Ok so my niece graduated from high school a week ago. She has alredy left for college. She called me today to reveal that she got a tattoo. Her mother (my sister) is going to freak out. She doesn't want to tell her, so she told me only. I think I should tell her mother, but I don't want to break the trust between me and my niece. Her mother told her not to get one in the first place, she doesn't turn 18 until Nov., so her father took her to get it. What do I do? When my sister finds out, do I say I already knew or act as if it is news to me also??
2007-06-09 16:47:30 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your niece told you this in confidence. Don't betray it. It is her body and the tattoo is something that she has to live with for the rest of her life. It is not life threatening. If you betray your niece, she will never come to you again with anything. Obviously she does not have an unconditional relationship with her mother.
It is up to her to decide if and when to tell her mom. Not yours. When your sister finds out, unless she asks if you knew do not say anything. If she gets upset, just tell her you do not want to be in the middle of it.
If the biggest problem your sister has with her daughter is getting a tattoo, she should count her blessings. At least her daughter graduated high school and is going to college. If she is not smoking, drinking, and doing drugs, that kid is obviously doing pretty good. Most parents would die for a kid like that.
2007-06-09 17:29:35 · answer #1 · answered by jane 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your niece's father got her the tattoo, it's not your fault. And there's nothing you can do about it.
If you don't want to be put in the middle, tell your niece not to tell you anything that you can't tell her mother. Next she'll be telling you about her sexual exploits and drinking and drugs. Since she's a minor, her mother has a right to know about any of these things, and even your promise of secrecy doesn't take away your responsibility to tell her mother. If you made a promise that was ethically wrong, then you shouldn't keep that promise.
Once she's 18 and an adult, it will be different. Your niece will be responsible for herself. Only if you feel she is taking unfair advantage of her mother will you have the obligation to tell her.
But as I said, if you don't want to be put in the middle, just let your niece know that you won't be keeping her secrets, so she shouldn't tell them to you if she doesn't want her mom to know. That way you can maintain the trust of both of them.
2007-06-09 17:30:31 · answer #2 · answered by The First Dragon 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the first answer. You could also explain that you thought it was great that your niece could tell you, and hope that in the future if there's anything really serious, she'll feel ok telling you because you didn't just run to her mom. Of course if it's something that's truly a danger to her life or safety or that of others, then tell your sister. But to lose that trust, when you could be the one who could help her for something really serious in the future seems like a bad idea.
Now, if it were me and my sister, and she knew my daughter got a tattoo and didn't tell me... Yes, I'd probably be pissed at first, but with knowing the above and with a few days or a week to calm down, I would understand the truth in the above, and appreciate that they have that bond. Who knows, it could save my daughters' life someday!
PS - My sister and I are super close
PPS - I wouldn't lie to your sister about knowing/not knowing. You're adults now. I'd tell her just what I said above. (I know it's all easier said than done, but truly, honesty is best.)
I would also encourage your niece to tell her mom about it at some point. You didn't mention if the tattoo is small in a discreet place, or somewhere open and obvious. I think that actually will factor in.
Good luck!
2007-06-09 17:02:59 · answer #3 · answered by Curious-1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Encourage your niece to tell your parents at some stage.Be there if you have to,Really though this isbetween mother and daughter.I would advise you to tell your niece that you are not telling her mother
2007-06-09 17:16:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont say anything,tell you neice you wont saying nothing but she better not tell you sister you knew already,so then if she finds out they will both still trust you!
2007-06-09 16:52:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay out of it. If your sister starts in on you about it, tell her there's worse things your niece could of done.
2007-06-09 16:51:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't tell. This is between your sister, her HUSBAND, who went behind her back, and her daughter. If and when your sister talks to you about it, you can just reflect her feelings ("Wow, you must be so angry.") There is no need for you to say you knew or didn't know, unless she asks you directly (and why would she?).
2007-06-09 17:04:11 · answer #7 · answered by stoneinthestream 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
keep your promise adn shut up and make like you dont' know when she finds out period.
2007-06-13 15:24:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋