problem leaving baby with others?

Question

I have a 16 month old daughter and I have a terrible time leaving her with someone other that my husband, my mother, or my brother. I am terrified that something will happen to her. But my biggest fear is that someone will touch her inappropriately, not family members, but daycare providers and other babysitters...

Anyone else have these feelings?

I do get out often to do stuff by myself, but not too often with my husband... our relationship is wonderful.

Any advice on how to overcome this?!

Answer 1

I say... why overcome it?

I hate leaving my kids with anyone... My daughter is 3.5 and my son is 10 months... but sometimes... it's just necessary that they be left for short periods of times with others. They have only been left alone with my mother, my mother-in-law a couple times and one time my daughter was left with a very close friend of mine for a couple hours. Also my toddler recently went to preschool a few days a week for a few hours a day... which I did feel comfortable with that.

Anyway, I don't do it very often and I don't think a time will ever come that I am completely "comfortable" with leaving my children with others... Todays society doesn't really allow us that luxury, does it?!

And I think that's okay. I think it's when we become too complacent that we miss obvious warning signs... I think it's good to stay "on edge" to an extent about these types of things... Our children are the most near and dear things to our hearts and it's only natural we want to protect them to our fullest ability...

Your daughter is only 16 months old. She's still a baby! :) You can relax, mom! You're doing everything right and the time will come when your child is ready to start spreading her wings. Opportunities will present themselves over time.... supervised playgroups, for instance, where you can socialize with other mom's and yet still get your daughter out with other kids her age... At 16 months old my daughter hadn't been left alone with a single soul other than myself, as far as I can remember. There is no need to rush things... Do what you feel comfortable with... And don't feel pressured to start leaving her with people because you think you need to "overcome" some fear... Your fears are validated in todays society!

Best of luck to you!

Answer 2

Yeah, those feelings are pretty normal, especially these days. If your mother or brother will babysit so you and your husband can get out together, then you don't need to worry about getting any other babysitters. In the future, you may meet a great teenage girl whom you can learn to trust enough to babysit your daughter.

I have 6 kids, and my hubby and I didn't get out very often because we didn't know many babysitters, and like you we didn't just trust anyone. My oldest is now 14, and she's a great babysitter, so we do have some more time to ourselves now. But I hear ya, we just didn't "date" for a long time! LOL If your relationship is wonderful like you say, things will be fine. You'll find a way to work it out while still keeping your daughter safe. :)

Answer 3

Oh wow I'm not alone. My youngest is 5 and I can't even stand to leave him with my mother-in-law. Although she is for a different reason. In fact for a short period in life while my hubby and I were seperated I had to leave my oldest two in day care so I could work and well both of the boys came home with a bruise on the first day so I quit and went on welfare. The one got bit and the other looked like an adult had grabed his arm needless to say they shut down the daycare and fired all the employees cuz my kid wasn't the only one that got hurt. That was 19 years ago and well I still have a very hard time trusting others with my kids.

Answer 4

I'm the same way!

I will leave my son with hubby, mom, or sister. I have three neighbors who also watch him. But, I have no fears of them at all. They are young girls and I've never heard of a 13 year old doing something gross or inappropriate...and they come to my house. That way I don't have to worry about dads.

As far as daycare - can't do it yet. He's 15 months and next year will be able to go to a preschool. I have a TON of friends whose kids go there and have for years. She's locally known in the area and highly sought after. The best recommendations are those from other moms...

I wouldn't rush it. All it takes is one bad seed and your mom radar is up for a reason...there are plenty of sickos out there ready to pounce on our kids...

Answer 5

There is no way to overcome this. Not only do you have to watch out for the sitter, but take in account for anyone who may visit the daycare,friend, or family member while you child is in their care. I even know of kids that molest younger/weaker children. My daughter is 9. She has only stayed with my single m-i-l under strict ground rules of no visitors. Plus the must have nanny-cam. I'm glad you are a responsible parent.

Answer 6

My son is almost 3 and I am the same way. He has NEVER been in daycare of left with anyone other than my husband, my step-kids (They are adults) or grandparents. We live in a tiny town in Washington state and it was on the news that there are child luring cases within the last few days. No town is safe.

Answer 7

I am the same way.. It's not how it was when I was a kid.. I started baby-sitting at age 11... We were more mature back then.. I would never leave my kids with even a 16 yr old unless it was a family member.. We'll have our time when our kids go off to college!

Answer 8

The only way you're going to get over this is to find yourself a reliable babysitter (maybe a friend's teenager or referenced babysitter of a friend's kids) and then trust that they're going to treat your daughter well.

You've got to learn to trust people to watch your child or else you and your husband won't be the only people that suffer from your lack of trust (i.e. when your daughter goes to school and doesn't trust anyone).

Trust your instinct.....if you don't feel comfortable leaving her with someone don't but you've got to trust someone.

Good luck!

Answer 9

i hate to make the problem worse, but most molestations occur from people IN the family or a really close family friend... unfortunatley in this sick day and age you will probably never stop worrying about you little one, but just pray angels to be around her at all times and follow your instincts, God gave them to you for a reason

i have a 3 month old baby girl and the thought of leaving her makes me ill sometimes but i know that i cant put her in a glass box, its just hard to be a parent these days with all the corruption in the world...

Answer 10

You are not alone. I feel the same way. I Rather not leave my children with anyone if its not with my husband, mother or sisters. I Started to let go when he turned three and was ready to go to preschool. Of course I did my research on the best preschool. I interviewed the teachers asked about their program. I also felt comfortable because my son was very expressive and always told me how his day went. I also elmpowered him by teaching him about his body parts and the correct names. I also taught him to keep them private by not letting any one touch him or see his private parts. By the way I always made sure my children were potty trained before they entered preschool so i wouldn't have to worry about someone else changing them. I talked to him about going to the bathroom by himself and not to let his friend go in with him. I think that its natural and good that you feel this way because thats what mothers are supposed to do. Take care of their children. Good for you !