Feelings toward motherhood.?

Question

I have a 16 month old daughter and I am 11 weeks pregnant. Sometimes I wonder if I should have waited to become a mother because I see others doing things I would love to do...

I love my daughter more than i can express and she isn't a bad child... I just wonder sometimes...

Is this normal? I feel bad enough about it anyways, so please don't be mean.

Oh, I am 22, married for 2 years, an RN, and I dated my husband for 7 years before we married. :)

Answer 1

It's perfectly normal to have those feelings at times. I was 28 when I had my daughter- she's 5 now, and my only child. Motherhood changes everything, no matter what age you are. Yes, you have to make time for yourself, but it is difficult because everyone else demands your time and attention as well, and as a mother your first instinct is to tend to them first and you last (and there usually is no time left for you). Before your next child comes, talk to your husband and other family members about your concerns of having some "down time" for yourself. See if you can't work out a schedule of sorts for your hubby or your mom (or his mom, a close friend, etc) to agree to watch the kids one day a week or even just a couple of hours or one day every other week (don't pick the kids up from daycare right away after work if there's a little extra time before pickup- or schedule it so pickup gives you extra time after work). If you're a nurse and have days off during the week, maybe use one of those weekdays to take advantage of this to truly have time for you. Plan ahead to focus on you- sleep, take a long needed bath, run the errands you never get done, get your nails done, read a book (whatever YOU want or need to get done without others bothering you). don't feel guilty. You should know that in order to take care of everyone else- YOU need to be healthy, both body and MIND. By the way, it's easy for me to type these words- I am still trying to make myself take time to ME!! Bottom line, your feelings are normal, don't feel guilt for longing for your freedom sometimes- every mom does. Good luck to you and your expanding family.

Answer 2

Many women go through it ...so do not feel bad as long as you are not doing or planning anything stupid you are normal. You can still go do things. I had my first child when I was 17, second at 21. I was a mother of four at 25. I didn't graduate when I was supposed to in 94, but I did get my GED in 04, and I am currently going to college, homeschooling my children, my daughter is my best friend and we go shopping together, and my boys and me love to get down and play. I honestly can't think of one thing I can't do though. I can go to school, I can go shopping, I can get a sitter and go out for a few drinks with my husband, I can still go to concerts, I can...what is it you can't do? I can't be irresponsible, stupid, or involved with a lot of drama, nor do I want to. Sometimes I can't watch a show without interruptions, or pee without a child needing me, but really that is about it. Just think one day they will be on autopilot, and then you'll be wondering where the time went because the time flies, and it flies even faster when you are thinking of all the things you cannot do and working. Enjoy your children. Think about the cool things...when some people are waiting till they are finished with college to start having kids they are going to be old before their children are of age to move out...(my sister did that only to find out she can't have kids)...you on the other hand will still have your youth. Another things is when all your friends start having children they will be able to come to you for advise. Count your blessings rather than the what ifs, and though it takes time you will be okay. I hope this helps.

Answer 3

Aw that's cute, dating your husband for so many years like that.
I was in a similar situation a long time ago. I got married at 22 and had my twins at 24. (they're 17 now). My friends were still single, going out on the weekends, taking long trips all the time, while i was home, married with babies. I felt a little jealousy every once in a while, but i never regretted the life i chose. Eventually my friends got married and settled down. We were all in our late twenties early thirties and they were now all home with babies while i was able to do more things, both alone and with my kids, because my girls were older. I also have become friends with others who had kids my age. I loved being a young mom.
I'm now 41 and my daughters are going to graduate from high school next year. I'm planning on traveling with my girls after graduation and by myself, something i wanted to do when my kids were young, but wasn't able to do. I think i'll enjoy everything that i could've done then now because I'm older.
Enjoy your kids and don't feel bad. It's ok to feel a little jealous. Maybe one night you and your husband should go out together and have someone watch your daughter. You'll really enjoy it.
Best wishes and congrats

Answer 4

OK first off you are normal. We all have those little moments when we say to ourselves"see what i could be doing if I did not have kids." And that could be anything from sky diving to sleeping late on a week end. But you have also stated that you are pregnant again. Hormones can make mountains out of mole hills. I bet more that you are a great mom who is a little tired from chasing a 16 month old,and are pregnant ta boot so that most likely is what you are feeling and that it no way makes you a bad mom , it makes you human.

Answer 5

You can still do things others do. Being a mother doesn't mean that you have to give up all of your dreams for yourself. This is called taking time for yourself. If you don't do it you will go crazy. You need to have some downtime. There is nothing wrong with getting a sitter and going out for the night with your husband, or having your parents watch your kids and going out of town for a few days. I was two when my mom and dad went to Reno for the first time and they have been going every year since then. People think that you have no freedom when you have kids and that is not true. You can still take trips (Although most of them will be family trips), go out dancing, take a class in something you have wanted to learn. You have to make the time to do these things, but it is possible.

Answer 6

don't feel guilty. I think all mothers wonder 'what about me???'. It happens. If it is continual and you start feeling indifferent and impatient with your kids, than maybe try out some counselling to have somoen to sort it through.. just to help you accept the way things are. We all need time to accept things sometimes. I will say though that I LOVE being a mom. I ADORE my kids, but when I was pregnant last time... I swear, I didnt' want them at times. I wanted to be single and have a life for once. Your are pregnant and this could just be hormones... that is a strong possilbity

Answer 7

I'm 22 and have a 5 year old and a 5 month old,believe me the party life isn't worth it you will only regret not being with your kids its fine to go out once and a while but you have a responsibility now and there isn't anything more I'mportant then your kids believe me i had those feelings to and acted on them and now im making up for lost time.just think of it this way when they get older you will still be young and can do lots of things but spend time with your kids now they grow up so fast my oldest it seems turned into a Lil boy overnight so enjoy them while you can, you wont get these years back!

Answer 8

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Motherhood is the toughest job you will ever love.

Maybe have your daughter spend a day with a relative or daycare while you spend some time alone or with your husband. I make sure to have coffee or lunch alone on occasion. IT is a well-deserved treat.

Remember, your children will open new doors for growth for you. For example, vacations will be different type than if it was you and your hubby. Not better or worse, you will simply select different activities and give you different perspective.

When I took my baby to the zoo, I saw the animals with new eyes.

Hugs.

Answer 9

Yes it is normal - ups and downs are part of our lives and Mothers (and Mothers-to-be!) are allowed that too and don't let anyone tell you different.
Love your child(ren) and that will come back to you - but make space for yourself even when you are carrying - you are still *YOU* - a Mother yes but as well as that a lot more - and your children will love that once they are older - because they will become a lot more than simply your children too - and you will love that too!
Best wishes,
Joan.

Answer 10

that is totally normal. my son is 2 and i still miss the times me and my hubby would just go out in the middle of the night bc we felt like shopping or whatever. my sister went on a cruise not that long ago and i wished i could go but i don't want to leave my baby with anyone else and we don't have the money. i think that is one of the most common things i wouldn't trade my boy for anything but i do think i would have enjoyed a little more time with just me and my hubby. it is the whole the grass is always greener on the other side. just remember that yes they can go out and party and spend all there money on a new bag but they don't get to go home to that beautiful little girl you have.