I have two cousins who are in need of a place to live, and no one in my family is willing to....?

Question

....take them in. Their father is a pot head and alcoholic and so is their step mother. They have lived a very volotile life, but because of the guidance of their grandmother, they are very good girls. However their grandmother's husband wont let them stay with them.

Every child in my family, immediate and extended, have had great home lives and lots of opportunities except fo these young girls. They are 9th & 10th graders and a lot of responsibility I know, but I am willing to have them come live with me. I have an extra room in my house, except I don't have a lot of extra money because I am a student and single parent. I can apply for AFDC for their expenses and that would be more than enough for their clothes, food, etc, and even some for a savings account for each.

My mother says I'm crazy for considering, but I really hate to see these young girls fall into the system. But I'm also worried about how it might affect my 5 year old son. I don't know what to do...???

Answer 1

GO FOR IT!! My 2 older sisters are actually my cousins. Their mom was in & out of jail/prison and their fathers weren't around. My parents finally got tired of seeing them move around between family members and they went to court to get full custody of them. I was about 5 when they came to live with us and they were 11 & 13. As far as I'm concerned, they are my sisters. They have 2 brothers who were raised by their fathers (they all have different fathers) and we haven't seen them in about 20 years. If you can give them good, stable lives filled with love, do it.

Answer 2

Hi, You are really a kind hearted person. These 2 cousins don't know how lucky they will be to have you help them out. I always believed family stuck together in family business like this. I guess that has changed down the line somewhere. It's really nice to find a person like you who is welling to try even if it puts you in some money problems in the future. But i bet you figure away around all of that. Like you said, you can apply for AFDC and that well help out a lot. You should be proud of yourself because most people don't want to be bother with something like this. Myself i am trying to raise my 5 year old grandson and it is hard but someone has to take the job and get him safe. Hang in there and your son may like having young teenagers for friends.Have a good evening.

poppy1

Answer 3

Your son has to come first, he is your primary responsibility and if he is put in any danger at all it will be unacceptable.

That being what it is, I think you are in a unique position to help these children get one last crack at pulling their lives together. If you decide to take them in, make sure you get them into counseling. Maybe you can get help through a church or something.

Put some of the burden on the girls with regards to your son's well being. Early on, sit them down after your son goes to sleep. Explain to them how you know they haven't had an ideal childhood so far, but that a good childhood is what you are trying to give to your son. Ask them if they can be a part of that and if they'll let you try to give them a few good years with you in the meantime. Get them through high school and into college on scholarships so they can be an inspiration to your son.

It takes a very special kind of person to be willing to do something like this. I hope things work out.

Answer 4

If you feel like you need to then do it. It is beter than losing them to child services and a least you are willing. There is nothing wrong if you need the help of AFDC of any other program and you may even be able to qualify for foster home benifits if you need them. Don't listen to your mother and do what you believe is best for the kids. Your son may enjoy having a couple of "older sisters" and it may help you out with some of the child care expenses while your in school (live in after school sitters)

Answer 5

I would like to commend you about the girls they are family and that would be so much better for them. Now about your son sit down and have a talk with him let him know that you still love him but his cousins need your guidance and help because their mommy and daddy aren't able to give them the love that they need and you thought you and him together could show them what real family is about. That away your son will not feel jealous or resentful toward the girls because he and mommy are going to help them get thru the rough times together. Children are very aware of things around them and this would let him know you thought about him also. Explain that there may be times that he and the girls might not get along but that's okay if there's a problem let him know he can always come to you and express his thoughts and feelings about it. Now for the girls have a talk with them also let them know that you know they've had it rough in their life but things will change if they are willing to give you and your son a chance to show them what a true family is. Let them know that their parents will always be their parents no matter what they can't change that; but you want to show them a better life and in order to do so they have to work with you not against you othewise they'll end up in the system and may not be together at all. I know this may sound harsh but these children need to know the truth don't ever sugar coat the situation. Let them know the ground rules from the start and discuss them completely and ask them if they understand and agree to do their very best to follow them. Again let them know also sometimes things may not be like they want but you are always there for them to express their feelings and thoughts. Lastly let them know you only want the best for them and that as a family you ,your son and them can get thru this by working together as a team with everyone looking out for each other . By the way don't worry what others may think or feel about it you do what's in your heart and God will take it from there. I hope things work out for all of you.

Answer 6

Bless you! Not many people are willing to open their homes to other people's problems. You can utilize the social services available in your area. It sounds like the girls could use some counseling (which should be available for them and you and your son). I really hope you give it a try, it may be the best thing that you have ever done. My only question is why the grandmother's husband won't let them stay. I am a grandmother myself and if my husband (to whom I have been married 30 years) said our granddaughter's could not stay with us, I would have to say "Adios, my husband, I love you but they need me more!"

Answer 7

I work in the system as a social worker. You don't want them in the system!!! See if you can take them in with wrap around services. Go to your local social services dept and do a bit of research, you should be able to get some type of help for them and yourself. Lay some ground rules and give it a try. If it doesn't work, you cant say you didn't try. I really hope it works out.

Answer 8

I think it is great that you are willing to take them in. They need to know that at least 1 member of their family cares about them. If no one in your family takes them in, they will learn to trust no one. You do what you think is right and tell everyone else to bug off. You are giving these girls a chance at a normal family life for the first time in their lives. Good for you!

Answer 9

Please consider doing this before they do go into the system.You are wonderful.I found(and my sis) in this situation when I was 17 and she was a couple of yrs younger.i promise the heartaches will be fewer,staying with family for all of you.Could you really listen to your mother,she sounds a bit selfesh.Have you asked these children what they think they could handle? Your son will still be young when they are of age and you never will know the joys of raising these girls unless you try and apply for the funding..and please..just do it..I think you are wonderful.
(we were in foster care)..we felt totally like fish out of water,and not loved)...still♥

Answer 10

It's great that you are willing to take them in but you need to have a talk with both of them and set rules and boundaries and have them agree to them before moving in. Let them know what you expect of them upfront.