The problem is that now it has been 5 months and I don't know how to tell her to start acting as a part of the household and not like a guest... acts as though its a restaurant/hotel. Has never offered to help with cleaning and will only cook if I start it and ask if she could help while I tend to 2 year old twins. She has no where else to go and my husband says that we would get more help from her if we don't get board but if she were living anywhere else she would have to help whilst paying board. We were away for a week and it happened to be the week she would pay the fortnight board and since we have been back she has not offered to pay up. I don't know how to confront this situation. When I was a girl I had to pay board and help about the house I don't see why she should do the same! Any ideas???
2007-06-09 23:32:54 · 7 answers · asked by mumof4boys 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She's your 'mum' for heavens sake...be glad she's there! Some day she won't be......
2007-06-09 23:52:49 · answer #1 · answered by Rocky 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Oh my this is usually the other way around. I just had my 30 something daughter here and she resorted back to her youth, leaving plates around wet towels, and I tried to give her a start and didnt ask for any board...she is on her way this week but I believe I should have handled this differently. Now with your mother I would be just kind but honest. I hope you enjoy her company there if you dont, I would be alot kinder and tell her its not working. I would hate to be in your mothers position. Now I would say that you made up a schedule that since you are all "family" that everyone should help out. Asign a few nights a week her time to make dinner. Remember a few meals that you loved that she prepared and whisper with a smile that you would LOVE to have her prepare this. I am sure your mother isnt cooking because she doesnt want to impose remember that saying too many cooks spoil the pot? Your poor mother having no where to go but you should be able to talk to her openly. Because you are all so close living together hurt feelings can happen so easily over the silliest of things and wound your relationship for years. Just tell your Mom we have a new plan and go for it. Dont be shy but be gentle.
2007-06-10 06:42:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, they say that "clarity leads to Power" and in this case, it sounds very applicable. WE assume that folks will behave in a certain manner, thinking that this is what we'd do in their position.
Not always so, we discover, sadly!
So,I suggest a pow-wow, or a sit down table discussion, (children-free) and outline your budget, your time, and energy allotments, and show how if she is going to be there, it would be a huge contribution on her part to help you with whatever it is that you want help with.
If you ask her kindly, not impatiently, I am almost sure she will be willing to be of help.
Most mothers need to be needed, and if she believes or sees that she still has that role of being needed in your life, then chances are, she will be a delight to have with you!
Just think carefully how you'd want to be spoken to, and what would appeal to your senses as a mum, because now you are grown and you KNOW how it feels to be loved by your own child. NO matter how old you become, she will always see you as her baby!
When you approach most anything with LOVE in your heart, and thinking of the other person's well being as much as your own, Love always wins!
All the best.
2007-06-10 09:01:46 · answer #3 · answered by susieque 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
COMMUNICATE.
Set down with your mum, tell her your frustrations, put EVERYTHING in writing that you BOTH agree on, and each of you sign it.
She isn't a mind reader either, so you have to politely tell her what is expected in your home. If you can't come to an agreement then at least agree on how long she has till she has to move.
Your obligation now is to your children and family. Nary a good thing comes from taking in parents unless the guidelines are clearly set and followed.
2007-06-10 07:43:48 · answer #4 · answered by ~Casper~ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Typically...you shouldn't charge family. Now if you were in dire straights maybe...regardless she should probably kick in something of her own volition...but then she'd say your husband owes her because she took care of him. So technically...say something but tolerate it.
2007-06-10 06:41:37 · answer #5 · answered by Blackheart 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She is PAYING, like a guest! If you want her to act like family, DON'T CHARGE HER.
What kind of ingrate CHARGES their mother to live with them?
2007-06-10 09:17:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, what you can do about it? She is your mother, you can't get rid of her. When you were a little girl, she didn't get rid of you ! so think about that and just do what you can.
Shamed on you!
2007-06-10 06:39:38 · answer #7 · answered by judy06 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋