions. The wedding ceremony, if it involves even one Catholic, must take place on Catholic terms.

Like I said before, don't count on your spiritual attitudes - or especially his - to stay the same from year to year. How are you two going to handle things if your fiance suddenly develops a keen interest in Catholic spirituality? Are you prepared to handle such a development? It may not happen for 20 or 30 years - but it will happen. What are you going to do about it when that day comes?


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Ha ha - such a decision is not up to you. It's entirely up to God. Even if you intend to use artificial birth control (a no-no according to Catholic Doctrine) do you really think the will of our All Powerful God is going to be thwarted by a latex condom and/or a pill? Unless you intend to practice abstinence, expect children at some point.

Answer 4

There are lots of other churches out there, that aren't catholic. Baptist, methodist, C of E (for England, don't know where you are) and so on. There will likely be something in your area that is a middle ground. But remember its your day and you need to have the service how you want. We are Baptists, but needed a building. The local vicar married us in a C of E church, but with a modern service (no kneeling etc) and then our own minister took the rest of the service. It was a really nice compromise. Good luck with whatever happens.

Answer 5

My first marriage was once within the Catholic Church, despite the fact that I was once raised a Lutheran. I realize it does not look proper, however there's no uniform coverage at the trouble; that is so much probably left to the discretion of the parish priest. The simplest approach to uncover out is to invite. Three stepchildren got here with the kit and I was once requested to conform to make "each and every attempt" to guarantee that they had been raised Catholic. Before you ask, my fiance was once a widow. It was once my choice by myself to ship them to parochial colleges via the 8th grade; permitting them to wait CCD categories might were applicable to the Church. In a few church buildings, a "combined" couple will have a Sacramental marriage ceremony however they ought to use the smaller altar on the aspect or within the chapel as an alternative of the essential altar. In my case, after 3 conversations with the priest where we mentioned my ideals approximately transubstantiation and baptism, I was once given dispensation to perform the Eucharist which happened instantly after the marriage ceremony rite. (I had beforehand been given this privilege for the period of my commencement physical activities from a Catholic college). It is finished hardly ever however it's performed. If his priest is an historical university hardliner (so much of the ones have retired or died within the forty seven years due to the fact Vatican II) you would don't forget having a "vacation spot marriage ceremony" and prepare to have a Sacramental marriage at, say, Niagara Falls or South Padre Island.

Answer 6

You really can't honey. The Catholic church is very strict to this day, especially about marriage. Unless you find a really progressive pastor you can't get married outside, and it must be in a Catholic church. You have to take the Pre-Canna classes if you are diff. faiths and the church has to say it's ok for you to get married.

If your fiancee is OK with not having his marriage recognized by the church then don't worry about it. My father is baptist but that doesn't mean I follow his beliefs. You fiancee should know that if he doesn't follow the accepted marriage ceremony then he won't be able to take communion because you will be "living in sin". If he is fine with that then get married by Elvis in Vegas if you want! You will still be legally married and this is sure to be the first of many fits for his mother. Parents never seem to take it well when you grow up and start making choices that don't mirror theirs.

Answer 7

My brother and sister in law were married by her priest outside of the church. They had to get permission to do this as well as permission to marry since they were of different faiths. The ceremony was your typical 20 minute ceremony but they did have to go through the six months of pre-cana classes and he did have to agree "not to interfere" in the children's religious instruction which basically means my sister in law has to introduce them to the Catholic faith but what they eventually opt to do is on them.

Answer 8

Even though a Catholic wedding isn't for you - you also need to consider your husband-to-be. It is his religion. And you need to consider the reprocusions your husband might have to deal with (and ultimately you) from his family after you're married. Because whether we like it or not - we do marry the family.Talk to your husband-to-be and see if the two of you can compromise.

Answer 9

Try to find a progressive Catholic church, although I am not sure if any exist. Maybe you could get married in a simple home or garden ceremony, and have it blessed by the family priest. Remember, it is your wedding too, and not hers.

Answer 10

Wow, you have WAY MORE to talk about than where the wedding will be held. If you get married in a Catholic church, you MUST agree to raise your children Catholic!. Time for BIG talks with your bf!!!