Should I beresponsible for my old father's living if he hasn't spent a cent on me before and after I was born?

Question

He didn't care about me. If I was not introuduced by a friend to him . He would never know me . He told his friends about me because he wanted to show off he has a well being girl.To speak the truth , I will not feel sorry if he is dead. He is too bad. When I asked him to save the money for future use he said it is my own money and it is none your business . Then I asked him what will he do if he spends all his money . He said that I should pay for him." I told him that my husband doesn't like him and won't give him money. He told me to ask my mom.I wonder why he dares say that.

He didn't care about me. If I was not introuduced by a friend to him . He would never know me . He told his friends about me because he wanted to show off he has a well being girl.To speak the truth , I will not feel sorry if he is dead. He is too bad. When I asked him to save the money for future use he said it is my own money and it is none your business . Then I asked him what will he do if he spends all his money . He said that I should pay for him." I told him that my husband doesn't like him and won't give him money. He told me to ask my mom.I wonder why he dares say that.

He left my mom when she got pregnant for 4 months. Then he flied to Asia to work but he never sent letter or money to my mom . He had a lot of girl friends and my mom just stayed at home and made living by herself.She hoped for him to come back. But he didn't. Time pass and I first met him when I was 23 years old. At that time he married with another women and had a son 9 years old. However the women left him 27 years ago and his son died too.My father didn't marry again but he has different girl friend. My mother loved him and waited for him for 50 years. Now he is old and ill and stays in a private hospital . He has no home and no relatives to look after him so he refused to be discharge from the hospital. He refused to transfer to government hospital because he still has money to spend for two more month . He thinks that I would pay for him. Anyway I hate him to waste the money and don't want to spend the money on him in the hospital . AM I TOO BAD? What should I do to him?

Answer 1

In this instance the man is your biological male parent.
the word "Father" does not describe him in any way.

You do not owe him anything if thats what you are worried about.
Unless you had a different father figure in your life, I would
take every penny you would spend on your father and spend it on your mother, because she had to play both roles in your life.

If i was in this situation, i would feel like maybe if i showed my "father" that i care enough about him that i would support him financially, he might give me what i needed all along, his love and support.
if you also feel this way and think maybe this is what is driving you to think about giving this man money, think again.
the fact that he is saying you should pay for him shows he is not thinking about you or your welfare. He still wants to be the selfish man he has been his whole life. And you cannot change this, only he can.

You can be a good person without giving this man money.
In fact giving him money will only re-enforce what he truly believes now, that other people will give him what he needs and that he doesn't have to be responsible at all. you will be continuing the destructive cycle if you give him money.
By saying no, you are forcing him to be responsible and make other choices. And this is still being a good person because your father needs to grow up and be responsible for himself.
Another way to be a better person is to be responsible to your own children and ensure that they don't have a father like yours was.

Best of wishes and much love.

Answer 2

I was watching a talk show recently and a certain celebrity was being interviewed she had gone through somethings in her pass. She said something that touched me she said I blamed my mother for nothing but i forgave her for everything.Maybe he didn't know any better.
It seems that in spite of how he treated you and your mom you turned out pretty good with a compassionate heart or you would not be asking for advise you would go ahead and let him suffer without caring what anyone thinks. Helping someone can be more rewarding to the person who is doing the helping. forgiving him can and will help you move on to the next level in your life. Do not be weary of doing good. It is not what he did to you in the pass that really matters now it is what you are going to do about the situation so that you can maintain your dignity and integrity. Ask for divine guidance in this matter. Gods ears is always open He is the father that gives unconditionally.


No you are not bad just human you have been hurt and is still hurting. Please don't blame yourself for feeling.

Answer 3

The bible tells us to honor our father and mother so that it will go well with us. This man is not your father, you have only one Father and that is God. You didn't even have a dad, this man was not a dad or male figure in your life at all. You are free from any obligation to this man from a family perspective. But examine your heart and find where this question comes from. Once you know your motives and understand the desire you have, you can begin moving towards the right path that God want's you to find. You may need to purge a weakness inside your heart that neglects your family in order to help others. God may want to heal your pain and knows that loving this man will accomplish that healing. You may simply walk away and never look back. What ever you do, do it with a pure heart and good concience towards the one you believe in. Then you will find the peace that has left you since this man broke into your life and stole it.

Answer 4

Do whatever it takes to ease any guilt feelings you may have after he is gone.

That being said, I believe that just because he was a sperm donor, it does not make him a dad or father.

If you don't feel that you have an obligation to him, then don't.

Not to mention whatever support you are contemplating giving him, should not be your husbands responsibility. If you don't have money of your own, then how can you be expected to help him?

Good luck

Answer 5

You should talk to him and ask him those hard questions that you are asking the public. He may have done those awful things years ago i.e. going off and leaving you and your mother. But you do not know that he is not trying to make amends now.
Two wrongs do not make a right. He is your father give him a chance to defend his actions or at the very least apologize to you.

Answer 6

I've always been sympathetic, but never forgiving. If he had actually tried for you, then you should be obliged to help him. However, in this case, he's just pulling the "I'm your father, you owe me" card. I would, honestly, tell him to rot in hell.

Answer 7

Forgiveness is difficult but he is your dad. In his illness i think it would be a real blessing for him (however undeserving you believe him to be) if you forgave him. Then whether he discards it or not, you know you will have tried and you never know you may get a reaction you hadnt prepared for - its been a long time after all. Times change as do people, do what you feel you heart is telling you.
God bless

Answer 8

My religion from India would say this- everything we get in our life is due to our own karma from previous lives--knowing this with just your faith that its true will help you to forgive everyone and never blame anyone for your suffering--then if you want to have a better life after this life-- you should be as good as you can -not just to people who are nice to you but to people who are mean to you--your dad is most likely really suffering a lot for the bad karma he has done to you--now if you can-and I know it can be hard--show love to him and he will realize that he did wrong and he will repent like mad-- and when you give love you get it-espically from God! Hari Bol!

Answer 9

You should pray for him,not be responsible for his transgressions,i`can only speak from experience.o.k. been,through something of this nature.Pray that he becomes a better person and his soul finds peace.Baby you are not responsible for nothig he does,don`t not pray for him,or not pray cos he asks you ,you pray cos of YOUR salvation.Yeah! If,there are any kids,you tell them the good things bout him,as for your husband,its o.k. for him to feel that way,but..baby do me a favor FORGIVE HIM,forgive yourself,tellyour husband the same thing.I will put you and your family as well as him in my prayers this week.lol

Answer 10

That is a tough question to answer.
You would be better than most if you did.
Good luck dear.

I would add as you have given more info.
If you think he is using you and pulling on you heart strings, don't be used. Use what you have to provide for your husband and children. No need for guilt sister.