whose church do you use?

Question

My htb is catholic... I am christian
He wants to marry in the catholic church.. i wont do that
I want to be married in the anglican church... he won't do that.

I was under the impression that the BRIDE chose where to get married.. Am i right or wrong?

were not fighting over it.. it just came up..

plus we have agreed that when we have kids I will take them to church with me (at the anglican one) because I go to church regularly, where he may only go on christmas

Answer 1

Yes you are correct! Traditionally marriages occur in the CHURCH or temple, etc that the BRIDE goes to / her religion.
You are not considered really jewish, for example if you MOTHER is not jewish.
Children are traditionally raised in the religion of the mother.
Either you both agree on a church, he goes to yours, or you could get married outside as a compromise.
Tradition says you go to the bride's church because traditionally the BRIDE's parents are paying. So if your parents are paying then your parents get to choose the church!

Answer 2

The reason he probably wants to get married in his church is because Catholics believe that marriage is a "sacrament" and is basically as important as any other religious service or ceremony. They also believe that if you are not married in the Catholic church, your marriage is not recognized by that church, and is basically not valid in that church. Usually Catholics want the fiance who is not Catholic to convert before the wedding, or at the very least, to promise that the kids will be raised in the Catholic church.

Of course, not all Catholics practice all these things, that is just the basic beliefs on weddings and marriage.

Now is the time to work out all these questions to avoid problems in the future!

If you get married somewhere that is religiously neutral, such as a garden, country club, hotel, etc. that would settle the church question, except of course, the question of who will marry you. A priest? A minister? A JP? These are things that have to be dealt with!

The answer to the question of isn't it the bride's choice? Traditionally yes, most people marry in the bride's home church if she has one.

Answer 3

The couple should choose where they are married since they are both sharing in the experince and not just the bride.

Talk to your HTB. With Catholic it is no wonder that he is insiting on getting married in a catholic church. They have to be married in a catholic church or the marriage is not recognized by the church. While legally you will be married religiously for him you will be living in sin and he will not be allowed to take communion, probably for the rest of his life. I beleive he also has to agree to raise any children you have Catholic as well and you have to agree. Since you are not Catholic you are going to need to attend Pre-Canna classes to get married.

Angelican church is not so strict and doesn't usually care what regligious affiliation the church you are married in has so I think you should give on in this. Talk to him and work on coming to terms. Religious diff. are going to crop up alot once you are married and you need to be able to work it out.

Answer 4

Marriage is all about compromise. If your fiance is Catholic and you are Christian - then you should think about having a Christian ceremony outside of the church. It isn't that the bride chooses the details, but that the couple comes to a decision together. Is there any reason that neither of you are willing to do what the other wants in terms of the ceremony? If your husband wants the marriage to be recognized in the Catholic Church, then it must take place in the church - that is one of the rules in the faith.

Answer 5

You are right, according to custom.
My (late) wife was catholic, and I am baptist.
I was fairly terrified about being married in a Catholic church (fear of the unknown, and the nun in The Blues Brothers probably!), but knew that it would be her church, and I accepted that.
We went to see her priest to see if we could do this, and if so, how.
He told us that they offered a Marriage Preparation course, and that we were welcome to take it, but because we were mature (both in our 30s), it was not required.
He turned to me and asked me if I followed my religion. I asked what he meant, and he explained - do you follow what you believe to be the right path? I said yes.
He then said "I would be glad to marry you in the Catholic church, if you promise me today that you will not talk badly about the Catholic church". I agreed, and have kept that promise, and the whole thing went perfectly. Both families were 100% happy too.
The moral of that long story (I think) is that getting married in a church other than your own is not the end of the world. It can actually be eye-opening.
But it is the bride's church traditionally!
(and the church has no jurisdiction over what is a legal marriage and what isn't!)

Answer 6

What is with this "won't" stuff?

My husband is Catholic and I'm Agnostic. Just about on the complete opposite sides of the spectrum.

We both had to compromise. We got married by a Presbyterian Minister and our children go to Presbyterian and Baptist churches, which ever one they feel like going to each Sunday.

Marriage is full of compromises so you might as well get used to it. If neither of you is willing to marry in the other's church then that will be the least of your problems before too long.

Answer 7

You can be married in an anglican church IF you get permitssion from the parish priest to be married there. The priest will also want to participate in the ceremony and give you a blessing to make it witnessed by the catholic Chgurch.

As someone else mentioned, the BIG issue is that catholics are required by Church law to be married in the Catholic Church. Othrewise, the marriage is not considered valid and your husband would not be able to receive communion in the catholic Church.

This is not a isssue that cannot be resolved. a BIGGER issue is what faith you will raise the children.

Answer 8

Major problem: If he is Catholic and isn't married in the Catholic church the marriage is not considered a legal marriage in the eyes of the Catholic church.

Answer 9

Wow. You two are not a match. And Catholics ARE Christians. Religion is something very serious and should be talked about way more than just in the context of where one gets married. It affects the whole rest of your lives together, particularly if you are planning to have children. As a Catholic, he wants to get married in the Catholic church and raise his children Catholic. You don't. The two of you have LOTS to talk about before you get hitched....

Answer 10

Based on marriage encounter seminars we've attended before my wife and i got married, they want both sides to agree on one religion because that will be another confusion for the children which religion to believe in. Compromise and sacrifice is the solution, if you don't agree, then thats where problem arises.