what to do when you feel unlovable and worthless?

Question

I was abused as a child and I've always struggled with feelings of inadequacy and feeling that no one will ever love me. I take anti-depressant and I've had counseling but it doesn't ever seem to help deep down. I'm in my 40's and I have no one special in my life. I'm very attractive but to the point where guys only look at me as a one-time conquest which reenforces my belief that I'm no good. I have interests and keep myself busy but I still have that worthless belief deep down. How do you change what you've known all your life?

Answer 1

Question the thoughts you're believing.

Answer 2

WOW! I am completely moved by your question. Odviously the therapy has helped in many ways, the fact that you know how you feel inside and what it is that made you feel that way to begin with. I also was abused as a child and just stopped my prozac recently. I have been on and off many medications all my life and have gone threw years of counsiling. You might want to check out a 12 step program called ACOA (Adult child of Alcoholic) even if your parents weren't alcoholics this programs helps you find your inner child and all the roots of were every bad feeling about yourself came from.......I am 32 years old and am in what I consider the best mental state of my life. And I can't begin to tell you how releiving it was to start working that 12 step program and get threw it. Yes, it was hard when all those awful things came up, and i even developed new conditions, such as clostriphobia, agoraphobia, and severe anxiety attacks. But once I got threw the program all that stuff just kinda faded. and it was weird feeling so free and rid of all the crap that was inside me.....It is no easy task feeling what you are feeling and it's even harder to do something about it......counsiling, antidepressents.......facing the problems head on is terrifying in itself......please just do some online research about ACOA maybe just to check it out, go to a local meeting and see what you think.....if anything, wait till you see how screwed up other people are, that alone will make you feel grateful.......good luck...i'll pray for you tonight.....and if nobody has told you today, the world is a better place with you in it!!!!

Answer 3

First of all, counseling does work when YOU do the work. If you aren't honest with yourself and do what is necessary to heal, right, zippo will happen for you. Also, I suggest you see a new counselor and set some ground rules; you want to have some results in your healing progress by such and such a time. That means, you are telling the counselor you want to get to it and they need to give you the tools to do it.

Being on antidepressants for what? Are you suicidal? If not, I suggest you really research these drugs. They are in many cases causing a lot more harm than good. Studies have found the antidepressants will block some very important thinking. They literally numb you to reality. Given that, how can you heal?

I was abused and didn't have loving parents but I did the hard work and did the counseling and didn't do the pills. I read lots of psychology books in my studies so I learned about how to help myself.

If you are 40, ask yourself this; haven't I lived this way long enough? I hope the answer is yes, because that will make you take action. YOU hold the key to healing yourself. Forgive yourself, forgive the idiots who hurt you and help others with what you've learned. Pass it on to heal someone else who is stuck. Take care and I will pray for you. Pray for yourself too, ask God to heal your heart and soul.

Answer 4

You are not worthless! Lots of people are abused and are still loved, you deserve that too. Even if there is nobody special in your life, you still have friends and family. Try meeting different kinds of guys in different places (not bars) that are looking for commitment. Church maybe? Plus relegion might help with the worthless feeling... knowing God made you for a reason and loves you! And get a pet, they'll love you no matter what. Pets are the best therapy EVER.

Answer 5

I would really like to establish a motivational relationship with you because I relate and I can only give to you what I have gained to enable you to see the light. I have a websight, but I do not want to put it on here. I established the site for the sake of building self worth.
The first think you have to remember is to know that the love you seek lies with in and that we all have had to take that journey to find our nearest and dearest friend - that friend being ourselves. It is not an easy journey, not is it a quick journey. But it is a fulfilling one, and one that you won't mind taking others on once you see that you ARE able to take it.
God Bless you.

I am going to take a leap of faith here and hope that the author of this poem understands that I am sharing it with you to help get yo to a point that she is already at.

Our Deepest Fear
by Marianne Williamson from A Return To Love:
Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Much Love, Baby Girl
And, God Bless!

Answer 6

I think that you are way too caught up about what your boyfriend thinks. Forget about that and focus on improving yourself...and I'm not talking about losing weight either (because even if you do, any sense of security from weight loss will be shallow anyway). What I am talking about is to get down to the bottom of what is causing all this insecurity. Seek a counselor who can help you with this issue. If your boyfriend was the real deal, believe me, it would not bother him if you were a size 12 or 20. What is the most important thing here is the relationship you have with yourself and not with your boyfriend.

Answer 7

don't focus on the negative. focus on the positive and think about how great your life is. not to pick on people in africa, but you are complaining when people in africa and other parts of the country don't have food, shelter, and have bigger problems than you. i'm not trying to say that complaining is bad horrible and i'm not criticizing. look i don't know you but i bet your an awesome person and i barely ever hate people meaning that i love you in some way. think of how good you have it. you have food, i'm guessing you live in the USA and if you do, well look at the freedom we have. even though our country might not be the best, its still a wonderful place and we can never buy freedom. Read the Bible and it doesn't matter if you don't have a guy, you'll always have a caring father "upstairs". You are worth more than you think. Good luck hope this helps ♥

Answer 8

Martha there is not a worthless person on earth. You just need to find a good caring husband and talk to him. Tell him your feelings and hopefully he will help you. i think if i got to know you personally i would help you to feel better about your self. From the sounds of the way you look there lots of men that would love to get to know you and have a wonderful life with you. please do not give up keep looking and you will find happiness.

Answer 9

The way to over come the internal battle that it sounds like you are going thru is the be honest with yourself.

Stand in front of a mirror and ask yourself, " why do I want to be unhappy?"

The thing is, you want to be happy but you do not feel that you deserve it. Somewhere you have decied that you only deserve to be alone and unloved.

I am here to tell you that love is a devine blessing that we are ALL entitled to but we have to allow ourselves to really receive it.

So look into that mirror and in doing so see yourself for who you are. a wonderful woman and person who deserves to be loved fully. It is your destiny...as it is for all of us if we so choose.

Answer 10

Believe it of not - i have been in the same place that you are.


2 things have helped me tremendously -

one is being accountable and honest with a GOOD therapist who will work together with a GOOD Doctor to balance your meds and learn to explore your negative self-talk WHY you think the way you think about yourself and how to change it (it CAN be changed)

second one is find a loving Christian Church where the WOMEN will embrace you , encourage and nurture you until you can learn to put God first in everything you do and learn how VERY much He loves you.

finding a relationship will only cause you more problems. because until you truly learn to love yourself - you will not be able to unselfishly love another ( to try to fix you) and you will get used.

Answer 11

awww i love u lool
take up hobbies... SMOKING isnt a hobby by the way..
i have the same problem but i started jogging (fresh air 6-7 am in the morning) exercising playing tennis, join a class or something,
start eating healthy foods
listen to soothing music especially before bed, u'll sleep like a baby